Hate

Oh my god. I hate my boss so much. I'm this seething, boiling mass of hate. You can't imagine how much bodily hurt I want to kill her. For the humiliation and the hurt. For making me nearly cry. For making me hate you; to have my mind replay the scene over and over again, and to plot the different ways in which I can hurt you back. I hate you.

I have worked for RP for close to 6 weeks. All along, Lesley (my boss) has been signing my timesheets with little hesitation. But on Monday this week, she suddenly asked me to document all the tasks that I have done since beginning my tenure at RP. I was outraged cos I have been doing data entry, and she wanted to know how many hours and how many entries I keyed. Fine, I did it. Then for all the little jobs and errands that I did for people, such as photocopying and printing documents, I lumped them under "miscellaneous work". I also had to handle the hotline, which I put as "managed the Helpline". I emailed the document to her, and seeing no response from her, I thought that the matter was closed.

Now, yesterday, I asked her to sign my timesheet at 5.30pm. She was previously in a meeting and I waited until she was done to sign my timesheet. She sighed (like it was the biggest task in the world), paused for effect, then declared that she couldn't sign my timesheet unless I had proper documentation. I told her that I had sent the list to her already. she then replied that she would only sign the timesheet when I produced documentation of my work.

Fine. I cursed a little but because I was still doing work for her, I put aside my timesheet issue and finished the work for her. Soon, she started to leave for home and when I asked her about my timesheet, she asked to see the documentation. I showed it to her and when she saw the "micellaneous work", she sighed damn loudly and proclaimed that it was too vague. So I pleaded with her and said that if she signed my timesheet first (cos I have to hand it up on Monday; my mum was gonna bring it down cos after work would be too late), I would show her the documentation on Monday, with details. She said no. Then I blew up. I quietly informed her that I was not an AA (Admin Associate - perm stuff but home-based), and only a temp.

At this point, Lesley went mad. She yelled at me and said how could I say that I'm only a temp (but I fucking am!), looked at the screen and said "I can't sign your timesheet now, especially now that you say you're only a temp." Pause. "And to think you're from SMU." With that, she threw my crumpled timesheet (cos she was gripping it too tightly) onto my laptop, and walked off. And all my colleagues were still in the office.

I sat fixated to my seat, willing myself not to go after her and bit her head off. I willed myself not to let the tears forming in my eyes spill over. my colleague was rather alarmed at my expression and panickily told me to cool down. I gave her a smile and continued to update the documentation with details. But I was so mad I wanted to hurt somebody. But I didn't. Self-control.

All night, I tried to forget the incident, but I couldn't. I was hurt, angry and frustrated. I wanted to kill her for being a BITCH and INCOMPETENT, for daring to humiliate me this way. Moreover, this means that I will be short of one week's pay. I have to wait till the 10 August to get my next pay.

I'm now in SMU (the new campus), waiting for a Ventures meeting. I just finished a meeting with my OCBC group and the professor. I told them my story and while they expressed sympathy, they told me to apologise. You know, to make things better. After all, she still held the power to withhold payment from me. It was pride, or money. Jolly advised me to draft an apology email to her. Initially, I reacted with shock and distaste, that I had to wayang and kow tow to such a motherfucking bitch. But they were right - it's all about people management, especially difficult people. So I agreed. The only thing was, Jolly wrote the email for me. In my state of mind, he was afriad that I would type something that would only worsen the situation. The email is attached:

Hi Lesley,

Good morning.

I agree with you that there is a need for accountability, regardless of whether I'm an AA or temp staff. I also agree with you that "miscellaneous work" was too vague, and it is important for accountability that more details be included.

I would like to sincerely apologise for yesterday's incident. Please regard this as an isolated case. I will ensure that my future timesheets will be accompanied by proper and detailed documentation. I will also bear in mind to seek your approval for my timesheet at an earlier notice.

It has been an excellent learning experience working in RP. I hope we can look forward to a fresh start.

Please accept my sincere apology.

Regards,

Joanne Chan
org-temp2
Office of Registrar

How nice right? If only she knew how much venom was in every word. If only she knew how much I despised her and wanted to see her dead in front of my. Ah, if only she knew.

Hate is an amazing thing. It can make you feel so miserable, and yet, when enraged, you feel so much adrenaline coursing through your veins. It makes you want to do something, which you may or may not regret later. I'm glad that I talked things through with Jolly. At least I can see some damage control being done.

But I never forget. Never. She will pay, mark my words. She will.