... can yield some great memories, but can also severely test the bonds of the relationship.
Being in close quarters with someone all day, and a foreign country no less, can sometimes bring out the worst in people.
Traveling already has its own set of trials, what with catching trains and navigating. But when you put two people with fiery tempers together, things can and do get ugly.
Perhaps due to the rushed nature of this current trip that I'm taking with zw - we were literally working up till the last moment before boarding the plane - things have seemed a little harried and hurried.
I was feeling so exhausted that i slept in the first few days, which to zw, is a cardinal sin as "we didn't pay thousands of dollars to sleep". Fair enough, but he wasn't exactly jumping out of bed at the crack of dawn. The only jumping he does is to roll over to hit the snooze button.
And since i'm unable to speak japanese, i'm once again wholly dependent on him to translate and basically, talk to me or else i'd go stir mad. So if he's in a huff or moody and non-responsive, it can feel awfully lonely, surrounded by voices you can't understand.
Case in point - i got out of bed late today and unable to wait any longer, zw left the hotel first to run some errands. Which was fine as we're in a tiny city that i'm pretty much familiar with.
But as i was rushing to get ready, the cleaning lady turned up and wanted to tidy up the room. i tried explaining that i needed 10 more minutes to be on my way. But she couldn't understand a word of english and we stood in the corridor, gesticulating wildly at each other.
She eventually brought me to the reception and i spent another 10 minutes explaining to the staff who eventually got what i was trying to say.
By then, i was already late meeting zw and was feeling thoroughly harassed. And i just knew he would say something snarky as to my tardiness. True to form, he remarked sarcastically if i had lost my way. Let's just say we spent a very quiet lunch, both left to stew in our own self righteous juices.
I think the one thing i have come to understand is that people don't really change, or it takes a really long time and not everyone has the patience to wait for the change to happen.
The ex promised me that he would be more expressive and let me know what he's thinking instead of expecting me to "just know" - a constant bone of contention. During our 7 years together, we would argue, he would try, we'd be happy for a while and then things would return to status quo.
What i finally understand is that he had 17 years to cultivate such a personality and habit. And 7 years ain't enough to break him of it. Certainly, towards the end, i could see some change. But my patience had run out, we had other issues, and that was that.
In zw's case, he's had over 20 years to cultivate an explosive temper. i know he's been working at it, even before i appeared on the scene. He too has said on many occasions that he's trying to be a better man.
Similarly, i've had 20 years of practice in acting defiantly and cultivating a lashing tongue - the ability to retort even before i've thought things through. Sometimes i succeed in biting my tongue and taking a deep breath. I'm not always successive.
I do believe people can change, just that it takes a really, really long time and the right incentive. Question is - can we be bothered to wait?
Being in close quarters with someone all day, and a foreign country no less, can sometimes bring out the worst in people.
Traveling already has its own set of trials, what with catching trains and navigating. But when you put two people with fiery tempers together, things can and do get ugly.
Perhaps due to the rushed nature of this current trip that I'm taking with zw - we were literally working up till the last moment before boarding the plane - things have seemed a little harried and hurried.
I was feeling so exhausted that i slept in the first few days, which to zw, is a cardinal sin as "we didn't pay thousands of dollars to sleep". Fair enough, but he wasn't exactly jumping out of bed at the crack of dawn. The only jumping he does is to roll over to hit the snooze button.
And since i'm unable to speak japanese, i'm once again wholly dependent on him to translate and basically, talk to me or else i'd go stir mad. So if he's in a huff or moody and non-responsive, it can feel awfully lonely, surrounded by voices you can't understand.
Case in point - i got out of bed late today and unable to wait any longer, zw left the hotel first to run some errands. Which was fine as we're in a tiny city that i'm pretty much familiar with.
But as i was rushing to get ready, the cleaning lady turned up and wanted to tidy up the room. i tried explaining that i needed 10 more minutes to be on my way. But she couldn't understand a word of english and we stood in the corridor, gesticulating wildly at each other.
She eventually brought me to the reception and i spent another 10 minutes explaining to the staff who eventually got what i was trying to say.
By then, i was already late meeting zw and was feeling thoroughly harassed. And i just knew he would say something snarky as to my tardiness. True to form, he remarked sarcastically if i had lost my way. Let's just say we spent a very quiet lunch, both left to stew in our own self righteous juices.
I think the one thing i have come to understand is that people don't really change, or it takes a really long time and not everyone has the patience to wait for the change to happen.
The ex promised me that he would be more expressive and let me know what he's thinking instead of expecting me to "just know" - a constant bone of contention. During our 7 years together, we would argue, he would try, we'd be happy for a while and then things would return to status quo.
What i finally understand is that he had 17 years to cultivate such a personality and habit. And 7 years ain't enough to break him of it. Certainly, towards the end, i could see some change. But my patience had run out, we had other issues, and that was that.
In zw's case, he's had over 20 years to cultivate an explosive temper. i know he's been working at it, even before i appeared on the scene. He too has said on many occasions that he's trying to be a better man.
Similarly, i've had 20 years of practice in acting defiantly and cultivating a lashing tongue - the ability to retort even before i've thought things through. Sometimes i succeed in biting my tongue and taking a deep breath. I'm not always successive.
I do believe people can change, just that it takes a really, really long time and the right incentive. Question is - can we be bothered to wait?
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