Final day of 2011, and what a year it's been. Both professionally and personally, I think I've been through a fair bit, both good and bad.
Professionally... well, let's just leave that for another day. It's always a big question mark in that area anyway.
Personally... well.. there's another question mark. I think as I hurtle down my 20s, age is catching up on me. And it's making me think a lot about what I want from a relationship. I feel like I've reached the point where the hormonal urges and the need to be crazily in love is rapidly becoming a thing of the past. Instead, what I truly crave for is stability. Knowing that I can depend on my other half. And every other day, I'm beginning to question if that's what I'm getting from my current relationship.
I feel like I'm dating an unknown force. One minute placid, sometimes the best of weather, but just as quickly, a hurricane could be wrapping around me. And it's so tiring. Can't I just have some nice warm weather for a prolonged period, please?
I think ZW has a terrible habit of making empty promises. Things he says off the top of his head, things he agrees to or promises to do.. but never does. Even simple things like being punctual seem beyond his ability. I don't know. It's tiring, and I come from a family who believes in being punctual. And it irks me to hell.
I just feel so let down recently.... so utterly dissatisfied. Sometimes I think I'm being too clingy and needy, which may be true. But is it really too much to ask for your man to step up to the plate, and not always be absent or distant? He always seems distracted, even when I'm right in front of him. Or he simply chooses not to respond.
I know he's tired. But hell, so am I. I do the same bloody job. I know the hours. I know the pressure. But I'm not absent. I'm not distant. And I'm always there for him when he needs me. I'm not sure I can say the same thing about him.
I feel like a kid with divorced parents. You know how it is. One parent gets main custody, but the other parent is expected to show up once in a while. And I feel like that kid waiting at the doorstop, told that daddy is gonna pick me up on Sunday and we're gonna have a ball of a time! And I've packed carefully and sitting patiently by the door... but daddy never turns up. And maybe the next day, I might get a phone call, oh I'm so sorry but something came up, I promise you, next week ok?
After a while, you get the feeling that he's never gonna show up. And you stop waiting.
It's not that I expect to see him all the time. I get it. We both work in sucky jobs. It's hard to meet, most days you just want to go home and crash. I get it. What really pisses me off is when he says he's gonna show up, and doesn't.
Empty promises. Not much different from fucking lies. And after a while, it's hard to care anymore.
Professionally... well, let's just leave that for another day. It's always a big question mark in that area anyway.
Personally... well.. there's another question mark. I think as I hurtle down my 20s, age is catching up on me. And it's making me think a lot about what I want from a relationship. I feel like I've reached the point where the hormonal urges and the need to be crazily in love is rapidly becoming a thing of the past. Instead, what I truly crave for is stability. Knowing that I can depend on my other half. And every other day, I'm beginning to question if that's what I'm getting from my current relationship.
I feel like I'm dating an unknown force. One minute placid, sometimes the best of weather, but just as quickly, a hurricane could be wrapping around me. And it's so tiring. Can't I just have some nice warm weather for a prolonged period, please?
I think ZW has a terrible habit of making empty promises. Things he says off the top of his head, things he agrees to or promises to do.. but never does. Even simple things like being punctual seem beyond his ability. I don't know. It's tiring, and I come from a family who believes in being punctual. And it irks me to hell.
I just feel so let down recently.... so utterly dissatisfied. Sometimes I think I'm being too clingy and needy, which may be true. But is it really too much to ask for your man to step up to the plate, and not always be absent or distant? He always seems distracted, even when I'm right in front of him. Or he simply chooses not to respond.
I know he's tired. But hell, so am I. I do the same bloody job. I know the hours. I know the pressure. But I'm not absent. I'm not distant. And I'm always there for him when he needs me. I'm not sure I can say the same thing about him.
I feel like a kid with divorced parents. You know how it is. One parent gets main custody, but the other parent is expected to show up once in a while. And I feel like that kid waiting at the doorstop, told that daddy is gonna pick me up on Sunday and we're gonna have a ball of a time! And I've packed carefully and sitting patiently by the door... but daddy never turns up. And maybe the next day, I might get a phone call, oh I'm so sorry but something came up, I promise you, next week ok?
After a while, you get the feeling that he's never gonna show up. And you stop waiting.
It's not that I expect to see him all the time. I get it. We both work in sucky jobs. It's hard to meet, most days you just want to go home and crash. I get it. What really pisses me off is when he says he's gonna show up, and doesn't.
Empty promises. Not much different from fucking lies. And after a while, it's hard to care anymore.
