Disclaimer: Before you read any further, I apologise for the whiny tone of this post. Even I want to punch myself. My tummy is making me ill and gaggish, hence outward showing of annoying self that I usually keep muffled. Hah. Ok, proceed with caution.

This crazy little thing called life. It's so bloody unpredictable and confusing that I wish I could just crawl under my blanket and shut it out.

So many decisions, so much to think about.

In the strangest twist of events, Mediacorp called back and offered me a job as a broadcast journalist. I nearly fell out of bed (yes, I was still in bed and I tend to be there until 11am so if you want to contact me and have the audacity to call before 11, beware my wrath). This is of course a huge, huge surprise seeing how I totally flubbed the test and pissed off my interviewer with my seeming lack of coherence and direction in life.

Once again, life throws me a curve ball.

After mulling over it for a bit, I talked to Fadz, to Li Wern, to my parents... I decided not take it up. Let's face it, I'm totally not a business person. In fact, I couldn't give a hoot about it. And the hours are bad, the working conditions are stressful... the way I see it, if I wanted to work like a dog, I would go into banking (not saying that I'd definitely get in lah, just hypothetically). And if I wanted to wake up at unholy hours, I might as well have accepted the SIA offer with its 6 months bonus. 4 hours of daily travelling time be damned (yes yes, SIA offered. I turned it down because of above said reason. I don't regret it).

So would I want to sell my soul to be a lowly paid newshound? More importantly, BUSINESS newshound? Nope.

Then another company called me up for an interview.. and I had an online test to complete for a graduate programme thingy for another company... all the options coming together to thoroughly confuse me.

The way I see it, HR is my chosen career path, at least for the foreseeable future. In order for something to throw me off course, it has to be pretty spectacular. Like a super high paying coffee lady. Or an actress. Singer. Food critic. Heiress. Entertainment journalist even. But business? Nah.

So I called back this morning, and tried my best to graciously decline the position because this HR person was really really nice. I told her that I wasn't keen on business. And then she asked me,

"Would you be interested in another desk then?"

I was trapped. Part of me wants to grab this chance and experience something different, at least for a short while, before throwing myself into a "real" career. You know, the thing you're stuck with the rest of your life? That's how I see HR. Stable. Straight and narrow. But journalism... that's a whole other ball game. It's something unexpected. Something that could be cool and thrilling. Like broadcasting the next big story. Updates on Pakistan. Announcing the next US president. Telling tales of the homeless.

And at the same time, something that I could really potentially suck at.

Let's not forget shitty hours. It's shift work and if you're stuck with the 3pm to 12am shift, tough. I didn't even ask about transport being covered. I'm so terribly unprepared and unsure and unknowledgeable about these things. Urgh. I should prepare a list and keep it by my table so that even when I'm half asleep and trying to think about my career, I would know what to ask.

How how how how how? She didn't outright offer me this new position as she had to check back with the big boss. I'd know on Monday.

3 things on my plate. All different.... Journalism, HR, Management trainee... SEEE!!!! I told you I had no clue about what I wanted to do!!! I'm so freaking random!!! THIS is what I get for being a flaky, indecisive, multi-personality Gemini!

My bed is starting to look like the best option again.