Day 1

Ramadhan has started... Triggering a flood of emotions and thoughts.

It's strange to imagine that at the start of this year, i was toying with the idea of fasting.

Sort of to ease myself into the Muslim way of life.

At that point, I could almost see my life panning out in a certain way, and i wanted to acclimatise so that when the transition happened, it would not be a total shock.

Guess things don't always happen the way you expect them to.

This time last year, I was making plans to ensure that I'd not be working during Hari Raya.

So that i could spend the whole day at F's house, hanging out with his relatives, even serving them as I would during Chinese New Year.

I would arrive in the morning, play with his baby cousins, feast on his mum's great cooking, talk to his uncles and aunts.

Sometimes i would fall asleep as the afternoon wore on, or tear after one of his naughty cousins in the corridor.

There's almost a twinge of sadness knowing that I won't be there this year.

I wonder if the whole family knows. I wonder if they will ask where I am. I wonder how F will answer the questions.

He's never been big on sharing his feelings, thoughts or what's happening in his life.

Sigh...

I may no longer be walking down that path, but these memories still linger.