Draw Out Your Swords To Draw Some Blood

I can't believe that bidding for classes has brought out so much bad blood. Reading the blogs of various individuals, all there seems to be is hurt, betrayal and much, much anger. But I suppose you need to be in the situation to know how these people feel.

I guess it all began with an email sent out to a selected few. This guy wanted to form alliances with people he knew he could count on. Without really knowing what his true intentions are, one can only speculate the meaning behind his email. Is he trying to surround himself with people he knows he can work well with? Is he quickly forming the "perfect" group for projects? Or is his claim of merely wanting to have a group of people to study with, true? If so, why leave out so many names whom you've worked with before?

I dunno. When I first saw the email, I was like, oh ok, bidding soon. I even emailed everyone back telling them the courses I wanted to take. I really didn't know what the implications were then. Does that make me an accomplice by tacit agreement because I didn't ask about his intentions, and even replied? Because in the end, I didn't bid for a single class with him. I never really had that intention, anyway. Way back in the last semester, Kristin, Sylvia and I had agreed to bid for the same courses, and by silent agreement, we would be in the same group. Kristin and I are even doing the same major. By telling those people on that selected email what I had planned to take (which turned out different from what I did eventually bid for), I just wanted to see if anyone else was taking the same courses.

But you see, people on that list included more people into the mailing list and soon, the frenzy began. People were hurt that they weren't in the original list, they felt backstabbed that alliances were being formed during the holidays, and so on. Soon, there began a political debate of grades versus friendship. I mean, are Singaporeans really that kiasu?? Everything is about the bell curve, bell curve and more fucking bell curve. Hello, if you are so insecure, then don't bid for the same classes. Moreover, forming alliances is an old secret at SMU. After all, after doing projects together, you would know who you can click with and who you can't.

I'm with Sylvia and Kristin because they are my good friends and we bounce off each other well. That's all. It's not about the grades (of course we compare, but we're not about to attack each other, yeah), it's simply because it's just nice to have friends around. Want to call it an alliance? Up to you.

I don't know why I wrote this entry. Perhaps because I read the blogs of my friends and saw how affected they were and want to provide some reason for the choices I made? A couple of people came up to me and asked if I wanted to form groups. That was a commitment I couldn't make because I already had a group. Also, I didn't know what classes I was taking. Yes, I did initally have a plan. But eventually, that was all scrapped because Sylvia and Kristin and I officially agreed to bid together. That meant changes and things that I couldn't spend time on. I was so busy that I left all the planning to Sylvia and Kristin. In those early weeks, when people asked, all I could say was, I really dunno.

And perhaps I'm feeling some guilt. I should have scolded that original mailer. No one likes to be manipulated like that. I would understand that if he had sent out that email to 2 -3 people to form 1 group, ok, fine. But to send it to 10 people, what then? So that we can bid together as a class and form happy little groups, according to your fancy? Real life doesn't work that way, now does it?

I'm definitely seeing a lot of ugly sides. The ones who strategize for maximum personal benefit, the ones who only crave grades, and the ones who are left out. No one likes to feel left out,or not asked to be in a group. No one would like to think that, "Oh my God, if I didn't know this earlier, I could have started school without a group." All I can say is, thank God for Sylvia and Kristin and thank you girls for putting together an entirely different schedule.