Nut-nut is not a term of endearment

I read in 8 Days that Fann Wong calls Christopher Lee "爱爱" in private as a term of endearment.

As if struck by a bolt of inspiration, I turned to Fadz one evening and starting calling him "love-love" in my most manja of voices.

And of course, being Fadz, he gave me his patented "what the bleagh!" look.

Annoyed, I told him to christen a term of endearment for me too.

After a short pause, guess what the brilliant man comes up with?

NUT NUT.

So pleased with himself, he called me nut-nut nonstop for the next 5 minutes.

Why, someone please tell me, why I'm in love with a sadist?

So Anyway...

I was complaining to Fadz that out of the blue, my Dad started lecturing me and advising that I should go queue up for a flat, cos it takes like bloody 3 years to get a bloody PUNGGOL flat these days.

This coupled with some not-so-subtle jabs from friends and colleagues that I should be fasting for Hari Raya cos I'm "half-Muslim what"....

So there I was whining, like hello, somebody hasn't even proposed to me yet, what talk of getting a flat.

So Fadz being Fadz, said, "I have to concentrate on getting a ring and whatnot, where got money to buy a flat? Why don't you stop spending so much on shopping and save up for the flat instead?"

Like totally -_-'''

So in a fit of annoyance, I was like "does this mean if I get you a ring, you'd pay for a flat?"

Fadz: "sure. I'd use the ring you buy to propose to you and then I'll give you a flat".

Idiot. Told you he wasn't romantic. And mean. And surly.

Dunno why I bother talking to him. Better off watching Glee. Humpf.

New episode!!!

Well, my little escapade in Cologne has come to an end.

And you know what? I AM ready to come home. The charm of roaming the streets alone wore thin after awhile. Having people not understand me, either because they don't speak English or can't understand my accent, did mar the experience a little. Some call it an adventure, I call it an inconvenience.

At least when I went to Paris with the girls, I understood a little bit of French. But you know what? Europeans really are quite helpful. I had random people coming up to me to ask if I needed help, especially when I was staring at my map and looking like a hopelessly lost person.

And today marks one year since Fadz and I got back together! Sad that I'm not there with him... but we've agreed to celebrate when I touch down tomorrow, cos 11/11 mah, more cool. Haha!

But I wonder... what would have happened if we didn't get back together? Sure, the 2 months apart hurt like hell, but I'm sure I'd have survived it and moved on. Don't we all?

And would my German experience have been any different if I was single? Would I have flirted a little more, tried my feminine wiles a little harder, been as charming as possible, had a quickie romance on the fly?

Oh well, I can only speculate. But I fly home now with the knowledge that my Fadz is waiting for me at the airport, ready to welcome me with open arms. Knowing that there's someone waiting and looking forward to seeing me... that feels pretty good too.

I used to wonder if I still "have it", if I still desirable to the opposite sex if I was to trawl the singles market again. I used to think that being in a relationship for so long made me dowdy, predictable and unattractive. I'm glad to report that feeling is gone. And I'm DEFINITELY glad that I'm still desirable to some men. I'd leave it at that.

Haha, dunno who's reading this blog mah! But I didn't do anything inappropriate in Cologne, lah! At least nothing outrageously inappropriate. Teehehehehe...

Yay, coming home!

Whoever's reading this and cares, lets meet up soon!

Lifeless

A typical day for me sounds like this...

Wake up, stare blankly into the ceiling, get ready for work, go to work, sleepwalk through my assignments, go home, wash up, sleep.

It's really pathetic. Which explains how I could have missed a get-together with the volleyball girls.

I'm sorry darlings, I was working till 10.30pm.... and then you girls were unsure about what you wanted to do... So I jumped at the opportunity to do something when my colleague suggested we go for drinks.

Yes yes, promise that I'd make it for the next outing.... !

And yet, I'm typing this from the office. On a Friday night. The terminals around me are switched off and if I look up, I stare straight into an empty corner.

The only other person on shift with me is the night editor.

Sigh, sigh, sigh.

On the upside, I celebrated Hari Raya with Fadz's family on Wednesday.

This time last year, we had broken up. I remember I was sitting at home, thinking that life really sucked.

I didn't just miss Fadz, I missed the convivality of celebrating the holiday with his large and boisterous family.

Fast forward one year, and how times have changed. In fact, I can't believe that a year has passed since that "dark period", as I term it.

There I was, stuffing my face with his mum's famous food. Beef rendang, lontong, sambal goreng, ayam goreng and of course, my perennial favourite, SAMBAL SOTONG. I was practically drinking the stuff.

Playing with his numerous cousins. Coming from a small family (I only have 2 immediate cousins), I'm endlessly enthralled by his ever-expanding family.

Every year, it feels like I meet a new cousin, or a tiny baby being cradled in someone's arms.

And of course, seeing his cousins grow up before my eyes... tiny kids whom I used to run after in the corridors, who use to be up to my hip only and have now reached my eye-level.

Sniff, I'm growing old.

Attempting to my the dutiful girlfriend, I stayed till the end, attending to the endless stream of relatives who turned up at all hours, demanding to be fed.

Cups that needed to be refilled, lontong that needed to be cut, dishes that had to be replenished....

And the weird thing is, a lot of his family (whom I only see once a year, and the more distant ones), never know how to react to my presence.

When I attempt to salaam them, they either take my hand in an attempted shake, or look very confused. Or ignore me. I don't know which is worse. Maybe they're afraid to touch my pork-laden hand?

Oh Well. At least I was polite.

And when I was leaving, Fadz's grandma asked when I was planning to wear a baju. *Gulp*

Erm, how bout NEVER?

Or else, make sure your son marry me first. Hah. That should scare Fadz sufficiently.

"Me" versus "We"

The dangerous thing about being in a long-term relationship is that "me" starts to blur and "we" seems to take on a stronger persona. Other people start seeing you as part of a unit, and your individuality takes a backseat. I find that fucking annoying. It's like hellloooooo, I'm still me. How about focusing on me for a while, and not just fucking assume it's always we? Don't get me wrong, I love being in a relationship and all, but when fucking ignorant people attempt to address 2 separate people as 1, that just sets me off.

I hate it when people start defining me by using Fadz. Who the hell starts a conversation with "Eh, where's Fadz?" or "Isn't this football night? Where's your better half?" Erm excuse me, who died and made you the expert on what is proper football watching ettiquette? And whatever happened to a simple "You're watching football?"

Of course that pissed me off. And when I tried to reverse the tactic and use the same line of questioning, some people are simply so oblivious, or in this case, lacking in a strong personality, to realize a taunt. Maybe I'm being overly sensitive. But the point is, I refuse to be defined by my relationship. I'm ME. I just happen to be in a relationship, My life is still mine, and you can begin a conversation by asking after ME, thank you very much. It's nice that you enquire about my boyfriend, but when you start a conversation by directly enquiring after him, what does that make me? Chopped liver?

I suppose some people have utterly no character, no personality, no sense of being, other than that as defined by one's surroundings, group associations or friends/family.

Well screw you, you pathetic excuse for a human being. This is ME, Joanne, Goddess of unstable emotions. You acknowledge me, and then perhaps I might acknowledge your existence. Attempt to define me by other people, and you become insignificant to me. Because you obviously don't understand. And you're not worth my time. So bugger off.

You've been warned.