Where To Now?
They weren't kidding when they said that NS is the mother of all relationship-destroyers. Things lately have gotten rather... off.
Our paths once crossed during our JC days. Being in such close proximity and undergoing the same experiences drew us closer. but now, our paths have diverged and i don't think our paths will cross soon enough again to stop this discontented feeling.
fadz doesn't understand what i'm going through. more accurately, he doesn't bother to know. because he's not experiencing the same situation, he shows little to no interest in my life. he hears, but he doesn't listen.
i'm not much better. to me, NS is and will always be some amusing notion of boys playing with guns, shooting at non-moving targets and priding themselves as being "combat ready" when all they really know is how to run up a hill in formation and go "bang bang".
but the thing is, school is my life, and NS is his. no matter how foreign the notion is, it is very real for the person undergoing it. and i can't relate, i just can't. i'm sick of being the understanding girlfriend, i'm sick of not having his presence around. i'm sick that he can go out in the middle of the night while i'm mugging away over things that i don't understand.
and the temptation. man, has li wern tried to warn me about it. correction, she kept telling me that i shouldn't tie myself down to a NS boy when i was surrounded by men. "why don't you go date some guys?" "then you can make a comparison." "maybe you'd find someone better."
someone has caught my eye. but that's just it. he possesses qualities that fadz doesn't have, and qualities that i once thought were critical in the man i love. but at the end of the day, i just want fadz. i just want to recapture that feeling of exhilaration, the feeling that we connected and he understood me. the feeling that we only needed each other and i didn't have to look elsewhere to feel understood.
Our paths once crossed during our JC days. Being in such close proximity and undergoing the same experiences drew us closer. but now, our paths have diverged and i don't think our paths will cross soon enough again to stop this discontented feeling.
fadz doesn't understand what i'm going through. more accurately, he doesn't bother to know. because he's not experiencing the same situation, he shows little to no interest in my life. he hears, but he doesn't listen.
i'm not much better. to me, NS is and will always be some amusing notion of boys playing with guns, shooting at non-moving targets and priding themselves as being "combat ready" when all they really know is how to run up a hill in formation and go "bang bang".
but the thing is, school is my life, and NS is his. no matter how foreign the notion is, it is very real for the person undergoing it. and i can't relate, i just can't. i'm sick of being the understanding girlfriend, i'm sick of not having his presence around. i'm sick that he can go out in the middle of the night while i'm mugging away over things that i don't understand.
and the temptation. man, has li wern tried to warn me about it. correction, she kept telling me that i shouldn't tie myself down to a NS boy when i was surrounded by men. "why don't you go date some guys?" "then you can make a comparison." "maybe you'd find someone better."
someone has caught my eye. but that's just it. he possesses qualities that fadz doesn't have, and qualities that i once thought were critical in the man i love. but at the end of the day, i just want fadz. i just want to recapture that feeling of exhilaration, the feeling that we connected and he understood me. the feeling that we only needed each other and i didn't have to look elsewhere to feel understood.
i want to go back to our jc days.
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