Monday, February 28, 2005

Salaam

Salaam

Was at the boyfriend's house yesterday to celebrate his brother's 13th birthday. Lol, previously, i was pissed at him over a very small issue. Fadz has a very laidback attitude to everything, including our relationship. to him, we are supposedly at the level where i SHOULD know what to do in every situation. I didn't really receive an invitation to go over to his house, and so i asked him about it. but he replied meanly "Usually we don't invite you and you also come what." -_-''' That totally pissed me off... haha, i'm sensitive in that way.
so childishly, i refused to sms him to ask what time to go over. and accordingly, that stupid boy ignored me as well... until my marked absence triggered a rude message from him late in the afternoon. followed by a few more rude messages. it really was a battle of the words; seeing who can piss off the other person more. sigh... are we really 20 years old??? when i cornered him later to ask about the relevance of the messages, he admitted he just wanted to irritate me. altogether now... sssiiggghhh...
anyway, at his house... although i know his family well, i've never really conformed to their customs and traditions. so when one aunt asked pointblank "No salaam ah?" (salaam, by the way, is the paying of respect to an elder by touching your nose to the elder's hand) In shock, i clumsily grabbed her hand and instinctively, i started to pump her hand ie like a handshake before remembering where i was and touched my forehead to her hand. hahahahahhaha...
so anyway, when i was leaving, i performed the same action to all his relatives... wrongly. i hope they don't mind. after all, i have no prior "training". Only when i consulted Fadz did i discover my faux pas. oh well, you live and learn.
oh yeah, and his youngest aunt is pregnant! his cousins are sooo adorable. i can't wait for another cousin to cuddle and kiss!

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

The World's Greatest Tragedy

The World's Greatest Tragedy

While reading blogs, i came across this comment:
"Everyone has been harping on the 250 000 people who perished in the Tsunami since last December. But do you know that 4 million people have died in a civil war in rebel-controlled East Congo for the past 6 years... Why do we not hear of this? Because they are black." - sheabutter
Although i've known Congo to be repressed and war torn, i never knew about the extent of the war horror. On the other hand, i knew intimately about the death toll created by the Asian Tsunami. Why is there such a discrepency? Media manipulation? Or do people only want to know what they are willing to help?
I suppose the difference is the method of salvation. To put it coldly, money will eventually rebuilt all that was lost to the tidal waves. yes, people died, but with money, lives will be rebuilt, villages restored. and life goes on.
but with Congo, nothing short of declaring war and taking back the country from the rebels will change anything. So why isn't the Bush administration charging in with it's democracy fighters and all that bullshit?
sheabutter makes a point. Because they are black. In Iraq and Afganistan, there was oil to gain; revenge to be taken. But to take control of Congo, what can the Americans hope to gain? Nothing much. So there's no return of investment.
So there you have it - invading a country to liberate it is crap, American crap. If George Bush was truly that righteous, let's see him charge into Congo.
So which is a greater tragedy, one caused by nature or one by war? to me, both seem incontrollable. to wish that we will one day live in a world where there are no desperados or power-hungry dictators is foolish. people are just that way. selfish and greedy for more.
oh yeah, what more details on the horrors of Congo? Check this out.

Thursday, February 17, 2005

Technology & World Change - Who Cares?

Technology and World Change - Who Bloody Cares?

I must say, this is possibly the most bullshit and boring class that i will ever attend at SMU. Yes, it's even worse than financial accounting. Even though the professor speaks well and his biting sarcasm can be rather humorous at times, he's like a well-spoken engineer speaking to a group of philosophy students: no one understands, and no one gives a shit.
After valiantly fighting to keep awake by throwing myself into participating in class, only one hour has passed. Time is dragging by so slowly i feel like throwing myself out of the window. Of course, since we're on the ground floor, i don't think i would get maimed; my pride maybe, but my miserable mind will still feel like killing itself.
I'm soooo bored, you cannot imagine. The prof can go on and on about a particular topic... like a radio, or broadcast system, and he uses all kinds of analogies to make us understand. But the point is, who cares? Who really gives a shit?? How is this supposed to help us? How are we supposed to go for an exam that is 40% of our final grade when we a) don't know what the course is all about b) have no idea what he could possibly test us on c) we don't bloody care or want to care.
Sigh. And to think i was doing so well mimicking someone who did care. i'm participating, i'm trying to to listen, but right now i've given up. Seeing how i'm using a computer that is not even mine, i think he would know that i'm not listening. Once again, show of hands, who cares? Not me.

Wednesday, February 16, 2005

The Bell Jar

I've just finished reading The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath and it's an amazing book. The way she expressed the kinds of emotion and grief, the insanity, that one feels during a mental breakdown was so eloquent that i wanted to weep in despair. Although i rarely have a liking for depressing books, The Bell Jar was so riveting that i had to complete it within 2 sittings.

I suppose another strong point of this book is that it is so relevant. I'm sure at some point in everyone's life, we have felt stifled by people's perceptions and what we should do, how we should behave, etc. And that inability to climb out of that controlled environment is what the Bell Jar is all about. Being unable to shed inhibitions and societal notions to be who we want to be, do what we want to do. I've felt that way many times before. Many, many times.

Also, why is it that more women are prone to mental breakdowns than men? Post-natal depression, menopausal emotional breakdowns, not to mention how sometimes the littlest things can set us off. Why were we born to be able to feel so much, to feel pain in magnifold? Depression, in many degrees, can be seen in women everywhere. While i have never experienced complete depression, sometimes i feel that life can seem very unforgiving. The oppressiveness of even waking up in the morning can be so overwhelming that being alive is an effort. Isn't that truly scary?

Haha, i'm not saying that i'm heading towards the psychiatric ward, i'm just saying that if there really is a God, he sure played a final joke on us women: he made us feel too much. I supposed that's why they say you should never offend a women; rage is also an emotion, and when we go bonkers, we truly go bonkers. I guess it's to compensate for all the pain that we somehow take upon us to bear. Some women choose to weep and die from the inside; others need to pass the pain onto others before it subsides.

"Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned." No shit.

Monday, February 14, 2005

Whirlwind of socialising

Whirlwind of socialising

Wow, what an exhuasting week of entertaining, and most of it didn't even have to do with chinese new year. the endless rounds of meeting friends and just catching up has left me rather tired. but it was fun! boy, was it fun (and fattening!)

09/02/05: beginning with cny eve dinner at mayim, which wasn't fantastic, but it marks the start of the orgy of gorging that i embarked upon.

10/02/05: next was Cheryl's (my sista) birthday celebration; she turned the grand old age of 25. birthday dinner was at Muthu's curry, which began on a rather gross start, as a little boy at a nearby table threw up while his grandma was carrying him. some of his puke found its way onto our then empty plates. restaurant is nice enough, definitely not your ordinary indian restaurant. even more startling was that it served yu sheng, in the spirit of cny and all. food was good, setting was pretty; a good meal in all.


me with the birthday girl


me with the family (dad was taking the picture)


the yu sheng (they hired a chinese chef especially for this occasion)


a bad shot of the food!

11/02/05: was out with fadz that day, and as i was settling into the couch for a good round of tv, my crazy friends (read: eng teck) called up to blackmail me into surprising sylvia. we had a cake and all, which was nice. but at 11pm at night, to travel all the way to boon lay for a 15 minute surprise... i was slightly disgruntled... :)


hamming it up at Plaza Singapura's Gelare


at the fountain outside ngee ann city


12/02/05: Sylvia's official birthday celebration at her house (again!). Chocolate cake aside, had a pretty fun time gossiping with my fellow smu friends, before playing mah jong with frank, denise and wai hon. i won $11! muahaha...


the smu gang!


Later i trooped over to sim's (my sec 2 form teacher) house for a visit. it's actually a cover up for the 206 people to meet up annually. we just need a place and reason to meet up. haha... poor mr sim. every year we arrive only to cost him a fortune and turn his house upside down. had fun bitching (as usual) about our fellow ex-classmates with the KB gang, before giggling and being silly over how a few of the boys have ahem.. matured and become better looking. haha..


fooling around at mos burger waiting for jing yi


the kb gang! (minus ms charlotte)


my great, old teddybear teacher!


lol, we think he's pretty hot. better looking in real life.


13/02/05: was supposed to be fadz and my celebration of valentine's day, as he would be in camp come the actual day. but alan had planned a nice lunch gathering at The Oaks at Tanglin Mall as a farewell party for Pris. She's leaving to study in Australia on Friday, so sad.. another person flies the coop. :( I brought my camera to take photos, but it ran out of battery... -_-'''


after that, we played pooled at Mambo at Lucky Plaza, and surprise surprise, i stink at pool. oh well...


later in the afternoon, fadz and i walked around orchard to kill some time before dinner (more eating!). things have been a bit strained between us lately; he prefering to languish in stability and routine, and me craving for some sponteneity and missing the heady feeling one feels when one is in the initial stages of a relationship.. i guess i was also freaked out by his constant references to married life and children. lol, he has accelerated the process by a million times.


sensing that i was truly bored of walking around aimlessly, he suggested we go to the breakwater at marina bay for some alone time. it worked like a charm. somehow, the clear azure blue skies, the deliciously dry grass that we were sitting on, and the serene ocean (complete with ships) that we were facing made everything seem... wonderful. in all my fits of exasperation, i failed to remember one important factor of our current relationship: how happy and stable we are, and that he never fails to make me feel loved. sitting there looking at the water, being held in his arms, he made me feel absolutely safe, warm and happy. very, very happy. so i may not feel the old flames of excitement, but what i do feel is happiness. being with him still brings butterflies to my stomach, i still eagerly wait to see him, and he makes me laugh. somehow, i've forgotten about these things.


at night, aside from the lovely bouquet of roses, he treated me to dinner at amiran's in bugis. had a nice dinner just basking in each other's company, while freezing our socks off in the ridiculously cold environment...


14/02/05: so how did i spend valentine's day? at home, what else. i gave school a miss as my lazy butt refused to leave the cosiness of my bed, and also to study for my stats test. that turned out to be a farce as lethargy won out. i studied for a little while only. but i did have a fantastic japanese meal with geraldine (other sista) and my mum at Raku, a quiant, lovely restaurant in Holland V. the ambience is deliciously warm; soft yellow lighting, only a few tables and dark, oak furniture. it's an open kitchen concept, but the ventilation is so good that we when came out there was no trace of the food we had consumed. the food is exquisite: warm soba bathed in a lovely broth, tempura fried so well that it's non-oily and the flour easily separates from the filling; a mark of good chefmanship. the soft shell crab was crispy and generous in meat, although the accompanying sauce was too sour for my taste; give me good old mayonnaise any time! and there was the claypot unagi with egg. Splendidly done, the egg so soft and silky while the unagi had a decided bite to it. The only damper to the whole experience was the volatile chef. the equipment he was using was faulty, and in a fit of rage, he began throwing things around in disgust. at least when he caught me looking at him, he had the sense to look apologetic. no sense in having an open kitchen if the customer has to endure fits of temper.


good week, good week. how am i gonna start school? oh yeah, through sheer will and force.. i have a test tomorrow. god bless me.



Friday, February 11, 2005

Chinese New Year is... fun

Chinese New Year is...FUN...

On the eve of Chinese New Year, i persuaded Fadz to bring me to Chinatown. Lol, i dunno if he or the ang mos were more conspicuous. Anyway, the crowds were CRAZY! At some points, we couldn't even move. Fadz grew increasingly agitated, and me, being nutso and all, was actually enjoying being crushed to death by sweaty, disgusting people. Haha...
So he refused to talk to me and keeping his head down, plowed through the people, attempting to reach the end. And when we emerged on the other side of the road, he stoutly refused to jump back into the crowds. i wonder why... :)
But i found it fun. I bought mochi mochi, ate ice popsicles, and saw the crazy austrian guy selling german sausages. And he was wearing chinese pigtails. hehehe...
i've only been to one house so far: my grandma's. as you can see, we're rather anti-social. and since my mum can't stand my grandma, we only stayed one hour. lol, some chinese new year eh? we've been playing mah jong for the rest of the time, so i can't really complain. A choice between being stuck in a house with people i see once a year, or playing mah jong. I think i'll take the latter.
Bugger it, i forgot to bring my camera to chinatown. so no photos people! will, update soon enough...
Gong Xi Gong Xi! Was at muthu's curry yesterday for dinner, and we had lo hei (yu sheng!). since it was an indian restuarant, the waiters weren't about the do the preperation for you. So i rolled up my sleeves and attempted to do it, chinese idioms and all. hahahah... if you know my grasp of the chinese language, you'll know that i wasn't very successful... hahhaha

Monday, February 07, 2005

I'm sulking

I'm sulking

I'm in a positively bratty and sulky mood. Don't ask me why; i'm not too sure what the trigger was even. All i do know is that, it's incredibly comforting to sulk sometimes and unleash the annoyance within me.



Stuck in Comms class now. Was really weirded out this morning; Teko Teoh (my comms prof) came up to me and asked me if i spoke malay. After overcoming the shock, he basically "wrestled" me into agreeing to sign up for his basic malay course next sem. he even told me to find a good partner cos we'd be conversing a lot in malay. yeah, whatever.



i'm having my FA test later. i think i'm absolutely allergic to FA. Every Sunday, whenever i'm stuck doing FA homework or studying for it, i would fall ill. very, very ill. Ill enough to require constant rest, constant eating and constant medication. Yeeuuggghss. My nose is raw from all the rubbing. Sigh. I am so gonna fail this test. I'm resigned to my fate.



Still feeling irritable. I want to go to Chinatown to soak up the atmosphere and get squashed. I want to be pressed against sweaty beasts (ie other shoppers) and feel disgusted. I have the weirdest wants, eh? I want to buy mochi mochi and eat ice popsicles and look at the er hu performer. hmmm, maybe i should whine the boyfriend into agreeing to go with me. then i would have a reason to pon Stats tomorrow. can't wake up to go back to sleep in class. hiak hiak.

Tuesday, February 01, 2005

The Sun is Slowly Emerging

The Sun Is Slowly Emerging

Lol, i think i worried a few people with the last entry. I'm fine now, really! But i suppose it was bound to happen, this sudden outburst of helplessness. Seeing how i took on so much responsibility at one time, the stress just kept building up. I cried for a while, but instead of feeling helpless and full of self-pity, i felt relief. The tears felt more like a release and was strangely comforting. I wasn't crying in despair; i was simply crying to remove certain craziness that i was feeling. And then i moved on. Sure, i still have lots to do and lots undone, but Shawn is right, i just need to prioritize. And i'm doing that now. Slowly working my way back to sanity.


Yesterday, i stayed in school till 8pm to collect a T-shirt that i bought during Patron's Day. I absolutely adore it! Certainly well worth the effort... Speaking of which, Aldric accompanied me till that time. He really is very, very nice and gentlemanly; never noticed till recently. He listens attentively even when i'm talking rot, opens doors without asking, went for dinner with me and bought me my drink while i waited for my food without me having to ask, agreed to accompany me till 8pm even though i only asked him in jest, and even volunteered to buy sweets when i started to cough after dinner. Very nice guy. guess chivalry isn't dead after all! lol, aiyah, yes Shawn, you are very nice too...


Take a look at my shirt! Yes, very vain, but i can't help it. It's ME....



Me wearing the shirt....



Me out of the shirt...


Close up shot!