A New Beginning

The 1st 3 days of work have passed in a blur. Everything is so new, so different and so challenging. Doing journalism without a background in journalism is really making me break out in hives. Suddenly, I feel like I can't write properly and I can't speak properly. The only 2 skills that I am at least moderately confident of. But in just 3 days, such notions have been shot down completely.

Time to eat humble pie and be the incredible sponge. I can make it I can make it I can make it.

That said, I am having loads of fun. My adrenal glands are firing nonstop from the moment I sit down to the moment I leave the office. Writing news, tailing senior reporters to ceremonies, doing investigative work... it's definitely not a desk job.

And I never realized how much work goes into producing that 1 minute of news for radio. The constant rewording of 10 sentences to ensure there's no rubbish, condensing pages of a press release, finding the right angle and lead to a story...

But enough about work. It's time to bid a fond farewell to my slacker days with a tribute to my graduation trip. I know, I know, these photos have been a long time coming. But it's such a PAIN to sort through 3000+ photos and videos. So yeah, cut me some slack. And erm... I've only sorted out the Paris photos. Slowly, ok? Somebody asked me why the hell we needed to take so many photos, when we were already there to soak in the atmosphere.

Simple. Memories tend to fade and blend into one another. But with photos taken at every key moment of our holiday, I'd be transported back to that exact moment when I was standing taking that photo. Some people remember through sheer memory; I experience life through my photos.

It was fun travelling with my 2 dear girls, Kristin and Sylvia. What an adventure. I'd let the photos do the talking.

Yup, can you imagine? All those sweets for our plane rides. It's always an eye-opener being with these 2. Haha.

Emirates airport was a complete shitters. The crowd was disgusting, people were literally strewn all over the place, sleeping on newspapers, there was no crowd control at the gates with hundreds of people rushing the moment the announcement for boarding was made... It was a disaster. International airport my ass. Absolute rubbish.

First sight of Paris!

The view from our hostel room's tiny balcony. I loved this street. Very homey, it has tiny patisseries every couple of steps.

Immediately after we got to the hostel, we suited up and went to the Louvre. Small tip to save money - if you're under 26 and go to the Louvre on Friday after 6pm, you get in free!

Due to jet lag, the girls weren't really interested in the superb art that surrounded us from all corners. Not just the art, but the splendid architecture as well. Hence, we practically ran to the Mona Lisa and pretty much left to find dinner after that before crashing back at the hostel.

Breakfast was always a delight. Baguette and coffee. Simple but delicious. The girls complained about the lack of variety after a while, but ironically, Sylvia missed eating baguette the moment we returned to Singapore.

Yes, I ended up doing all the map reading and nagivation. Sigh sigh sigh. At one point, the 2 of them just stood there while I struggled to get my bearings, and after telling them twice which metro station we were getting off at, Kristin had to ask me again. I nearly strangled her.

We didn't always get things correct...

Navigation is just so much easier when you have a guide. We joined a free walking tour and it came with a tour guide who made Paris come to life with quirky anecdotes about various buildings in the city. His irrelevant humour definitely helped to liven up a very wet and rainy day.

Sample:

"Here's a tit." (points to a girl nearby)
"She's a tour guide-in-training."

St Michel Fountain...

Luxembourg Palace...

Kristin showed her "chee ko pek" side by sidling up to a guard and shamelessly asking for a photo together as she found him "cute"...

But of course I'm still cuter and camera friendlier (haha!)...

The beautiful River Seine

Our tour guide Pieter who earns a living completely from tips

What's the significance of this statue? Nothing, except that the temperature dropped so violently suddenly that my camera's flash bulb EXPLODED. And by this I mean producing a orange glow akin to fire and going "pop!". Bloody hell. Somemore claim to be all weather camera.

At this well, people believe that if you successfully flip a coin onto the raised platform, you would be blessed with a great sex life. But if you missed, you would be cursed with 7 years of bad life. One guy missed and we all went "Ohhhhh..." I didn't even try. I don't mess with the forces.

Yes, the coffee comes in tiny packages. But it was shelter and warmth that took us out of the near zero temperature of the outdoors.

We finally make it to the Eiffel Tower! Unfortunately, the experience was marred by an incident with a Middle Eastern beggar. She wasn't dressed in rags or anything, and I mistook her for a fellow tourist. So when she asked if I could speak English, I stupidly said yes. The beggar then thrust a piece of paper at me, saying that her father was terminally ill and they were poor yada yada yada.. That's when things became clear to me and I started to say no. You know what reaction the beggar had? She snatched back the piece of paper (which happened to be laminated, thank you) and used it to whack my head! What the fuck... she walked off and when I recovered from the shock, I screamed "bitch!" in her direction. At that time, I wasn't thinking and just wanted to vent anger. It was only when Li Wern mentioned that she could have been carrying a knife did I feel some fear. Haha. :)

At the top of the Eiffel Tower. The winter breeze was killing us and blowing us in every direction. The fence is to prevent people from jumping off, which apparently happens all the time.

The amazing view from the top...

The final day was spent visiting places we missed during the first few days there. It was mostly a whole day of photo taking as we didn't do anything more than go to the place of interest and look around.

Hamming it up outside Hotel de Ville, which has endured through the centuries despite revolutions and wars.

Notre Dame.. Yoo Hoo! Quasimodo! You home?

Moulin Rouge! Wooohooooo, let my inner diva out!

Sacre Coeur. Another scary experience occurred here. I seem to attract all the rift raff. Sheesh. To get to this basilica, you have to climb like 200 steps. At the bottom of the stairs, there was this group of Black dudes who suddenly accousted us. One approached me and when he tried to slow me down, I kept saying "不要, 不要!" Guess what he did? He put his freaking arm around me, hugged me close to him and called me his "girlfriend". That's when I REALLY ran for the stairs and didn't stop climbing till I put sufficient distance between us.

So that was our Paris adventure. Haha.. dunno when I'd have the energy to do the other 2 cities... Ciao!

Save The Film Maker

Oh my god, my friend is hilarious.

This is based on a real life story. He broke the school's camera and hence, made this short film to raise funds.

Save the cheerleader, save the world .

Save the film maker, save his career.

Go watch it.

I did it. I accepted the Mediacorp job.

Starting work on 11th Feb.

Hey, what's the point of being young, if not to take chances and walk off the beaten track?

Disclaimer: Before you read any further, I apologise for the whiny tone of this post. Even I want to punch myself. My tummy is making me ill and gaggish, hence outward showing of annoying self that I usually keep muffled. Hah. Ok, proceed with caution.

This crazy little thing called life. It's so bloody unpredictable and confusing that I wish I could just crawl under my blanket and shut it out.

So many decisions, so much to think about.

In the strangest twist of events, Mediacorp called back and offered me a job as a broadcast journalist. I nearly fell out of bed (yes, I was still in bed and I tend to be there until 11am so if you want to contact me and have the audacity to call before 11, beware my wrath). This is of course a huge, huge surprise seeing how I totally flubbed the test and pissed off my interviewer with my seeming lack of coherence and direction in life.

Once again, life throws me a curve ball.

After mulling over it for a bit, I talked to Fadz, to Li Wern, to my parents... I decided not take it up. Let's face it, I'm totally not a business person. In fact, I couldn't give a hoot about it. And the hours are bad, the working conditions are stressful... the way I see it, if I wanted to work like a dog, I would go into banking (not saying that I'd definitely get in lah, just hypothetically). And if I wanted to wake up at unholy hours, I might as well have accepted the SIA offer with its 6 months bonus. 4 hours of daily travelling time be damned (yes yes, SIA offered. I turned it down because of above said reason. I don't regret it).

So would I want to sell my soul to be a lowly paid newshound? More importantly, BUSINESS newshound? Nope.

Then another company called me up for an interview.. and I had an online test to complete for a graduate programme thingy for another company... all the options coming together to thoroughly confuse me.

The way I see it, HR is my chosen career path, at least for the foreseeable future. In order for something to throw me off course, it has to be pretty spectacular. Like a super high paying coffee lady. Or an actress. Singer. Food critic. Heiress. Entertainment journalist even. But business? Nah.

So I called back this morning, and tried my best to graciously decline the position because this HR person was really really nice. I told her that I wasn't keen on business. And then she asked me,

"Would you be interested in another desk then?"

I was trapped. Part of me wants to grab this chance and experience something different, at least for a short while, before throwing myself into a "real" career. You know, the thing you're stuck with the rest of your life? That's how I see HR. Stable. Straight and narrow. But journalism... that's a whole other ball game. It's something unexpected. Something that could be cool and thrilling. Like broadcasting the next big story. Updates on Pakistan. Announcing the next US president. Telling tales of the homeless.

And at the same time, something that I could really potentially suck at.

Let's not forget shitty hours. It's shift work and if you're stuck with the 3pm to 12am shift, tough. I didn't even ask about transport being covered. I'm so terribly unprepared and unsure and unknowledgeable about these things. Urgh. I should prepare a list and keep it by my table so that even when I'm half asleep and trying to think about my career, I would know what to ask.

How how how how how? She didn't outright offer me this new position as she had to check back with the big boss. I'd know on Monday.

3 things on my plate. All different.... Journalism, HR, Management trainee... SEEE!!!! I told you I had no clue about what I wanted to do!!! I'm so freaking random!!! THIS is what I get for being a flaky, indecisive, multi-personality Gemini!

My bed is starting to look like the best option again.

I'm down with food poisoning. Urgh. Yes, the vomiting-diarrhea-my stomach is hurting from all that heaving-kind.

Any anorexic/bulimic should be proud of me. And to whom do I owe this "fun" experience to? Sakae Sushi. That deathtrap of raw fish. Your one-way ticket to losing weight. No laxatives, no spoon down the throat. Just delicious raw fish that was probably wrapped in salmonella.

Haven't eaten a single thing in more than 36 hours. Such an accomplishment. And the amazing thing is, I'm not even hungry. Nada. Nothing more than water is getting past my throat. Even thinking about food makes me want to hurl. If I didn't know better, I'd think I was pregnant. And yes, I DO know better.

The only good thing is that I get to watch Sex and the City without getting badgered by my parents to get a job. When my super laidback dad can casually ask me "Had a good sleep?"... I know a not-so-subtle hint when it's thrown at me.

Sigh, yes yes, I know it's time to get a job. And to let you know the level of my interest... when people call me up for interviews, my darling friends (that being Sylvia and Kristin) would immediately chime in "Please sound more interested and not as if they owe you something!" Yup, I'm the consummate job hunter. So absolutely devoid of interest. So lacking in excitement. That's me.

But all party's have to end eventually. My bank account is dwindling so quickly that I've yet to scrap my jaw off the floor. It's so tragic that when I went to the beach with Syl and Kris and Kris suggested a morning cocktail at Cafe del Mar, I counted my pennies and decided that I couldn't afford it. How tragic is that.

The Fadz said that I could stay at home and shake leg if that was my wish, once he got a good paying job. I don't know if he said it out of guilt or in a rush of passion/madness/body snatched moment. Whatever. I'm taking it. I love staying at home. I think I've turned mooching into an art form. Yup, this is the life for me. All you career-minded women be damned. You can kiss my degree-ass.

Must be the meds talking.

P.S: Nigella says that chilli-sugar syrup over vanilla ice cream is da bomb. Anyone up for that?

P.P.S: Ok, I'm definitely watching too much tv.

I have no idea what to do with my life.

Have been going for interviews, have been searching for jobs, but I feel like my soul is not in it. I seem to be finding fault with every opportunity that comes my way. Why? Well, I haven't found a passion for any particular job. I can't firmly say what I want to do, I can't give a clear answer on a particular direction that I want to follow. And above all, I can't seem to find a meaning to work.

Why do we work? Most practically, to earn money to spend. Some lucky people may cite job satisfaction and derive a purpose for living from their work, but from what I see around me, people work so that they have the means to spend. Is that MEANINGFUL? Is this why we were put on this earth? To be slaves to commercialism and the economy?

Don't get me wrong. I love my fillet mignons and Gucci wallets and I understand that SOMEBODY must pay for them. But is that all there is to work? Should i get any random job that pays me decently and that I can do sufficiently well, but not consider job enjoyment as a factor?

Is there even such a thing as job enjoyment?

I didn't get the HP job (guess not knowing what the company does plays a big part, huh?). I went for the Mediacorp 2nd interview and it was really an interview to gauge my commitment level. Evidently, I am not prepared for the shitty hours. You see, the thing about journalism is that you really need the passion. It's shit pay, shit hours, shit work. So if you don't love living for the next big story, or chasing deadlines, then it's something you should pretty much avoid.

I don't think I'd get it and I don't think it's any big loss. I just feel sorry for having wasted everyone's time.

So back to the big question: what do I want? I need deliverance, a sign, a purpose, advice.... something to work on rather than this gaping hole of nothingness and weariness. I need to feel optimistic about life and not view the next 20 years as drudgery and watch myself spiral into a cycle of cynicism and jadedness.

What the hell should I do?

Another day in the life of a spazzy job hunter

Honestly, when I dig deep down inside of me, I know I'm a charlatan. And I can say it because I have no idea half the time what I'm doing or saying during job interviews. Being a free-spirited Gemini who does not believe in censorship or filtering, I fear I do not properly process the many flitting thoughts that enter my head and I have a tendency to say the first thing that pops into my head.

Either you love it or hate it.

Went for an interview with HP on Wednesday. Yes, the computer/personal electronics/business solutions company. And they asked me one of the most standard questions in the world, which evidently, I blatantly chose not to prepare for.

Interviewer: "So tell me what you know about HP."

*Awkward pause*

*Clears throat*

Me: "Not a lot, honestly. I know HP does computers, personal handheld devices, printers, and provides business solutions." *Interviewer nods encouragingly"

Me: "Oh yeah. And I own a HP desktop. Does that help?"

Sometimes, I can't believe the things that I have the gall to say. But hey, he laughed, and I've been invited back for a 2nd interview. Stranger things have happened.

On a more WTF level, Mediacorp called me, asking if I was interested in being a broadcast journalist. When the guy called, I did a double take and asked again which company he was calling from. When he said Mediacorp, I starting giggling because it's so damn random. Apparently, my school sent the resume compilation book to Mediacorp, thinking there might be seriously corporate jobs. And hey presto! Journalist??? On the radio??? MEEE?

Anywayz, the guy asked if I was interested and in a moment of madness, I actually replied "Why not?"

I wasn't trying to be a cocky bastard; I was just at a loss for words.

So I went for the audition today. The position was specifically for a business news radio journalist and what I know of business you can fit into a singular sticky note. There were 4 candidates, and coincidentally, all from SMU. It was pretty fun; you sit at a pseudo news desk, put on some headphones and speak into a mike as 5 people in a room separated by a see-through glass panel access how "radio-friendly" your voice is. Out of 4, 2 made the cut and I was one of them. I didn't think I'd make it. Yes, I was a DJ in SMU, but I was the WORST.

After reading a short piece of business news, we were asked to read a list of "tough" words. "Balestier" "lavender" "psychiatric". All very random. Passed that too. Next up: a 2.5 hour current affairs essay/short-answer questions test. I felt so screwed. I knew they were gonna test my current affairs knowledge, but in my typical fashion, I did minimal preparation.

And I must say, I believe I'm gonna fail the test spectacularly. They test ACTUAL financial/business knowledge. And what I know is equivalent to a fuckwit.

mini essay questions....

"It was a mistake to build the Integrated Resorts. Do you agree?"

"The property market is going to boom for another year. Do you agree?"

"Singapore entrepreneurs expect the government to offer a hand to them. Do you agree?"

I definitely didn't give brilliant answers, but I think I might scrape through.

And then I was hit with the shockers.

What do you understand from the following terms:

"Warrants" "CDOs" "ETFs" "Reits" "Bonus Issue"

I was stunned. I know, I know, as a finance student, these things should roll off my tongue like butter. But I was a horrid finance student, I have no interest in financial instruments, and I sure as heck didn't listen in class. Oh well.

Next up:

Match these stock exchanges to their respective countries - DAX, KOSPI, CAC....

I was fucked.

So there you have it: I'm either not applying for the right jobs or I'm a fuckwit.

Erm, I'm having fun slacking. Does that count for anything? Anyone with a job that would allow me to be happy? ANYONE????

Updates!

Man, I haven't updated for the longest time. Been out so much since I've come back, meeting all my dear friends, that I've been sick twice and don't even have time to look for a job!

Haha, don't even know whether people even read my blog anymore. Anywayz, it's for my own memories and if any of my dearies are reading this, hope you enjoy looking at the pics! Since I have waaayy too many photos, and I'm simply too lazy to describe every damn event that's taken place since my return from Europe, I'd let the photos do the talking.

Oh yeah, and the Europe photos... are still stuck with Sylvia. Go shoot her.

21 December, 2007
Met up with Jialing and Li Qin for a movie and dinner. Missed my dear girls and I must say, things are always interesting when they're around... :)

Went to watch Warlords which what CRAPOLA. I don't care if it was a Peter Ho production, but seriously, it stank. The acting was bad, the lines were bad, Jet Li was ugly AND bad... sigh. However, it was that or Alvin and the Chipmunks. Ms Aw, I think you need to improve your movie choices (hohoho).

Ate dinner at New York New York. Some good, some bad..

Since we were in the vicinity of school, hopped over to the sports hall to say hi to the vball girls who were training on a Friday evening... And since we're such "happening" people, we ended up at SMU's Ice Cold Beer, camwhoring on a lonely Friday evening... Sad hor? But as Jialing puts it... better than squeezing with thousands of people, right? RIGHT???

Haha, our waiter turned out to be a part-time camera salesman. He even thought me how to use my camera's functions, seeing how I never read instrution manuals... :)

The night was still young and we had nowhere to go... Guess where we ended up? The Wellness Centre of SMU. WE CANNOT BE ANY COOLER. It's Friday, and we sneak back to school to use the OSIM chairs and play Stacko. Wahahahahaha!

24 December 2007

Celebrated Christmas Eve with the Fadz. After all that's happen, I didn't think I'd be able to continue this tradition. But we've made it, and things seem pretty okay. I know many people were terribly shocked, showed disapproval, didn't think it was a wise move on my part.. All I can say is, some things are worth taking a chance for. And I'm not the kind of person who can let things slip through my fingers without really trying first. Some say stupid, some say ballsy. That's just me.

Went to watch I Am Legend. Will Smith put in a top performance, although the abrupt ending kinda killed the show for me.

My latest camwhore partner... teeheehee.

Went to Madrina Pizzaria, this quaint little pizzeria place (which can't spell pizzeria) in the suburbs. Turned out to be quite good and value for money!

It was quite a wait for our food, so how does one pass time?

Slurp!

I wanted to countdown to Christmas at Clark Quay so we hopped over there. But as the night was still relatively young, we had more dessert at this absolutely adorable place, Paisley and Cream, located within Central Mall.


Amazing cupcakes. My poor baby was knackered out from working half day...


Merry Christmas!

25 December 2007
Merry Christmas! My favourite holiday, definitely! Not just the presents, but the family meals, the Christmas cheer, and the mahjong that ensues. Haha :)

Ate at Gordon's Grill at Goodwood Park. Not bad, I suppose. But definitely not great. The service made up for it though. And I noticed mostly ang mohs at the restaurant, so all you wannabe SPGs, you know where to hang out.

30 December 2007

Touted as a 10-year reunion, a chance to meet up with old pals and reminisce about the good ol' days. To pretend that alls wells that ends well, and that old pranks and vengeance are a thing of the past. Oh yeah, and filling in gaps in my memory about the numerous pranks those bunch of monkeys played on teachers and students alike. Case in point: in Sec 2, the guys dared this quiet guy, Song Bei, to write something naughty on his exam script. So for his English Compo, he wrote something along the lines of "... taxi driver by the name of Lim Chee Bye." My English teacher nearly threw a fit. -_-'''

Yeah right. It was time to gossip about what's happening to everyone, to watch ex-couples avoid each other throughout the night and the laugh at ex-pranksters. Oh yes, we're vicious people.

Mah jong makes me happy... :)

And random phototaking ensue...

Sheesh...

My beloved KB gang, finally reunited! Now THAT'S 10 years of friendship. The Baoz back from Sydney, the Mok back from America and Ah Yi who came down to show face for a couple of hours even though she was dead exhuasted from camps and whatnots... *sniff*

The girls...

and guys...

Don't ask how we squeezed so many people into 1 chalet. The KB gang took over the 1 bedroom and no one dared to come in. We ain't KB for nothing.

Unfortunately, a Mr Stanley Chiang brought his girlfriend over at around 2am, starting making out in front of all of us until we were gagging and puking, and then proceeded to the bedroom under the pretense of needing some sleep. Despite Peiwen being on the bed because she refused to give it up, they unceremoniously plonked themselves down next to her and starting canoodling. Couples should have some etiquette too, yeah?

31 December 2007

Didn't sleep the previous night and went home early to crash. Woke up in the late evening exhuasted, but I wanted to go out with Fadz. So dragging my old bones out, I crawled to this place at Bukit Timah, The Tea Party. Very cute and cosy place, where you can read magazines, play games while nibbling on some very tasty eats. Pity we went on New Year's Eve, where they were so busy that it took then 1/2 hour to bring us our drinks and 45 minutes to bring us food. But it's not too expensive and the food is good, so hey, patience goes a long way.

Yes, it was that cold in the place..

Excuse the haggard face..

Food glorious food! The scones are da bomb! Crispy on the outside, soft and chewy on the inside. Slather it with butter and jam and you're good to go. How to lose weight, you tell me?

Sigh, I wanted to go see fireworks at Esplanade, but I think exhuastion finally caught up with me cos I started sneezing like mad and every bone in me ached like crazy. So my darling obligingly went home with me to watch the countdown on tv. But surprise surprise, from my flat, I could actually see Malaysia's fireworks! That was a treat!

1st January 2008

Thought I would sleep in to get over the exhuastion. The Fadz woke me up asking if I wanted to go over to his house to celebrate his grandma's birthday. Of course I said yes. After we got back together, I've been waiting to see when he'd invite me back. Cos you know, things are kinda weird and all... But hey, I adore his family and his grandmother, so I had to go. 73 and still feisty! She loves to whack me. And the first thing she said when I came into the house was that I put on weight. Ta ma de.

But I got to see my favourite cousin of his, Rian, whom I love love love to bits. He's a bit older now, so kinda lost that infant cuteness. But he looks like a little monkey and I couldn't stop kissing him... :)

We christened this his "stupid look". Teehee..

And he has a new sister, Diya. So chubby, so adorable, so heavy! My arm nearly broke from carrying her. Goes to show how weak I've become...

I look washed out. Tsk tsk...

Went for dinner with my family after that at Shin Kushiya (or something like that) at Vivocity. Brilliant charcoal grilled Japanese food. The foie gras melts in the mouth and I went to heaven eating the tender, juicy beef steak. Nothing like good food to make me happy.

Ok, that was a super, duper long post. Was sick again yesterday from lack of rest (midnight mahjong at Syl's house on Fri, midnight movie on Sat). And so many people I've yet to meet..

Hope you guys had a great start to the New Year too!

Bring on 2008, I can't wait! =)

Guess Who??

I'm baaaccckkkkk!!!!!!!!!! Europe was beyond fun, beyond anything I could have imagined.

Sigh, I wish we could have stayed longer.

10 days, 3 cameras, 10GB worth of photos and videos. Thousands and thousands of photos to sift through. It's gonna take forever!!!

Final Post (For 12 days, anyway!)

Whoopppeee!! And I'm counting down the hours.. 3.5 hours till I board the plane, and I'm feeling really jittery now!

Anywayz, I will be checking email sporadically in Europe, so if there's anything important, any juicy gossip, anything that I should know/would like to know/would be interested to know, please email me at joanne.chan.2004@business.smu.edu.sg or joannetopia@gmail.com.

Oh yeah, in case any of you do not know or have not been informed through the gossip network, I've gotten back together with Fadz.

Once you've gotten over the being incredulous and gasping stage, you would be pleased to know that you are not alone. The number of people who have expressed doubt and incredulity...

All I can say is, I'm happy. The "being friends" bit was utter and complete rubbish. There can be no such thing, and I wasn't mature enough, and I doubt I'd ever be. How the hell do you treat someone whom you loved with all your heart with a distant politeness? So it was either he was in my life the way I wanted, or out of it completed.

The way I see it, did he make a mistake? Yes. But it takes 2 hands to clap. And while I'm not trying to absolve him of all his guilt, I can't lay the demise of our relationship entirely at his doorstep either. People have questioned the trust issue. Yes, it's going to be tough. Sometimes, I find myself questioning his every move suspiciously, but I trust that in time, once we've worked things out, it would be better.

Forgive, I think I have. Forget, that's the bugger of a problem. But like Li Wern says, I should never use this as a missile when we fight next. Lording this over him would probably make things worse. And so I shall not. I'm sure he's thought long and hard about it.

But I simply couldn't let him go. Sure, I'd readily admit that the fear of the unknown was partially responsible for my not letting go. But how could I just let go of the man who is equally comfortable talking to me about religion and the state of the world as he is movies and music? A man who is equally conversant at singing the latest pop lyrics as he is composing original poetry? The same guy who is equally adept at accompanying me to an Andy Warhol exhibition as he is rocking out next to me at a concert? The only guy I know who shares almost ALL my interests and is always up for new experiences?

The same man who resented me as virulently as he did passionately love me.

Such extremes. Never a dull moment, that I can say. So this time, I'm walking in with my eyes wide open. What will be, will be. I suppose all I can ask for is to not be kept in the dark again. Ignorance is my greatest fear.

K lah! It didn't start out as a serious post! Bye! Let's meet up soon, whoever reads this blog and is acquainted with me!

Farewell Singapore, Hello Europe!

Well well well, it seems like that time has finally rolled around.

WE'RE OFF TO GALLIVANT THROUGH EUROPE!!!!! LOOK OUT, HERE COMES THE NUTSIs!

Seriously, wish us luck. What happens when you put 3 super giggly, super loud, super bimbotic females together and throw them in Europe for the 1st time, with no knowledge of their language?

Utter chaos, I suspect.


Paris!

Barcelona!

Rome!

Ohhhhh... who cares if I suck at Finance, have no job when I come back, and am close to penniless right?

Life works in mysterious ways. One moment your world can be crumbling and the next, pieces fall in place again.

I went through 6 hours of interview, 12 hours of traveling and got offered a position. I turned them down. Too little for too much traveling. Haha, and I did it in a most unprofessional way. Let's just say I got caught out on a couple of white lies. Oops.. guess I won't be applying there in the next 10 years.

Other interviews have been officially lined up. I was swaying back and forth for a couple of days but in the end, I simply couldn't imagine myself waking up at 5.30 every single freaking day. Ok, now that the lifeline is gone, it's time to SERIOUSLY job hunt.

Things on the personal front are.... haha, I'm not saying. :)

We all do things that may not make sense, or seem rational. But I suppose in the end, you do things that make you feel good.

Just one day at a time.

Himbo Moment Take 1

I was in the library with Mr. David Aw, taking a break from studying for Personnel Selection, when this priceless moment occurred...

I'm incredibly bored and decide to surf a couple of blogs. Reading Sydney's new blog, her latest post is about the rehearsal footage of Britney's choreography for the VMAs, but with a stand-in dancer. I'm happily watching the pretty awesome dancing (man! Britney must have been high or something! The dance was supposed to be so hot!), when David Aw leans over...

David (genuinely perplexed): "Eh! Stop pretending to be arty can! Just because we had a talk earlier about art, doesn't mean you have to pretend to be so arty!!"

I was stunned speechless. The title of the blog post was "BRITNEY'S REAL VMA CHOREOGRAPHY", there's no way he could have missed it at his close range. Britney = arty???? What next? 50 Cent the next Mozart? Elton John the next Pope?

I didn't know whether to burst into laughter or mock him openly. I wisely chose to do neither, swallowing my giggles and going back to work.

And making fun of him on my blog instead.

Here's the ARTY video for your viewing pleasure.

Family of Non-Scientists...(Bimbo moment Take 1)

While watching Fantastic Four:

(TV) Reed: "Chem 101: What happens when you supercool hot metal?"

Cheryl, Geraldine and Me (in unison): "What happens??"

.
.
.

Geradine: "Guess we all failed chem, huh?"

Haha, and THAT'S why we're all into the arts scene.

Time To Wake Up

It's freaking amazing. Either I'm truly schizophrenic, or there's something about relationships that makes me go bonkers. Maybe I'm not meant to be a girlfriend, or maybe I've just been saddled to the wrong man. A man who makes me behave irrationally and like a shrew. A man who thinks so little of me and belittles me in a bid to boost his own ego (he actually had the balls to admit it). A man who recognized that I am stronger than he'd ever be and uses tiny emotional tricks to break down my self-esteem.

I'm a hopeless romantic. I keep thinking that I'd have a fairytale ending to my life. And seeing how my parents have been together and still so loving after a long time, a long term relationship really appeals to me. So much so that I can be blinded and act like a besotted fool when I think I'm in love. Taking punishment and self-flagellation that no self-respecting person should ever have to swallow. Thinking that there's something wrong with ME because my best traits are portrayed in a negative light by him. Thinking no one would ever love ME again because he has described me as a horrible human being. Yes, this is all coming from a man who purported to have loved me.

He doesn't even begin to know the meaning of love. And I'm finally beginning to realize what it means to be an utterly, utterly stupid fool. I used to despise and scorn women who behaved in such a manner. Now I understand. Women are naturally emotionally fragile. And when we are emotionally invested in someone, our egos become incredibly brittle and affected by our significant other. No matter how strong we may seem, on the inside, we have surrendered our autonomy and often find it difficult to regain independence. To the extent that when things go badly, we are unable to see ourselves as being worthy creatures again.

I hit a new low last night. I allowed him to continuously abuse me over and over again, all the while swallowing my pride and hurt. The more I think about it, the stupider I feel. I feel like slapping myself and shaking myself awake from this nightmare. Yes, this may be my first relationship, but it's no reason for acting like a spineless, mindless, stupid fuck. Someone please slap me really, really hard.

I'm so mad right now! I want to hurt something really, really badly. Luckily, I have really supportive people around me who keep me from falling off the cliff. I will not succumb to depression. I will not lose my self-respect.


This is what he let slip away. His loss. Maybe this is God's way of telling me that I need to treat myself better and that I'm capable of hooking someone a gazillion times better than him.

Thank the stars! I can finally enjoy pork in all its beautific, juicy glory again.