Love, Life and Everything In Between

The first week of school has been... trying, to say the least. In between getting the ol' rusty brain to function (oh, wretched holidays, you have spoilt me!), getting the ol' limbs to move for volleyball, squeezing in time for ol' Fadz, and of course, hanging out with my fave girl of all time (personal time, duh!), I'm quite, quite exhausted. I'm sensing a theme here... how everything is aging and not measuring up to expectations.

Speaking of Fadz, we kinda had this talk the other night. I think whenever you're in a long-term relationship, new changes can bring about old insecurities. No matter how happy you may be at a particular point in a relationship, a single external factor can drudge up things you'd rather not think about. Or perhaps the problem never went away, but was suppressed by wishful thinking. I sure hope not; it's too depressing that way.

Anyway, I pigeon-holed Fadz into discussing our options. Now, I must make clear that I'm very, very serious about Fadz and frankly, marriage has never been out of the question. Just not now. However, I was in one of my "thoughtful moods" that night and started quizzing Fadz about why he's so damn sure I'm THE ONE for him. Of course, I'm not talking about throwing me over his shoulder at this moment and rushing off to ROM, but rather, how he knew that he was contented with me. For the rest of his life.

To put things in a 3rd-person perspective so that I can naively distance my emotional commitment, let's use the example of a fish-eater at a fish market. Now, let's say Fadz is a fish-eater and I'm unagi (eel, baby! Yums!) This fish-eater has previously dabbled with different types of fish, nothing serious. But when he bit into the unagi, he knew it was true love. Ever since then, he's been committed to unagi, resisting any temptations from other coy, flashy fishes. So my question is, how does he know that he's gonna be an unagi-eater for the rest of his life? Wouldn't he get bored of the taste? What happens when a red snapper turns up at the market one day, flicks her shiny tail, and beckons him to buy her? What happens then? Would the fish-eater resist the temptation but go on thinking about that red snapper, in which case, would it be better for the unagi to just turn to another fish-eater?

You see, I never thought that NS would be the hurdle for us. Hey, I knew he wasn't about the turn gay and as for myself, harmless flirtations but nothing serious. But now, he's exposed to women. Every.Single.Day. What if there's someone out there who's better suited for him? What if we no longer have time for each other and simply drift apart? What if, what if, what if. I think self-doubt is driving me crazy.

On my part, I can't help feeling restless sometimes. Or simply itchy for something new. To imagine that I'd never know another person's touch, another person's love, to sample the initial courtship ever again can be quite intimidating. So that night, I started throwing ludicrous questions at Fadz like "What would you do if I slept with someone?" or "What happens if I develop feelings for someone else?" Things like that. On one hand, I was trying to test his limits and commitment, on the other hand, I was trying to get him to discuss our options at this very moment. You know, the issue about exclusivity. I know that's very childish but the issue of exclusivity stems from the fear of possible loneliness if things don't work out. I mean, a woman needs to know that she's still desirable and "marketable" and being in a long-term relationship can sometimes make you doubt that. Cos even interested men stay away. I'm practically "sold goods". So it's incredibly scary to imagine that one day, if I'm put back on the shelf, I may not find a buyer. I know I know, I've probably set back feminism by a gazillion years, but seriously, which woman doesn't fear that (All you gorgeous brats be damned, I know my limits and doubts kinda come with the package)?

So many fears and questions jumbled together... I can't even put them in cohesive paragraphs. But that's how my brain works. It's all pure joy or mind-numbing doubt. It's a mess in there. I'm kinda extreme in that way.

Fadz simply replied that he knew he'd never cheat on me. He knows what kind of person he is and being unfaithful was out of the question. He can't gaurantee the future, as in whether we'd drift apart, stop loving each other. But he knows that he'd love me for as long as he can. We definitely can't predict what happens 10 years, or even 1 year down the road, and who knows, perhaps eventually we'd go our separate ways. But for now, he's mine and I'm his and that's all that matters.

I'm definitely not ready to settle down (even though Fadz described me as homely!!!! %#^@&^#@ I'll show him homely! Kristin, we are so gonna have a wild night this Thursday!!!), but you know what? Self-doubt be damned. I'll worry about the future later and I KNOW what we have now is special. So no matter what, I'm gonna make it count and stop trying to find cracks. I'd rather remember this as a beautiful period in my life than golden years lost to a relationship that went no where.

And you know what? If Singaporean men can't appreciate me, I'll go some place where the men do. The world is my playground, baby!

I Heart Melbourne (Pictures explosion alert - aka will load very slowly)

Sniff, I miss Melbourne already. Want more. Want to go back. *pout* Just wish it wasn't so terribly expensive. The freaking food court costs like AUD12 for a hotdog, fries and drink. That's S$14.40, by the way. For foodcourt food.

But on to the pleasantries.

You know what is better than taking SIA?

Taking a half-filled SIA midnight flight. The stewardesses were super attentive and happy (which I suspect stems from there being less customers to service), and it's marvellous being able to stretched out and sprawl all over 3 seats.

We stayed at the Crown Promenade Hotel located on the Southbank of Melbourne, which is about 15 minutes walk from the city centre. I love the hotel. Sure, by 3rd-world countries' standard this 4.5-star hotel is nothing to whoop about... But I love its elegant and simple decor, big and comfy beds and good food. Oh yeah, and it also has a casino. Yes, we went every night. And yes, it ate quite a bit of my money, but I won some too. So take that, casino boss!

Think I'm the only camwhore in the family? Think again. Point a camera in the right direction and see all the hams. Haha.. and this is why NO ONE in my family knows about this blog. I think my mum would murder me if she knows the language I use here. :P

Yes, yes, we are shameless. But that's a civil servant, advertising producer and idle student you're laughing at. We (ok they) deserve to loosen up on a break from work.

I fell in love with Melbourne the moment I saw... the bare trees. I know, I know, wtf right? But when I went to Vietnam and Taipei, it sometimes felt like I was still in Singapore. But when I saw those damn trees, I wanted to weep from joy. Cos it meant that I was in a country that had more than 1 season every year. Yay, trees! Oh yeah, and I love how Melbourne preserved it's old buildings for posterity, mixing the old and new seamlessly.

You know how in Singapore, people would laugh at you if you said that you were walking from point A to point B, and it took more than 10 minutes? But got train, what! Take a cab lah, goon du! But the weather was perfect for taking long walks. We didn't take any cabs at all, which is quite an accomplishment for my family, really. We walked and walked and walked. And no one complained. Although I doubt we would have felt the same way in the summer. FYI, our hotel is the smaller, blue one in the first photo at the top-left. The bigger building is the Crown Tower Hotel, which is more opulent.. but I think in a cheena kind of way. And it has more mainland Chinese guests because of the casino.

The Southbank river to the left, Federation Square the right.

The Melbourne authorities thought it would be a good idea to construct some monument welcoming visitors to the city. And they constructed this... monstrosity. As our driver described it... A slanted MacDonald's sign and multiple carrot sticks.

Look ma! Bare trees and old buildings! Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas (Singapore) anymore!

Our hotel room. Had to share a bed with Cheryl. Thank goodness it was big enough. And the stupid toilet has no tub, but hey, 1st world country. Cannot expect that much.

Port-o-loo. Teeheehee. I wonder if anyone actually uses it.

The casino thoughtfully planned out entertainment for its guests. And they thought that a series of explosions would be fun. That's us cowering in fear as fire exploded above us in succession, building up to a giant burst of fire that lights up the skyline. And you can actually feel the heat. Yes, that big.

There was this confectionary shop in my hotel's shopping arcade. I would pass it every night and drool. But i never ate anything cos I was always full. Damn.

My fave shot of the whole holiday. I didn't look fat and actually posed quite glamourously. Hahha!

We went on a chocolate tour. Ate so much that I was a bit sick that night. But the chocs were amazing, guide was nuts and the extra pounds were worth it... mostly.

Mmmm... Chocolate.

Took a lovely horse carriage ride after the chocolate tour. My poor dad was so exhuasted (and I suspect, sick from the choc) that he went home early. So the Chan women took a delightful tour around Melbourne, via smelly horses.

The next day was reserved for a wine tasting tour. It was a whole jumble of things, really. We:

Fed some birds... (one bit my hand while gobbling the bird food, stupid sod)

Trekked through a forest...

Sat on the Puffing Billy Steam Train and winded through a forest (yes, I sat on the sill the whole 30 minutes. Can anyone say, sore ass?)...

And of course, tasted wine. My first time, so I must say, it was quite an experience. I didn't know it went to fast. And 10 different types of wine at each location (there were 3)? I was sick to my stomach at the last stop. Not from being drunk, but just sick.

You have to visit the Moet and Chandon winery. IT IS FREAKING GORGEOUS. Look at that! Isn't it unreal? I swear no Photoshopping or whatever (I don't even have the program, can).

What else did we do? Shopped, ate loads, and went for a stupid river cruise. Only old people and devil school kids take such rides. But Geraldine wanted a cruise, so bloody hell, got dragged along.

Not very happy.

And erm... we just stopped taking photos after that. Not much to cronicle, anyway. Except on the final night, which also happened to be my parents' wedding anniversary, was celebrated at the wonderful number 8 restaurant at the hotel. It was utterly fab. Fantastic food, service so discrete and attentive I wanted to stand and clap, and best of all, we (ie. the sisters and I) wanted to arrange for a cake to be brought to the table at the end of the meal. The restaurant not only gave us a free cake, but a damn good one at that.

So Happy 30th Wedding Anniversary, parents! Love you and thanks for sharing this magical event with us!

Halal Will Never Mean The Same Again

I think I'm gonna enjoy my investment banking class. The prof is crappy and lame enough to keep us awake.

On packaging financial instruments to suit a country's needs...

Prof A: "You think only food need to be halal ah? Investment instruments must also be halal, ok! Maybe next time we will see the MUIS (Majlis Ugama Islam Singapura) sign on all certificates!"

In case you don't get it, Islamic banking is in accordance with Islamic law principles and forbids the collection and payment of interest.

So, you know, Islam, Muslim principles, MUIS (governing body), halal, ha-ha-ha?

Ok, fine. The class thought it was funny when the prof said it. I'm not a dork.

First Day of School

After a while, you learn to stop holding your breathe. Things get thrown in your way and all you can do is... react. Maybe it was not the best response, maybe when you rethink the incident, you wish you could do it all over again. But really, perhaps it's time I stop fretting the small stuff and move on.

School officially began today. Funny thing happened on the train. I entered the train and to my surprise, I was greeted by the open-mouthed, sleeping Lee (Li?) Ji Kun. I didn't want to wake him up cos it might have been a bit awkward... but when he woke up, boy was that embarrassing. Especially the little drool. Hiak hiak.

Dear ol' SMU looks exactly as how I left it, except more crowded. Damn bigger intake this year. I dread thinking about how cutthroat it would be to book resources. Damn Year 1s. Relax a bit lah! I actually saw some mugging already! On the first day! Sheesh... And it's weird, but although the male freshies are my age, I find them strangely... infantile-looking. Like very young and immature. I had fun walking down the corridors, picking out the freshies. So young, so fresh, so uncontaminated. The aura of "Year 1" clings to them like a dead odour. You just can't shake it off.

My 8.30am professor was entertaining enough. If I have to deal with Monday morning blues, at least I won't fall asleep. But OH MY GOD, please kill me after that. My afternoon class is a dry subject, the professor even drier. I nearly died simply keeping awake. But what to do... pre-requisite. Die die also must do. Bleah.

Oh yeah, and the SMU-OCBC card is finally launched. Hoorah, hooray, bring out the confetti. The card face and idea behind the card is still pretty much what my team fleshed out, but hat's off for getting the card out. The new team managed the operations side and triumphed. But that doesn't mean I have to care. Or apply for the card. Screw this, I'm done with it.

3 hours later, I was still running, this time in a gym for volleyball training. And I think I was most vexed by this. Not because I'm now aching like mad from the lack of activity for the past month, but because I had to deal with a bitch of a team mate. She's immature, acts like a princess, and expects everyone to quiver in fear when she goes on a rampage. Well, boohoohoo, if you want to play the bitch card, take a queue number, honey.

So anyway, my captain had to leave first and left the training to me. So there I was, encouraging my team mates as we all struggled along, and that prat had the gull to go on and on about her pathetic little life and loser problems. Seriously, no one gives a shit. But whatever, as long as she does what is required, she can talk till her voice goes hoarse and I wouldn't give a shit.

But she had to go and throw a temper. She refused to do the exercises and sussed me. So I basically told her to fucked off. Well, not so succinctly, but I told her to to get lost and go home since she was so just being in the way and affecting the others. Surprise surprise, she hung around after all, giving me the evil eye. Amazingly, she never stopped talking to breathe. Needless to say, we pricked each other's temper further.

Frankly, she's not the only person so completed wrapped up in her own world that she can't see past her eyelashes. I dunno why, but I think there's something wrong with this generation. I think we're taking the whole "me, myself and I" thing too seriously. Damn the iPod. Maybe it should have been the peoplePod.

But seriously.. I have heard so many people whining about their lives, relationships, school, life... blah blah blah. All they do is whine, whine whine. Well, you can jolly well suck it up and deal with it, yeah? It's called LIFE and everyone has their own problems. You think everyone is at your beck and call, acting like a sponge and just absorbing? A friendship is 2-ways and if all you want to do is talk about yourself with no regard for the other person, may I suggest you call 1900-SELF-ABSORBED?

Yeah, I'm pissed off. First day of school and I have to deal with so much shit. I've finally realized that I can't please everyone. And you know what? I'm done trying. You don't like me? Deal with it. Don't expect me to try to grovel into your good books or anything. I'm happy (usually), I have friends, family and boyfriend who love me, and that's enough.

Hear this woman roar, babies!

I'm Back!

Melbourne was fantastic. Utterly charming, it exceeded all my expectations and more. Great architecture, deliciously chilly weather (yes, my parents picked Aussie to escape the Singapore heat), unbelievable food and overall, a very, very memorable holiday. I heart Melbourne. It's unreal that I'm back in Singapore, waiting for school to start in a couple of days. Ah me.

But I'll like to take a pause from recounting my Melbourne holiday to pay homage to Singapore Airlines. Good lord, after having endured the 3 budget airlines one after another (Bangkok - Air Asia; Vietnam - Tiger Airways; Taiwan - Jetstar), SIA was the breathe of fresh air that I so badly craved. Having dropped one position to 5th place on the list of best airlines in the world, I suppose SIA had to take a firmer stand with it's cabin staff and remind them that good service is not only for bloody ang mohs, but Asians too. The last time I took SIA, I vaguely remember encountering snarky service staff. Not so this time around. Smiles on all faces, indefatiguable good nature, attentive staff. Did I mention the awe-inspiring inflight entertainment? Who else would give you great movie selections, TV shows, games and even attempt to teach you a new language on a plane flight? Ah SIA, if there's one thing to be proud of Singapore, it's the damn bloody good airline we have. Pat yourself on the back.

Alright, back to the post. So why the sudden family holiday, seeing how the last holiday with all family members accounted for, was 11 years ago? Well, how could any of us miss the 30th wedding anniversary celebration of our parents? 30 years, can you imagine? By today's standards, that is probably equivalent to 3 serious relationships! It's mind-blowing, really. I think that's something people fail to realize today. Sure, women are more liberated these days and some may view relationships as fluid and replaceable. If a relationship fails, it's much easier to throw in the towel and move on because you learn from your previous relationships and everything would soon be better, right? But at the end of the day, nothing comes easy and quarrels do happen even to the best of relationships. If you do manage to overcome all the various hurdles (and more would come), life is just so much more... colourful. I suppose we all have the "Ultimate Ideal Mate" in our heads, but seriously, no one is that perfect. And that's the beauty of having relationships. The constant surprises, learning something new about your other half. If it was so perfect to begin with, wouldn't you get bloody bored awfully quickly? Yes yes, it was nice having the flowers and mini surprises and that first kiss, hug, touch. It probably felt like your other half cared more back then. But there's beauty in mature relationships too. I think sometimes, we take the comfort level derived from a long relationship of understanding for granted. It doesn't come easily, and when you do find it, learn to cherish it.

Sorry bout that, dunno why I suddenly went off in a rant.

Ok, photos will be up soon... enough.

School in 5 days' time. Ugh, ugh, ugh.

Singapore Fireworks 2006

Oh.My.God. The number of Singaporeans who have nothing to do on a Saturday night is amazing. I thought it would be fun to go check out the Fireworks competition since I was in the vicinity, but the sheer pandemonium that greeting us was madness. Hundreds of people squeezed along the riverbank of Esplanade Park. People pushing, children screaming... you would have thought that the world was ending.

But I succeeded. I admit, it isn't very good footage, but footage nonetheless. And my viewpoint was terrible. But I did manage to capture the first few minutes of the fireworks display by Team Italy.


Look at the number of people who turned up! I was pushed, shoved, poked, prodded and harrassed severely.


Stupid trees blocked my clear view. Disclaimer: if you suffer from motion sickness and throw up after watching this, not my problem. I don't have steady hands and I was trying my best to stay on tiptoes for a better view. Hence the shaking.


After-battle us. The Fadz man was not happy.


But nothing like a little sinful dessert to make things better. Yums!

A Proper Post For Taiwan

Okok, time to get down to business. Have to write down my thoughts before I flit off to Melbourne with the family.

Hate my life? Bite me. I've worked my ass off for the money and besides, I will be burning in intern and summer school hell next year. Need to build up precious memories now to sustain me through that trying time.

Ah well. Back to Taiwan.

Someone commented that we picked the possibly worse time to visit Taipei. The typhoon hit on Tuesday, we banged right into the first day of the 7th month and on the last day, a 6.2 earthquake hit the city. Luckily, we were already at the airport. Makes for great stories though.

Just a small digression. Traveling with the boyfriend was all great and dandy because he was my strong man and carry all my shopping, took care of me and let me sleep an extra 10 minutes every morning while he bathed first. But traveling with one of my dearest and oldest girlfriends was fantastic too. Sure, I had to lug my suitcase everywhere myself and there was the toilet issue, but hey, nothing beats being with a female while you ponder over a potential purchase, poking and questioning, before deciding 10 minutes later you don't want it. Girls never mind that. Fadz would totally have killed me.

Ah yes, so what did we do? Eat, shop, sightsee, eat and shop a lot more.

The boyfriend and parents formed my entourage. Muahaha.. The Rock Star has arrived!

I've now had the dubious honour of traveling on all 3 budget airlines. My conclusion? THEY ALL SUCK. It sucked so badly I wanted to chop my legs off and pry my brain out. And Pei Wen was extra fidgety which made the 5-hour journey excruciating. IT'S SO DAMN, FREAKING BORING, CRAMP, LACKING IN SERVICE AND THEY CHARGE EXORBIDANT PRICES FOR CRAPPY FOOD. Hummpff. I'm gonna kiss every bloody inch of SIA when I go to Melbourne.

I'm very messy meh? Both Fadz and Pei Wen complained incessantly. Look, I'm female, I carry tons of stuff in a ridiculously small bag. Need to find something urgently? Turn all the contents out onto the bed lah!

The hotel was okay, not as pokey as I expected it to be. They even gave us a whole freaking watercooler for all the water we needed. But dim lighting and a 10 minutes walk from Ximending can seem like an eternity after 8 hours of nonstop shopping.

Oh god, we ate so much. We were like heinous pigs devouring everything in sight. Gulp. FYI, smelly tofu is not so bad while consuming it, but leaves an aftertaste of shit. Remember the breathe mints. And Shilin XXL chicken chop is so overrated. Bleah.

The ubiquitous Ximending. The maze of shops kept us quite occupied for 5 days. Mostly Ah Lian fashion, with a quirky find every once in a while. So dig deep, dig hard, and haggle mercilously (not that it really worked).

Yes, we did sightseeing, ok. It wasn't just a debauchery of shopping and eating. Taipei 101 was brill, but a fucking pirates' den. Must pay for everything. Leave your wallet at the counter. But the view was killer. The memorials were... ho hum. But I wrote calligraphy for the first time!

I realise that we (fine, mostly me) did a lot of stupid things that made us stand out as bloody tourist. Oh well. You can only be dumb overseas, yeah?

The signs in Taipei are... interesting, to say the least. I felt terribly inadequate speaking Mandarin and was constantly at a loss for words (*sobz* I wept and cried out for people who would understand Singlish). But ha-di-ha-ha, I got my pride back when confronted with swoon-worthy and confusing English signs.

Pity we didn't get to go to Dan Shui for its hot springs, or planned for a trip over the weekend, cos S.H.E. were in town. Oh well.

Now I just want more, more, more! Let's see the world!

Taiwan Was Simply Lovely

Argh, I hate uploading photos. But I feel like I'm neglecting this blog and have been forcing myself.

Taiwan was brilliant. Going on holiday with one of your oldest female friends is very different from going on holiday with your boyfriend. Both have pros and cons. Let's the say that I'm glad it was Pei Wen who was with me this shopping spree holiday.

We ate shitloads. We shopped to our very last cent (literally).

Will update soon.

P.S.: Mok Mok, glad you're back in Singapore! *muacks*