Restoring balance...

Well, the boyfriend and I decided to hang out separately for the evening, and I think that's the balance we've been missing.

See, we're used to seeing each other maybe twice a week, thanks to our hectic work schedules that makes it almost impossible to meet on work nights. Put us together 24/7, where the only escape for some solitude is the toilet, and the tendency for misunderstandings shoots way up.

So tonight, I decided that I didn't want to travel 1.5 hours from Yokote (a tiny town we're camped out at) to Akita (couldn't get hotels there) to see a festival that we'd already caught yesterday. But the boy wanted to go to get in a few more shots before we move on to Sendai for the rest of the vacation.

During his absence, I went for a facial (his treat) that I managed to procure after some vigorous hand wrangling at the beautician who thankfully, spoke 10 words of English (seriously, I counted and I've never been so glad). Our hotel also has an in-house onsen and having developed a real taste for the practice during our last vacation, I spent another blissful hour soaking in scorching water that I fervently believe is good for the body. I feel my soul restored.

Perhaps you would say the separation was long overdue and that I should have thought of it days ago. Thing is, hanging out on my own in Japan is no easy feat. Outside of Tokyo (and frankly even in the capital) no one speaks English, menus and directions are all in Japanese.

I'm basically at the will and whim and fancy of ZW, dependent wholly on him to get us from point A to point B. And if he ain't moving, so aren't I. Which can be frustrating as he may want to linger in a place longer while I want to move on, or vice versa. Alas, such is life. I'm just thankful that for the most part, I've done what I've needed and wanted to do with few complaints from him.

And truth be told, ZW has been an absolute champ in recent days. Stupidly, I lost my beautiful pink camera (either in Aomori or Hirosaki, I can't remember) and was initially terrified of what he would think, as that's the second present from ZW that I've managed to lose (a Burberry pink key pouch was the first).

But instead of berating me, as I fully expected him to do, he wrapped me in a hug and said it was ok, and that it was just a camera. He also accompanied me to Hirosaki AND Aomori, retracing all our steps and even lodged a police report (side note: the policeman was so surprised to learn that we were Singaporean I think he was more interested in finding out about us rather than writing the report).

Sure, ZW eventually nagged and chided me a little, but he didn't lose his temper, nor did he refuse to help me ask around, and for that, I can't help loving him even more.

I thought this vacation would make us all the more loving and tight, that it would be a barrel of laughs and we'd breeze through it. But instead, we met with arguments and heated exchanges, and there were seriously times when I despaired and wondered where this relationship was heading.

But I think I've gained a little more insight into what really makes a good relationship - and that's knowing you can count on your other half for support and help, even when the chips are down and you're not exactly seeing eye-to-eye.

While hugs and kisses, gifts and candlelight dinners are all fine and dandy, true romance is when the sun is beating down, throats parched and legs tired from a futile search, your other half willing takes another step and approaches the next person to inquire about a missing pink camera. <3 <3

Traveling with your loved one 24/7...

... can yield some great memories, but can also severely test the bonds of the relationship.

Being in close quarters with someone all day, and a foreign country no less, can sometimes bring out the worst in people.

Traveling already has its own set of trials, what with catching trains and navigating. But when you put two people with fiery tempers together, things can and do get ugly.

Perhaps due to the rushed nature of this current trip that I'm taking with zw - we were literally working up till the last moment before boarding the plane - things have seemed a little harried and hurried.

I was feeling so exhausted that i slept in the first few days, which to zw, is a cardinal sin as "we didn't pay thousands of dollars to sleep". Fair enough, but he wasn't exactly jumping out of bed at the crack of dawn. The only jumping he does is to roll over to hit the snooze button.

And since i'm unable to speak japanese, i'm once again wholly dependent on him to translate and basically, talk to me or else i'd go stir mad. So if he's in a huff or moody and non-responsive, it can feel awfully lonely, surrounded by voices you can't understand.

Case in point - i got out of bed late today and unable to wait any longer, zw left the hotel first to run some errands. Which was fine as we're in a tiny city that i'm pretty much familiar with.

But as i was rushing to get ready, the cleaning lady turned up and wanted to tidy up the room. i tried explaining that i needed 10 more minutes to be on my way. But she couldn't understand a word of english and we stood in the corridor, gesticulating wildly at each other.

She eventually brought me to the reception and i spent another 10 minutes explaining to the staff who eventually got what i was trying to say.

By then, i was already late meeting zw and was feeling thoroughly harassed. And i just knew he would say something snarky as to my tardiness. True to form, he remarked sarcastically if i had lost my way. Let's just say we spent a very quiet lunch, both left to stew in our own self righteous juices.

I think the one thing i have come to understand is that people don't really change, or it takes a really long time and not everyone has the patience to wait for the change to happen.

The ex promised me that he would be more expressive and let me know what he's thinking instead of expecting me to "just know" - a constant bone of contention. During our 7 years together, we would argue, he would try, we'd be happy for a while and then things would return to status quo.

What i finally understand is that he had 17 years to cultivate such a personality and habit. And 7 years ain't enough to break him of it. Certainly, towards the end, i could see some change. But my patience had run out, we had other issues, and that was that.

In zw's case, he's had over 20 years to cultivate an explosive temper. i know he's been working at it, even before i appeared on the scene. He too has said on many occasions that he's trying to be a better man.

Similarly, i've had 20 years of practice in acting defiantly and cultivating a lashing tongue - the ability to retort even before i've thought things through. Sometimes i succeed in biting my tongue and taking a deep breath. I'm not always successive.

I do believe people can change, just that it takes a really, really long time and the right incentive. Question is - can we be bothered to wait?