I broke up with Fadz.

Guess there's no need to be cryptic anymore; those who need to know, know.

So for the 2 people who still read my blog...

Everyone has been asking me why? And I'm still trying to find a definitive answer.

Because... "just because" doesn't quite cut it huh?

I don't even know if I was unhappy.. it just felt like I was trying to gloss so many things over - not talking about Fadz with my friends, acting like I was a single girl when he's not around, checkin out guys all the time, ignoring the fact that there was no more spark.

And sad as it sounds, I think it boils down to that. A lack of spark. Sure, I know what a lot of people might say. It's been 8 years, for god's sake! of course there's no spark! But in exchange you get comfort, familiarity.... blah blah blah.

I get it. I understand that intellectually. But emotionally, I refuse it. How can it be that a couple can go days on end not talking, and not feel like something is wrong, or worse, not feel a sense of longing?

How can I be in a relationship that made me give and give, but not feel like I'm getting much in return?

I didn't feel cherished anymore, or wanted, or desired. And since we weren't talking, weren't communicating, weren't meeting... what's the compensation?

And even when I was breaking up with Fadz, he didn't reach out, he didn't fight, he simply sat there and kept quiet. I don't think I can take inertia, or the lack of initiative anymore.

And so.. I'm done.

Is there another guy? Partly, but things are complicated there as well and quite frankly, I'd be smart not to hold my breath in that department.

So I think the best thing I can do for myself at the moment is to enjoy being single.

Who's with me? :)