Fear because I'm technically still on probation and this presentation may make or break me. I fear that I'm inadequate and I will fall flat on my face. I fear that I will be thrown out of this project, a project that I've come to care about and desperately want.
The anticipation is just the butterflies that flit around in my tummy before any presentation. I can't say that I'm terrified of presentations, in fact, I sometimes enjoy speaking to people and having their attention... But still... That gnawing feeling of inadequacy... Sigh... I even cut my hair for luck. Nothing like a bit of grooming to calm me down. Muahaha.. :)
I'm recovering from the most dreadful flu. I nearly freaked out my group mates when I met them yesterday night. 2 on them thought I was crying. Another jumped everything I sneezed. I refused to sneeze daintily because I was irritable and annoyed that I was in school at 8pm in the accountancy, aka ghost, block.
anyway, speaking of being in school at night, it was fun in some sense. I was waiting alone for my dad to pick me up, and there was no one around. not even the security guards. just the sound of nature all around me. i thought i would be spooked out, but it was nice just sitting there in the silence. to think that in a few months time, all this will be lost to me. the familiar zebra crossing between house 1 and the business block, the wooden benches with mysterious stains, the sheer amount of nature and darkness that seems to stretch on for miles. dear ol' bukit timah campus... good memories... good memories. and then suddenly, ginger the school cat leaped onto the table and settled down next to me. she's so adorable in all her rat-chasing ferociousness. although it's sad that I won't be seeing her in the new campus, at least i know she'd live out her days in relative comfort.
oh yeah, i'm rediscovering my love for chocolate. it is truly the best lover any girl can have. sweet, smooth, coating the tongue in chocolatey tenderness... sighh... i kept eating chocolate throughout my flu misery. how comforting. it doesn't ask questions. it makes me happy without me reciprocating. it can be sweet, slightly bitter, filled with nuts (haha, can you tell there's a lot of chocolate in my house?)... i could go on.
maybe i should eat chocolate now to calm the nerves. hehe..
oh yeah, did i mention that a couple of nights ago, i dreamt of james denton, the totally hot plumber from desperate housewives? wooowheee... very, very, very delicious and detailed dream. I'll leave it at that. hahaha...
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