Crossed Over To The Dark Side

For the longest time, I've always believed that optimism was my biggest strength. No matter how dire the situation, how much I may rant, I've always believed that I would remain untainted; still loving the world and finding peace eventually.

But after my experience here at RP, I doubt I can ever go back. I've crossed the line. I've crossed into the land of cynical reality; a land where only the harshest truths prevail, and naviety and optimism are crushed faster than the careless flicking away of an ant. I've crossed over to the dark side of adulthood.

The last challenge in the gaunlet has been thrown down. I've been looking forward to this day for, oh I don't know, FOREVER - my last day at RP. I began the day happy enough; doing the happy dance at home, smiling at my colleagues and feeling, well, HAPPY.

But alas, foolish is the soul for believing that evil rests on a day of happiness. My rude awakening, my slap in the face reality check, came in the form of my nice colleague, Hoong Chang. I knew something was amiss when he approached me cautiously and told me not to freak out. He had something to tell me and it was regarding last Friday's incident.

Apparently, my boss, LESLEY, smsed him this morning to tell him that she was not coming into the office today. Ignoring all other duties, she however, remembered that she was supposed to sign my timesheet today. She then told Hoong Chang that because she needed to see the HARD COPY of the LIST OF TASKS I HAD ACCOMPLISHED over this past week, she could not possibly endorsed my timesheet. That cowardly, two-faced, hypocritical snake got Hoong Chang to tell me that I had to go back next week to show her the list of accomplishments, before she would sign my timesheet.

At this point, I turned completely cold within. Something inside of me broke, and I fear it was something at the very core of me. I could no longer explain her behaviour as being exacting. I could no longer just brush this incident off as one of those "Whatever" situations and let it be. How could one person be so fucking unreasonable?

Hoong Chang had the power to sign my timesheet, Hoong Chang had the ability to see the list of accomplishments and verify that I had worked, and then endorse my timesheet. But no, that bloody bitch wants to make me so miserable, probably as miserable as herself, before she can feel vindicated. Maybe this ceaseless torturing, the endless nights of plotting and hatching schemes one after another to make me miserable, is the only highlight of her pathetic, snivelling life. I hate her. I truly do.

Rashidah (my other colleague) once told me that when she was working late with Lesley, Lesley's mother kept calling her and hounding her to come home. I immediately felt pity for her. Pity that such a grown woman (with no apparent husband/boyfriend/friends/life) was chained to her mother, destined to grow old taking care of her demanding, aging mother, and not have a chance to find a partner.

At that point, I truly felt sorry for Lesley. I had only previously read such stories in Her World, and never knew of anyone who faced the same situation. Besides, it's Her World; they're bound to sensationalise. But here was a real-life case. My damn conscience told me to live and let live; that her life was miserable enough.

But I'm sorry, I can no longer be that magnanimous. I asked Hoong Chang if detailing a list of accomplishments was a HR policy; he said no. I asked if it was a boss policy; he ducked his head in embarrassment and nodded. I cannot forgive her. I cannot forgive her actions simply because her life is miserable. There is no excuse for trying to make someone else's life as pathetic as hers. I cannot forgive, I cannot forget.

I'm gonna email her later with my list of accomplishments and ask her to endorse it. I'm gonna ask her to endorse it, and let Hoong Chang sign the timesheet. But I'm not very hopeful. I just know that she's gonna find another excuse to make me pay.

Make me pay for what? Pay for being happy. Pay for seeing the world with rose-tinted eyes, and for being sheltered from the cruelties of reality. Pay for not being in pain.

And she's done it. I am paying. I'm hurt, confused, and mostly, cynical. I didn't cry this time. All I could think of was, "what's the next step?" "how to get my money?" But I hope she understands karma.

What goes around, comes around. And when you mess with a Gemini, the return trip is twice as hard.