How do you tell your mother, without sounding like an ingrate, to give you a little breathing space and quit treating you like a 12-year old? You would think that turning 21 would mean a little more freedom, a little more control over your life. Fat chance. Life still goes on, and mothers still act like control freaks.
I'm going to Vietnam with Fadz in April. For 20 days. We're doing the whole backpacking thing; cheap guesthouses, lots of walking and cycling cos it's the best way to get around the country. Telling my mum that it was just me and Fadz nearly caused her to kneel over and asphyxiate from shock. Yes mother, I'm going on a trip ALONE with my boyfriend of 4 freaking years. Big shocker.
After enduring countless tales and warnings of not to get pregnant in a foreign country (yes, let me add to the 3rd world country's overflowing population), she finally relented, albeit with the sly remarks dropped whenever Fadz is around, hoping that her constant, chirpy updates of bird flu in Vietnam would cause me to succumb. Ha, you think?
So anyway, I broke it to her that instead of the original 14, we're now planning a 20 day trip cos there really is quite a lot to see. And we'd be cycling to some of the destinations. She IMMEDIATELY went into freak mode: red veins popping from the neck, eyes welling up in tears, beating of the chest as if I told her I had contracted AIDS. Cycling in a foreign country? Cycling across the streets? All your cycling has been restricted in PARKS! You and that DAMN Fadzli always making this kind of plans!
It took immense will power not to flare up. I've truly, truly had it. Why, just why can't she be less of a paranoid, control freak? Need I yell at her and remind her that she was the one who bred me to be independent. Should I remind her that while she was working, she trusted me to not get into trouble despite her only coming home at 7 every night; gave me little supervision and never once did I stray (I've never smoked, I've never taken drugs); and thought me to be an independent thinker who rarely caved in to her demands.
Sure, get sick of working and decide to be a housewife. Think you can influence my behaviour after 15 years of freedom? Think you can start imposing rules and restrictions and try to take back some of the freedom you gave me when I was 10?
I'm not being wilful, I'm not being a brat. I just want to be recognized as a mature thinking, well-developed young lady who is not perpetually tied to my mum's apron strings. Strings that she chose to enclose around my neck only when I was old enough to break free from them.
I know Vietnam is a 3rd world country. I know there are dangers and unforeseeable events. But how the heck am I ever supposed to grow as a person if she turns me into a paranoid, prissy 50-year old woman now? How would I ever be able to face the world and the obstacles thrown at me if she's forever yanking me back from all harm? Doesn't she understand that I'm not some crazy shithead who wants to taste death before knowing how to live?
My 2nd sister moved out of the house less than a year after coming home from studying abroad because my dear mother was being too stifling. My eldest sister has been under her reign for so long that she can't be bothered to do anything about it. But I can. I refuse to be subjected to her manipulative ways and go along with her wishes. If I did, I must as well pack up and head for a nursing home. With all the restrictions she puts on me, I can foresee myself ending up in an old folks home, alone, unmarried, bitter and useless. That's how she makes me feel right now.
Yup, I am an ingrate. Parents know best, right? Unfortunately, Singaporean parents can't seem to see past academic qualifications and they equate books smarts to street smarts. Sure, your precious child is scoring straight As. Would he be able to survive in the real world once mummy and daddy are no longer around to hold his hand? Or what if he can't afford to get a maid? Gasp, who's going to do the laundry then?
You bet I'm furious. I'm going to Vietnam, no matter what (barring bird flu epidemic). Let the war of sulking, crying and scolding begin. It's a little too late for that.
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