Hello from KL (I'm in KL for a school trip, by the way)! I'm typing this in a dingy internet cafe across my hotel. The entrance to the cafe is all blackened and you can't see in. If I wasn't so desperate to send off some homework due at 12 midnight today, I wouldn't have gambled like this.

So how was the movie thingy with Fadz? Awkward at best. I just didn't know what kind of mood I should be in, how I should behave, whether the things I did or say would be misinterpreted as girlfriend-y. Erm, so I think I was pretty sour or stoned most of the time. Crapz.

I mean, we were shopping for some shoes and watching a movie... things we used to do as a couple. I can't remember the last time I went out with a guy friend and did such things. It's usually my girly mates whom I do such activities with. Man, I totally have to start dating.

He tried to carry my laptop, as he usually does. I didn't know whether he was merely being gentlemanly, or acting out of habit, but I panicked and SNATCHED my laptop back from him. He looked stunned and then stopped. Talk about awkward.

And when we were buying food to eat in the movie theatre, he said "Can we have...." and I blanched a little. "We" sounds so strange now, like a foreign entity that is silently mocking me. I need to get used to being me, just lonesome little me.

In the movie theatre, I found myself naturally leaning towards him before I caught myself in the act and leaned all the way to the opposite side. And to make sure I didn't do something stupid like reach out to him (old habits die hard), I wrapped my arms around my leg. Thank god it was a documentary and not some sappy romance comedy.

I think I wanted to meet up with him to test my reaction, and see how he would react around me. On my side, I don't think I'm ready yet. Still not ready to, or able to, act just like a friend in front of him. All the tiny habits that I've developed over the years came back to haunt me and it felt so awkward having to watch myself constantly so that I don't do something weird. As for him, he seemed totally nonchalant, as if I was indeed merely a friend.

Time to keep away girl. Well, at least until 20 November. We bought tickets to see Linkin Park in concert!!!!! Hopefully by then, I'd either be having a meaningless fling/gotten over him/developed a thick shell so that I don't take things so personally. It's time to be all about me. =)