Baby Steps

So I've been a missus officially for almost a month, and the most common question I'm asked is, "how's married life?"

Not very different, honestly.

Sure, the mister has moved in and my space has effectively been cut in half.

I had to say goodbye to a far number of clothes and books, but it's worth it. That's what I tell myself to feel better anyway.

My sleep patterns are a bit off because I'm a 9 - 6 girl, while ZW's schedule is all over the place (something I definitely do not miss about reporting).

So I try to stay up to spend some time with him, or else I'm effectively sleeping next to a person but not interacting much with him.

Other than that, it's simply getting used to another person in the house I suppose.

For him, he feels like an outsider moving into my home (a hopefully temporary solution to a housing crisis). My family has been absolute troopers, trying not to scare off the husband but smothering him with too much attention.

ZW too has been trying his best to fit in. It's difficult, of course. When our tempers clash, he never ceases to remind me that he's the one making the sacrifice, moving into a foreign situation and trying to acclimatize.Sure, I may have offered to do the reverse, but circumstances dictated that him moving in was the best solution.

So I try to hold my tongue when he unleashes his fiery temper, I try to squash my natural instincts to be a dirty, messy person and roll happily in my own filth. Because it's not just about me anymore.

For the most part, I feel like we are making progress, trying to fit into each other's rhythms.

But then we have a fiery blowout and I feel deflated again. I would then sit on my gorgeous new queen size bed (big perk of married life) and wonder what I've gotten myself into. The selfish single in me questions the point of giving up my free-wheeling ways, clamping down on after hours activities, cutting down the drinking, the clubbing, trying to be a cleaner person... and for what? So that he can still find fault with me? Wouldn't it be easier if we just lived apart.

Yup, things do suck royally on occasions.

But on other occasions, when he encourages me to pursue my passion for cooking, when he swallows half my cake to show support, when he smiles after a long day at work because I greet him at the door, when I fall asleep and he kisses me goodnight... these precious memories somehow make it all worth it.

And that's really it, I guess. Having a companion, a witness to your life. To feel like your actions have meaning, that what you do affects another person. That at the end of the day, bad behaviour can hurt someone, that good behaviour delights a person. To feel like you have an anchor to this world and that I'm accountable for, and to another person. To feel like I matter.

So deep breathe, baby steps people, baby steps.

T-minus 5 Hours

I'm getting married.

Just a year ago, Zhaowei popped the question in Prague.

We didn't do anything for the longest time, before something clicked and I was like, "shouldn't we be planning a wedding?"

The process was slow going, as we struggled to complete one task per weekend and yet, not forget to spend time as a couple.

In some sense, I've not really thought about what getting married means. There's still the official wedding ceremony in March. Today is merely the legal proceeding to satisfy the Singapore court.

So I'm married, but not quite.

And even after the March wedding, we won't be starting a life together. Because we have no home. You read that right - we aren't going to stay together.

We're still in queue for a BTO flat, but the situation could change in the near future. Everything is in limbo.

Some people think it's weird, others sympathize and have been in a similar situation.

So how does one grow up and meet the next milestone in life, when things are pretty much status quo?

After all the flowers have wilted and the gorgeous gown returned, I'll still be going home to the home I've known my whole life. I'll still see my husband/other half once a week as there's no space or option of moving into one house.

Will my life have changed in any real sense, aside from wearing a ring and ticking the married box?

Ok, I'm just freaking out a little. It's really here. I need to concentrate on the main thing - which is tying myself in every possible way to the love of my life. (Omg did I just quote Twilight????? I must really be freaking out!)

Halfway To Being A Missus

Getting married is serious stuff.

Far from walking into a Vegas chapel past midnight and getting Elvis to marry you, getting married in Singapore is much more bureaucratic.

We turned up at the Registries of Marriage (ROM) bright and early on a Wednesday morning, and hung around outside with several other couples waiting for the doors to open.

It was a mixed bag of couples - locals, locals marrying Ang moh men, locals marrying China women, even a couple who brought along a kid. Second marriage perhaps.

The doors slid open at 8.30am sharp and the nervous horde gravitated towards one terminal to get a queue ticket.

My fast thinking partner saw another lonely terminal just a few steps away and we broke out from the crowd and got a ticket fast. Ladies, get hitched to an observant one.

Today's ceremony was officiously called "statutory declaration and documents verification". This is after we had already filled out a form online and secured a solemnization date 3 months in advance. The other half asked why this procedure couldn't be done online in this day and age. Good question. The best I could come up with was cos getting married is serious stuff and only by making you jump through hoops does it really hit you.

We shuffled into the waiting area and our number was soon called up on the electronic board. A quick presentation of our IDs, and then we had to read out a marriage oath. More serious business.

ZW was unfortunately running a temp and was semi-delirious as he read out the wordy and legalistic oath. He probably wont remember much. I was mildly horrified that it all seemed so..clinical and loudly voiced my thoughts. The marriage officer was slightly amused. Ah, young love.

Then it was my turn. The passage turned out a lot harder than I imagined, and in my haste to get it over and done with, I tripped over several words. I'm pretty sure I said "sodomly" instead of "solemnly".

Before you think that's it, we still have to make another trip down to the ROM in a week's time to say our vows officially in front of a justice of peace.

Like ZW said, inefficient.

I guess I'm in limbo now, neither married nor single. Hmm.