I was/am such a stupid, stupid fool. All that time, all those emotions and effort invested into something that was disintegrating. I just chose not to recognize it.

Stupid, blind, foolish fool. A hopeless romantic and a pathetic soul. That's who I am.

But the finality of the issue has finally hit me. Am I sad? Definitely. Grieving? Probably. I've received more answers but I'm not too sure if ignorance would not have served me better in my time of healing. In my pursuit of the truth, I received answers that cut me to the bone and shattered my already frail heart further. But at least he was honest. Or maybe, he was too devastated with his own problems and let his guard down, allowing me to probe for the answers that I desperately craved.

Torture, I'm torturing myself needlessly. But at least now I really, really understand. Am I happy about it? Definitely not. Am I pissed off? Most assuredly. But do I recognize the situation for what is it? Yes. I can finally say yes. No more denial, no more hope, no more wanting, no more interest.

I'm done.