Pretty Words, my dear, Pretty Words

Sometimes, I find myself hearing someone speak, but not knowing what the hell the person is saying. It's almost like background noise. I know that person is speaking English, but somehow, my brain refuses to acknowledge and process the words.

And very so often, people speak for the sake of speaking. You speak to make a good impression, you speak to make sure that the other person registers your presence, you speak because you want to be heard. Be damned what you are saying, just make sure you say something.

I was at OCBC yesterday night, doing yet another presentation to the big boss of OCBC, Andy. Finally, FINALLY, he has given us the go ahead. No more shilly-shallying, no more refuses. The proverbial greenlight. We are good to go baby. Now we just have to convince the SMU side... haaaiizzz... More presentations. But that is grousing for another day.

But what I was faintly disgusted with was the amount of bootlicking that went around. I know, I know, this is the norm in the corporate world, and you have to impress the boss, but seriously, when it comes from your own team members, I can't help but feel a taint of disgust in my mouth. I know Shawn is going to say I'm naive again, but naivety be damned, let me maintain some integrity.

Salad was the worse at the bootlicking. He would rapturously repeat whatever Andy says, cut into conversations so that his voice is heard and repeat comments made by others - just louder. He would laugh at jokes that are not funny, ask questions meant to give the impression that he is an eager disciple, and basically, the all-round lapdog. And to think I used to view him as having a backbone. The more nonsense he espouses, the more disgusted I get. Urgh. Get a backbone dude. Asking about career prospects when you have told me you would never join OCBC due to it's "uncool" image; saying yes, yes, yes then when the people are not around, laugh and deride their comments as foolish. It's disgusting, I have no other word for it.

And what I find most disturbing is that he tries to justify his actions as things he HAS to do. Things that he DOESN'T have a choice about. That's bullshit. That's just paying me lip service. At the end of the day, he makes the decisions. So perhaps he should start living with them. He signed up for the OCBC project, which from the start stated that it would have the requirements of an internship. And yet, with this knowledge, he accepted an internship from IBM. Hence, he could only attend meetings after work and such. And now, he is still on internship, still doing the OCBC project, and he choice to take up 2 courses in term 3B. Whose fault that he doesn't have time? Why should I have to listen to you bitch about not having a life when you made the decision to overload yourself? Why should we allow you to not work for one week on the OCBC project because you are swamped with work and school? You made the decision to take up so many tasks. Now show the responsibility to live up to them.

And my project leader, Jolly, allowed him to do so. Why? Because he was smart enough to ask for some other responsibility that made him seem like he was still very involved. Because he said the right words and sounded like a responsible group member. Helloooo, the meeting didn't even go through. That means he got off his share of work just by claiming some invisible responsibility. Pretty words, my darling, pretty words.

The corporate world is treacherous. So many people go through life saying things that they don't mean, doing things that they don't believe in. And yet, they can justify their actions with a few words. Are those words meant to make the person listening to your grousing feel better, or is it for yourself? How many people still have the courage to say what comes to their mind, or do they take the "safe" and "calculated" route of rewording, repackaging and saying things that are "correct" as opposed to "the truth"?

Jolly is equally bad at this. If there was anyone more adept at telling white lies and believing in his own "goodness", he's the man for you. He praises and drips compliments with equanmity. He calls all the girls "Princess" and "Sunshine" and says things like "Anything for you". I mean, it was amusing at first, but after a while, it just got sickening. And the saddest part is that he truly believes that he is a sincere person. He thinks that making everyone like you, no matter through what means, is being sincere. He thinks that even though he feels like throttling someone, because he chose to smile and praise the person, it means that he is a good person. He thinks that he can yell and argue with me and show me his ugly side, but by smiling and pretending it never happened, it makes him a good person.

Hypocrites, every last one of them.

But what is worse is the realization that I'm not much better. I'm not objecting to their ways. I may sneer and roll my eyes, but at the end of the day, I still meet up with them with a smile on my face, and shoulder my responsibilities.

We all learn to move on. We all learn to survive. Ideals and morals fall to the side as we do what it takes to survive. And come out victorious.

Haha.. more comforting words for an eroding soul.