I'm Not Your Bloody Auntie!!!!

Kids are all stupid, that's what they are. Obviously they can't see past their runny noses and beady eyes to discover truth. Bloody sods.

I used to think that my neighbour's bouncy toddler was kinda cute. You know, he talks a lot, looks very cute and is super hyper. Cute, by most standards.

But not anymore. One day, when I was coming out of the house to go to school, that stupid kid rushed to the the door and yelled excitedly, "Auntie!" in my direction. I was so traumatised. I think it was a double blow because his mum started laughing hysterically. I was upset and yelled back at him, "I'm not auntie, I'm JIE JIE!!!" He then proceeded to give me the stupid, ignorant look that all dumb kids have. I hope that I've thoroughly confused him. Hummppfff.

Then the other day on the train while I was reading, this family entered the train. The toddler stood in front of me and started acting cute. Fair enough. I humoured him with the requisite funny faces and broad grins. But when his mother asked him what he was doing, he pointed at me and said "Auntie". His mother then pointed at me and told him not to disturb AUNTIE while she was reading. Wah lao eh, I was so damn pissed lah! Who's your auntie! I'm young and gorgeous ok! I never ask you to bow at me and call me goddess, you should be thankful already! Bllleeaaaahhhh!!!!

To all you people reading this, when you finally have stupid little kids running around, annoying people with their constant talking, you better train them NOT to call me Auntie. Even if I'm 40. I'm the eternal JIE JIE and you better believe that I'm capable of bodily harm.

Is hurting small kids in lieu of self-defense from slander a crime? Yes, it is slander, ok! What if a movie producer walked pass and wanted to cast me as his next leading lady, but because some stupid kid called me "Auntie", he assumed I was too old and walked off?