A Tale Of Two Differences

Attraction can sure be a funny thing. There's really little basis for it - all that talk about commonalities and whatnot.. I'm more inclined to believe the whole "opposites attract" theory.

Just look at ZW and I.

I email him fruity articles about love and attraction. He emails me stuff from the Economist about property markets.

When we browse at magazines stands, he heads for the current affairs and photography section. I'm permanently parked in the entertainment and fashion portion.

As he describes his passion for the Discovery channel, I'm nodding and flicking over to E! Entertainment.

I have this mental image of us sitting on a couch in some distant future, and he's reading the Financial Times (which he says he loves) and I'm flipping People magazine.

I think the reason why this somehow still manages to work is that we don't try to change who the other person is. Sure, there are differences that annoy and grate on one another. Things that can end in shouting matches or angry words being exchange. (I swear he's the only person who can sound annoyed saying "Baby!")

But at the end of the day, we are who we are (shit, did I just quote Ke$ha? Or as Principal Figgins from Glee would call her, "Ke-dollar sign-ha")

Some people go into relationships thinking you can mold the other person into this ideal personality, or that something you dislike can be changed over time.

If I've learnt anything, it's that people don't change that much. Just that love can make you want to compromise on certain points, slow that sharp tongue and think before yelling.

And another thing I love about ZW - he said he doesn't believe in compromise, 'cos that means giving up something about yourself. Rather, a relationship is about understanding and seeing the other person's point of view, instead of just caving in for the sake of harmony.

<3<3<3

I'm Stuck In A Rut

At work, in life... just stuck.

It's like being in limbo - there's no sense of movement, just a floating sensation that time is passing me by, but nothing concrete is happening.

It gets worse.. I'm not even sure what's a viable alternative. Seriously, I think I'm in a sucky position, but what's a better option?

Sometimes I wonder how I got here. I had a defined path, I was actively pursuing it.. and then the winds blew me here. And I've been here for 3 years, and still not sure what I'm doing.

And that's really the story of my life. I see the pattern repeated over and over again. Just when I put my mind down and decide on a course of action, after I've made peace with it... the winds of fate blow me completely off course.

So am I waiting for the next gust of wind? Have the heavens grown bored of me? Am I finally left to my own devices?

Yes, I'm in a rather dramatic mood at this hour.

In other, completely unrelated news... I met a mutual friend of F and mine today. We starting chit chatting and I know he meant no harm..

He mentioned that F told him bits and pieces of how things ended, and he said I cheated on him.

Cheated. Such an ugly word.

But I guess it was simply calling a spade a spade.

I don't regret my decision, I really don't.

Perhaps the only thing I do possibly regret is that I started something when I was still in a relationship.

But hey, the best advice I received, strangely enough, came from F.

He said the heart is seldom wrong.

The Pursuit of Patience

The more I stay in this job, the shorter my patience is. Seriously.

When deadlines are counted not in weeks, not days, but in HOURS... every second becomes important.

Every decision starts taking on consequences - do I eat lunch to power through the day, but it's 1.30pm and 2pm requires a few lines... you get the point.

And because time is so tight, I have no patience for long chats.

The brutal nature of broadcast is that you spend very little time actually talking to your interviewee, trying to get to the bottom of things. Because ultimately, that 30 minute interview is going to turn up as a 20-second soundbite.

And so, sadly, I'm starting to apply that to my life. I find myself increasingly cutting people off mid-sentence.

Like my brain is on auto-mode, and if my brain assesses that your sentence is going nowhere, I jump in with questions. If you start rattling, I get impatient and try to divert the conversation to something more interesting. Skip the soliloquies please, and just get to the point.

ZW hates that. I can't entirely blame him. He thinks I'm not listening. He's wrong - I'm just selectively listening.

Shit, I have the attention span of a cockel spaniel.

Soulmate vs Lover

Can the two be the same person?

Just because someone gets you, doesn't mean that person is right for a relationship.

And the reverse is true. You can be crazy about someone, but doesn't mean the person gets you all the time.

The way I see it, a soulmate falls into step with you, gets you and fits into your life.

What I want from my lover, or companion, is someone who challenges me, provides a different perspective and is willing to push my buttons in a way that makes me want to be a better person.

If you're lucky enough to find one person who fits both criteria, good for you.

But alas, life is never that perfect.

And me thinks, I should stop watching Korean dramas.

I'm such an idiot

For the longest time, I figured no one reads my blog, cos I never receive any comments.

Turns out, I do receive comments, I just DON'T REALISE IT.

Apparently, blogger has been sending notifications of new comments posted to my old SMU email account.

Seeing how I haven't accessed that account since I started work...

Erm... sorry commentors. I'd try harder.

There's nothing like...

Waking up to your loved one in the morning.

When I'm still in that sleep-induced state, brain not fully operational... and I turn over and see him. With his defences down, foreheard smooth and not furrowed in deep thought. Innocent.

Sometimes I wake up in his arms, other times I have to turn over and worm my way back into that warm cacoon. And he's always obliging, always ready to wrap his arms around me.

And it feels like the safest place in the world.

Teouble is, we usually end up running late when we bunk together. HAHA.

Random Updates

I'm bored in the office. Will blog about random things.

As some of you may know, I was at the Padang yesterday reporting about the parade.

Thing is, I was so bored that I started snapping random pictures and uploading them on Facebook.

But since the whole world was probably equally bored and restless and plugged into their 3G phones, this meant the airwaves (internet waves? I dunno) were jammed.

Which made uploading photos a bitch. and battery-draining.

So I spent the whole afternoon rushing in and out of the media centre to charge my phone in-between attempting to do work. And the bloody phone still died in the end when I needed it the most - to call for a cab home. Sigh.

Fast forward to today. The boyfriend stayed over and graciously escorted me to work this morning.

Except that he dropped his phone in the cab. Some kind soul then called me cos I was the latest person on his phone log. So there I was, waiting for the cab to make a u-turn to where I was (high court, no less).

And I was wondering if the boy would be smart enough to call me. Cos just last week, we got into a ridiculous argument when he couldn't remember my handphone number. He kept saying he has his phone with him at all times and doesn't need to memorise numbers. I asked huffily what happens if he loses his phone.

Ah life is funny that way.

Anyway I knew he was walking about City Hall and figured I might as well check out the nearest shopping centre to see if I could bump into him.

Looked around, couldn't find him, then sat down for breakfast with another colleague who was also at court.

Lo and behold, ZW was in the same cafe, just blocked by a wall. HAHAHA! COINCIDENCE OR WHAT!

Then my stupid colleague had to leave his notebook behind. What is it with men and leaving things behind for me to pick up!!!!!

Ok, end of random update. Will go back to my regular schedule of thumb twiddling... which is a good thing. Cos I'm so bloody sleepy and tired.

BRAIN.NOT.FIRING.ON.ALL.LEVELS.

Wow, have neglected the blog for a whole month.

Always plan to update but somehow... after the life-force is sucked out of me at work, I barely have energy to wash off my makeup.

Anyway, thought I'd drop an entry about the hazards of being my boyfriend.

Had to do a story about weather (don't ask) and was in NUS to interview a climate change expert.

Since my boss asked for man in the street response about how Singaporeans are keeping cool in the weather, I put two-and-two and made an SOS call to Fadz.

And that's how he got coerced to appear on tv. Teeheehee...

What? Nepotism? Eh no. He's also a man, on the street, with an opinion what.

Ok, shall try to post something about my New York trip soon!!

I Turn 2 In 2 Weeks' Time!

In terms of journalistic experience anyway.

And quite honestly, it has felt more like an eternity.

Does anyone really know what they want to do in life?

On a whim, I tried out reporting.

Lo and behold, it's 2 years and I think I've aged 20 years.

I think my posts have become very depressing.

Perhaps it's just a reflection of how I truly feel these days.

The long hours, the office politicking, the drudgery...

And just when I thought I was done, the company throws me another life line, sucking me back in.

I hope I don't regret my decision.

Feels like I should post a picture or something to break the monotony of the words... haha.. but so lazy... so tired...

Ok, maybe just a few.

I haven't really spoken much about my Laos trip.

Fadz claims he didn't think it was anything great. And granted, it's not a touristy place that has many memorable sights.

Rather, it's the breathtaking landscape, irascible and humorous people who have a long brutal history to share, laidback lifestyle that I miss the most.

Stepping out of my room takes me straight to this crystal clear lake.

Exploring a half submerged cave that's in complete darkness. I'm just glad that I don't suffer from claustrophobia.

And probably above all, hanging out with my best friend.

It's always fun to travel with the significant other. Now I just need to convince him that Syria is our next stop.

Hanging Out with Famous(?) People

Seriously, I think Singapore is too small and lacking in real celebrities. Whenever I mention that I work in MediaCorp, people's eyes light up and the line of question usually runs along the lines of, "do you see famous people all the time?"

Huh. I guess in Singapore, Fann Wong and Tay Ping Hui qualify as famous. But my definition of celebrity is someone who is recognised by more than 4 million people. Someone like David Beckham. Or Brad Pitt. You get my drift.

Anyway, the point I'm trying to make is, anyone who appears on local tv gets instant fame and locals REALLY do get excited by celeb-spotting.

I was hitching a ride back to the office with Ramesh, who is this really seasoned reporter, been in the business for 26 years or something.

So we were trying to flag a cab outside Shangri-La hotel, and this yellow CityCab stops for us.

We get in, Ramesh sits in front and says, "Uncle, MediaCorp".

The taxi driver immediately looks at him and says "I know you. I know where you work. See you on tv all the time".

Ok, never mind about that. Some recognition is bound to happen.

But as we cruise along, the cab driver pips up and says "You stay in Bishan right? Near me. See you all the time."

Eh, creeps-ville?

And the dude was visibly excited to have someone "famous" in his cab, and kept talking and talking.

It was quite amusing.

I wonder what it'd be like to share a cab with Fann Wong. Would the cab driver like just, hyperventilate?

Boohoohoo...

My laptop dio major virus/worm/trojan. I don't even know what it is. It's so lethal, it diasbled my control panel, access to C and d drive, infected my clock and every document says "virus alert!"

I'm so fucking screwed. Why, why, why, did I attempt to download some stupid programme? Even when it didn't have a listed publisher, making it twice as dodgy, I still downloaded the fucking programme.

Urgh! Now every 10 seconds an annoying and false message pops up telling me I have a virus and I should go buy their programme blah blah blah.

And when I thought I "found" an online freeware to help remove the first spyware, it turned out to be another malware.

I'm so so so so so so stupid.

So how? I'm sending my laptop to a computer shop tomorrow. See if they can remove the virus. If cannot, then have to reformat.

Whatever, so it shall be.

DAMN UNLUCKY.

Home and Rootedness

I was on the train yesterday with Fadz when I was hit by a wave a nostalgia for my time in Paris.

It's really strange, and I don't think it's because I miss being on holiday (erm, I'm not screaming to be back in KL), but rather, I miss the idea of witnessing history and pretending for a moment that I'm part of it.

It's a feeling that's tough to describe... You know how the Singapore government keeps talking about how we need to be more rooted in Singapore, be more connected to Singapore, yada yada?

Well, it just dawned on my that it's a bit difficult to feel a sense of home and rootedness to a place that just doesn't stay the same.

The government talks about home and family, but really, what makes a home? Is it just the people? Or does the environment play a part too?

They say that overseas Singaporeans need to come home because THIS is where home in, where your family is.... So if they equate home with family, wouldn't transplanting your family to whereever you are be equivalent to having a home? What exactly makes you feel for a country, to want to belong to a country, if people are the only link that's keeping you there?

It just feels Singapore is never standing still, that history is constantly being wiped out and pushed out of living memory by the insane need to constantly rebuild and push ahead.

But all the clean air and shiny buildings don't make a country. People need visuals to capture their imagination! Words and ideas just don't feel the same.

History comes in the form of buildings, architecture and monuments that have stood the test of time, artifacts that our ancestors have fought for... that to me, is the idea of rootedness.

The idea that no matter how far I go, how long I've been away, I can always go back and that slice of history will still be there. Something concrete that I can show my children and grandchildren.

It's like, the Chinese have the Tiananmen Square, the French have their historic buildings, the Romans have their ruins. What does Singapore have? A plague to signify that something important happened? A byline in history books that something important took place? Ideas don't inspire people. Concepts don't build nationalism and patriotism. Efficiency doesn't fire up the imagination.

That's why I miss Paris. It's like it's perfectly fine to stop, sit and stare at a building, contemplate about how that building has affected history and made a city the way it is today.

In Singapore, what you're most likely to get is people staring aimlessly at other people. But people come and go in today's world. People are transient. They survive but one generation. Great leaders inspire a group of people. But it's THINGS, BUILDINGS, that stand the test of time.

I just sometimes despair at how obtuse the officials can sometimes get. Sure, I'm all for capitalism and new shiny things. But when does it all stop? If things of my childhood are relegated to mere memories, that I have nothing to show my children but anecdotes, when my memory starts to fade, would my children know the Singapore I know? Would my children care about the Singapore they may choose to be part of or not?

Ok, just a rant. A slight sadness. I respect Singapore for it has taken good care of me, but that doesn't mean I'm passionate or love it or willing to die for it. Because it's a caricature of the character it is attempting to be. Trying to be more than just a soul-less, efficient city that is a holding place for transient beings.

Masquerading as a nation that holds an appeal for its people, rather than acknowledging that people are fleeing to places that capture their imagination, or acting as a gilded cage for those who can't move.

A Harrowing Life of Taxis

One of the greatest perks of my job is that I can take taxis to all my assignments. I've become so accustomed to the lifestyle that I'm unable to take public transport EVEN when it's not paid for.

Anywayz, it isn't all sunshine and roses while taking cabs, ok?

I have to put up with drivers who talk at the top of their voices, drivers who drive as if they are on the F1 race track (this I secretly like), drivers who play techno music at full volume, and of course, mutha-fucking drivers who go in circles and cheat my money.

Of all the cabs that I've taken (and that's plenty, mind you), I have to say that Silvercab drivers are the worst offenders.

They take you round and round in circles, purposely drive slowly, and go a much longer way than needed. Bloody bastards.

Just the other day, I received a life lesson from my senior reporter, S.

I was going to Suntec after work and gave him a lift. When we hopped into a Silvercab, he asked which way he should take. We told him to take the fastest route.

Well, I dunno which driving school he went to but MAKING A BIG ROUND DOES NOT CONSTITUTE THE FASTEST ROUTE.

The asshole made a huuuuggeeee ass loop, and my heart leaped every time the metre jumped 20 cents.

That's when S casually asked the driver if he knew where the hell he was going, and if the route he was taking was truly the shortest and fastest way.

After a pregnant pause, the driver started muttering a whole bunch of rubbish like "you told me to choose which route..." blah blah blah.

S silenced him and quietly took him to task, all the while smiling and never raising his voice.

Amazing. I need to learn his finesse. Anyhoo, we arrived at Suntec, the driver told me to pay whatever I wanted. The fare was $13, and when I offered $11, he took $10 and used his fucking ELBOW to shrug away my $1.

Bastard! I give you money and you shoo me away like some insect!

Anywayz, I try to put S' actions into practice but I must say I lack the guts and finesse. Most of the time I end up slightly yelling at the taxi driver, or quietly shaking my head and making disapproving noises when I'm too chicken to voice disapproval.

Hmmm, style needs work.

All I'm saying is, watch out for those Silvercabs, and the Premier version as well.

Cheats. Or just bloody fools who dunno how to drive. So either way. Keep clear.

Blogstalkers Bite Back

Well, well, well, it appears that somebody from my office got to know of my blog and has been stalking me. I have no idea who it is, but it appears this same person read my entry about the romance blossoming in my office and went to tell the ex-girlfriend.

I apologise if said ex-girlfriend is hurt; I had seriously no idea that YOU had no idea. Guess it reeks to learn about such developments through a blog. It was an off-the-cuff comment, and I made it because I felt that my relationship with Fadz was on the rocks last year because we weren't spending time together. So I brought up the proximity theory, and hence, the relationship in my office. Again, apologies.

I did toy with the idea of making my blog private but you know what? Screw it. I have nothing to hide. And since I've made the decision to go public, I guess I'd just have to deal with blogstalkers and the anonymous entities who float in and out.

But that doesn't mean I don't want to find out who that person in my office is. Don't worry, I don't bite. Much.

Random Update

Haha, seriously, nothing is going on in my life to update about.

It's work, work, work. The occasional meet ups with friends, planning to meet up with people that never comes to fruition, some shopping, a lot of sleeping... haha, you get the dull picture.

Had a pretty good Sunday. Slept in, went for a facial at Pan Pacific, then high tea at Oriental Hotel, all courtesy of my sister. Heh, being the youngest rocks!

Will most likely be going up to KL for a short holiday to celebrate my birthday. Yup, going with the Fadz.

Woohooo! Shopping and eating, here I come!

And on a totally random note, I really, really think that the proximity theory is spot on. Witnessed the blossoming of an office romance. This reporter was attached to an ex-reporter, but she left to do her Masters overseas.

Guess the distance was too much to put up with. Long story short, another of my colleagues came into the picture. The two of them started hanging out, one thing led to another.

Before I knew it, the guy broke up with his girlfriend and asked my colleague to be his ready steady.

To be fair, the ex sounded like a bit of a bee-yotch, but it must really suck to be dumped while overseas. To not even be in Singapore to hear it firsthand, or to do anything to salvage the situation.

Not even a chance to say goodbye in person.

So ladies and laddies, all that crap about distance making the heart grow fonder? Bunch of baloney.

We humans are sluts for contact. No amount of Skype, MSN, phone conversations can make up for the presence of a warm, breathing person by your side. Nothing can make up for meals, outings, face-to-face conversations.

Oh yeah, on another random note, it's good to know that all my closest SMU friends have found jobs! Congrats Shawnie, hope you have a great time! And welcome to the mindless zone of drone-dom!

And for those people who say that I'm hard to pin down due to moving off days, simply ask one week in advance and you will find an answer. Simple, right?

My posts lately are all about work ah???

So boring, I know, but what to do, that really is what my life is about now.

Some days, I return home so tired all I can do is wash off my makeup (no way am I gonna compromise on my skin!!) and fall into bed.

And on my off days, I'm stuck between trying to put in some time with friends/boyfriend and just zoning out at home.

Ah, the tough choices.

Blogging at work now cos I'm so bored. I'm waiting for phone calls that may never come, so basically, I'm twiddling my thumbs.

Sigh, I wish I was outside doing something fun instead of staring at a poster of Rocky Balboa, trying to look as if I'm doing work.

Now THAT is tough.

Poking Fun (Inappropriately) at a Terror Situation

Haha, this just turned up in my mailbox today.

If I wasn't so disgruntled over having patrolled Dunearn Road on Wednesday morning trying to put a story together, it might have wrung a few more chuckles from me. My bruised and battered feet are still screaming for justice (which I put right yesterday with a very soothing pedicure. Hoo ha!)

Anyway, this might be useful if you encounter some very suspicious activity near you...

Courtesy of TalkingCock.com

Trust this website to make light of a serious situation. Go check out the SCGS version. Hilarious lah!

This Can't Be Lingerie

A guy came up with this sorry excuse for a piece of underwear.




No wonder it looks almost pornographic.

Please do not give me some rubbish that it feels like "nothing" and that it is guaranteed to hold up.

Yeah, it feels like nothing because it is nothing.

If you inserted the back part into your arsehole, it could probably act as a titillating sex toy.

So if any of you people want to give this a try, go check it out at

https://www.cstringdirect.com/product.php

It's affectionately named CString. What does the "c" stand for - cunt?