Monday, January 22, 2007

Confused

Hmmm, either his hypocrisy runs much deeper than I thought, or maybe, just maybe, he didn't hear what I was saying. Or he is in supreme denial. I dunno. The not knowing is semi driving me nuts. Chill, I need to chill. I shall play the waiting game.

He messages me to ask for my class slides, like we're on good terms and doing favours for one another is expected. Once again, his superb prowess at making use of people rears its head. Applause, applause. Perhaps due to a guilty conscience, I acquiesced to his request (demand?). Silly, sill me. I should have just said that I had already deleted them.

And then we meet in class. Everything seems fine and dandy. He smiles at me, talks to me. We have a common event to go to after class, so we walk together. We talk some more, he does his patented back rub on me, I can't even be bothered to cringe in annoyance. Close up of his mug follows. Do I even have the strength to feel revulsion?

Perhaps the lack of energy has dimmed my fighting spirit. I simply gave in and couldn't be bothered. He offered to carry my books. At least I had enough self-preservation to reject his offer.

Or maybe I'm reading too much into all this. I should stop all the wondering and thinking what kind of mind games he is playing. What will be will be. What a fatalistic view that is, eh?

The world will always present hypocritical people upon my doorstep. Either I pretend they don't exist (not bloody likely), step on them (how I wish I could!), or do what they do unto me. Smile when I don't mean it. Cooperate when all I want to do is avoid him. Hold my tongue when I want to release a lashing.

Pretend I'm not emotional when I'm really this hysterical drama queen. Sometimes I feel like I want to shout at the world for playing its cruel games with me and ask the world to stop. Scream and rant and hit out at some invisible force that never ceases to make my life uncomfortable and emotionally unbalance.

No, no, not feeling suicidal. Angsty and emo, yes. But tired of living, never. Thank God I take equal delight in hedonistic pleasures that are love, passion and excitement.

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

The Bitching Bites Back

Oh oh, I was bitching about him to Kristin and Sylvia as we walked back to class, not knowing that he was just behind us. In my typical fashion, I was animated, expressively and above all, LOUD. So suffice to say, he knew who I was talking about.

Yup, bad karma. No wonder his face was so black. And to think that I still have to do project with him. I just hope that we can separate personal from work. At least be civil to each other. Hohoho...

Yes, all that bitching has turned around to bite me. Not the first time, probably not the last. I know I should try to be a better person, but hey, some things need to be said.

Or maybe, I should be more mindful that there are ears all around. Note to self: look around before launching into tirade. You never know who's around the corner.

Another note to self: need to gather more good karma. Hey, does anyone need me to be nice to? You happy, I happy. Muahaha.

Saturday, January 13, 2007

Déja Vu

Great, Mr Touchy-Feely is back in my life. No names mentioned, but I'm guessing some of you would know who I'm talking about.

I haven't spoken to him, like had a proper conversation, for close to 1.5 years. And suddenly, just because I'm in his class and happened to be assigned to the same group as him, he starts being all chummy and acts like we're the best of friends.

When we were still on good terms, he once asked me if I felt that he was too touchy, especially with the opposite sex. Since we were quite close (or so I thought), I said I didn't have a problem.

Well, times have changed, bucko. You don't start sms-ing a person you haven't talked to for a long time and ask to form a group even before the school term starts. Luck would have it that even for preassigned groups, I cannot run away from his claws.

And I hate how hypocritical he is. He sees me in the school canteen, smiles at me across the room like some longlost friend, saunters over and leans over, resting his fucking arm on my shoulder, resting all his weight on me, and gives me a close up of his fake, fucking face like I should give a shit.

How is that appropriate? And he continued to do so until I was so irritated 5 minutes later and abruptly stood up. Only then did he move his arm. And the entire conversation revolved around him whining about his grades, his GPA, and whatnot.

Some things never change, I suppose. He would always be only concerned about his grades, never know real friendship, always using people to his own advantage. Well, at least this time I'm not going into the project with any delusions of friendship. I'd be making full use of him to obtain my grade. And once the project is over, there would be no reason for more small talk.

Thursday, January 11, 2007

SMU Lexicon

Terminology dedicated to the students of SMU.

Word: SMUck [noun]
Explanation: an SMU student who is annoying, annoying here being relative because some find studious people annoying, people who participate too much annoying, people who are free-riders annoying, and of course, people who are just plain annoying annoying.
Usage: What a SMUck! Only know how to talk, but when ask him/her to do work, no where to be found!

Word: SMUgger [noun]
Explanation: an SMU student who studies too much. Can usually be found reading textbook in the library right from Week 1, and is usually the one who does all the supplementary readings/obscure readings/whole life is doing readings.
Usage: He/She is such a SMUgger! Did you hear some of the questions and comments he/she made in class today? Don't know what the hell he/she was talking about!

Word: SMUgathon [noun]
Explanation: prolonged studying session, usually before exams, that can extent to a week or more. Usually conducted in school, it is an exercise that is carried out in one of the hallowed rooms within SMU. A personal space converted into a madhouse of studying.
Usage: Do you know that he/she has been in school since last week studying? Wah lao, major SMUgathon, can!

Word: SMUgging [verb]
Explanation: the act of furious studying by an SMU student.
Usage: Yeah, I know where he/she is. He/she is SMUgging in the library, what else is new?

And of course, all the words can be used in a single conversation.

What a SMUck! Act like he/she knows so much, very great meh? A chao SMUgger who is always SMUgging in the library! Whole life is a SMUgathon. Loser.

Teehee.

On a lighter note, SMU Volleyball Girls beat SIM and NYP! Woohoo! I never knew sitting on the bench can be such an exhuasting experience, especially this year. The match against NYP was nail-bitingly close... I lost all dignity and voice shrieking to keep morale up when the team lagged behind.

Oh yeah, and I finally got to play. Whoopeeee! Since I'm such an agressive person, of course I would love to be on the attacking end. However, considering that I have a height deficiency (average height in volleyball is 165 - 170cm can...), all I can do is defend. Boohoo. Don't want to be like Liverpool. I want to be Man Utd.

Life is good, just incredibly, incredibly busy. Recorded my trial DJ session... I still need to work on that. Tend to stumble over my own words from being nervous. Oops. And I realize I gesticulate a lot. And I mean a lot. Luckily studio is empty aside from myself. Haha!

Being a TA is exhuasting work. I'm the TA for a leadership and teambuilding course, so I have to act as a facilitator sometimes.. which translates not only to attending the actual lesson, but also attending the meetings that the team of freshies assigned to me have. And let me tell you, there are many, many meetings. Sheesh. And of course, I have to be constantly responsible and remind them of their datelines.

It's funny how the older I get, the closer I get to graduation, the more desperate I am to do all the things that students should do. I sort of coasted through my 2nd year at SMU... aside from volleyball and the internship at OCBC, I don't really recall doing much else. Wish I had been even more involved.

Yeah, I definitely think that students should have CCAs. I simply cannot understand one's desire to merely study and miss out on the entire part of having fun as a student. I just cannot. Going home straight after school ends? Not knowing the highs and lows of being in a team? Scary. Well, that's just me.

Thursday, January 04, 2007

School, school, school

I'm having a flu and sore throat, and it's so not fun going to school when you are sick. No wait, it's not fun to go to school, period.

My prof for Analysis of Equity Investments just told us that he doesn't expect us to do our readings before class because we should have better things to do.

I like him. He has balls.

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

Goodbye 2006, Hello 2007!

2006 saw me...
1. Turn 21 on 24th May.
2. Travel to Vietnam, Taiwan and Melbourne.
3. Jump off a boat into the open sea even though I can't really swim.
4. Nearly break up with Fadzli on 3 occasions.
5. Attain my first A+ and C in school (how sad right?)
6. Finally watch an R(A) movie (Borat.. hohoho).
7. Get my IC checked by a 12-year punk at said movie.
8. Reaffirm my love for Civilization IV.
9. Realize that I'd never be able to play volleyball well.
10. Strip and paint my room all by myself.

2007 will see me...
1. Attempt to DJ for the first time in my life (SMU students, tune in for that!).
2. Sit on the substitute bench at IVP for the final time (goodbye splinters in ass).
3. Be a TA to unsuspecting year 1s.
4. Have a healthier relationship with Fadz.
5. Be in closer contact with my friends (KB gang, are you reading this???)
6. Travel to another glorious country for my parent's wedding anniversary.
7. Do another internship, hopefully at a good hotel.
8. LOSE WEIGHT (yeah right).
9. Make more money.
10. Graduate from SMU and unleash myself upon the working world.

I hope 2007 will be a good one. My final year at SMU. My 5th year anniversary with Fadz. My 10th year anniversary with the KB gang (wah piang, we're damn old can!).

And I've started the year with a big bang by having a flu and sore throat. Brilliant, Joanne, simply brilliant. Alright, I'm off to bed to forget how miserable I am.