A Journey Of Faith

Many people often look upon my relationship with Fadz with wonder. Not only are we of different races, but also different religion. As you know, religion can often be the missing link or wedge that brings people together, or keeps them apart. Just look at Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman (it separated them!) or Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes (she's taking up Scientology for him!).

People are always inclined to ask when they learn that I'm dating a Muslim, "You have to convert to Islam right? So are you going to convert?" I used to brush this question off with "I'm still so young" or "Why are you taking about marriage? Hahaha.." But now, I know. Actually, I've known for some time. I am going to convert. There's no question, no ifs, no buts. I simply cannot imagine not being with Fadz for the rest of my life, and if this can bring us closer together, then hey, I'm all for it.

I'm not saying that it's going to be easy. Oh no, I see the perilous future that I'm walking into; I know that I'm going to encounter much difficulty - my family, his family, society and simply the integration into a new religion and the culture. But I don't see this as a sacrifice. Who knows? Maybe if I learn to accept his God, I'd be a better person. In any case, we both know that I'm not going to be some traditional Muslim wife, all covered up and quiet and subsevient and conversative. Heck no. I'm gonna be a real modern lady who lives off her husband and goes shopping everyday. LOL.

So how did this self-reflection come about? Well, last weekend we decided to do something cultural. Having seen the publicity posters for the exhibition at the Asian Civilization Museum, I've been subtly dropping hints that it would be eye opening to go view those treasures from the Vatican. My dear sweetie then remembered those ahem, hints and hence, we ended up at the Museum, ready to embark on our Journey of Faith on a sunny Saturday afternoon.

That's another reason why I adore Fadz. He's not some deeply secular and religiously pious follower who believes that the world should only have 1 religion; he's always opened to learning and viewing other religions. LOL, when I asked if he had any concerns about viewing another religion which has tried to exterminate his on many occasions, his reply was, "Well, so have we."

Anyway, the exhibition was good. Not only did it explore Christianity, but also the other religions of Southeast Asia. What is Sikhism? What are the 10 Courts of Hell like? When is it ok for polygamy in Islam? (Cue: Punched Fadz here)

But at the end of it all, I realized that it was near impossible for me to accept that a God, any God, exists. I believe in the goodness of humanity, I believe that in times of need I turn to the people around me for guidance and advice. I believe in the society I'm in and the moral implications that I live by. I can't foresee myself praying and asking for guidance from this figurehead, this supposedly omnipotent and all-knowning Being who can deliver salvation. I can't. If so, why did God make us this way? Why are we allowed to have wars, pestilence and famine? Why are civilizations wiped out in a single day? Perhaps someday I will come to terms with this God issue, but until then, I'm just glad that Fadz isn't persistently pushing me to accept his God. I'm just not ready. The Malay culture, the morality and issues surrounding Islam, the lessons and rules that guide a Muslim, yes, those I can understand. But to offer prayer, tell your problems, seek advice and strength from Allah? I need more time.

After that exhibition (I was seriously spooked by this gigantic, 20 feet-tall painting of an Angel), we emerged into the bright and blistering hot sun to see this group of students with lots of chalk. Turned out to be part of the Singapore Arts Festival where passerbys are invited to draw grafitti on the walkways of Clark Quay. So in case you ever walk to that area and happen to sit down on a bench near Sir Stamford Raffles, who know, maybe you'd find pictures of a pink and white name "Joanne" and the Singapore Flag with the words"SAF - Serve and F*ck Off" next to it.

Haha, ahhh, so much art and culture. How can I bear it?