A silly little thing called love

Last night, while having a HTHT (that's heart-to-heart talk) with one of my editors circa midnight, said editor turned to me and opined, "there's this void in me, Joanne".

And the way it was said struck such a chord in me. The editor, who's single, was talking about missing out on love. And was still waiting for that special someone.

So really, why do people pursue a career so valiantly, sometimes at the expense of love?

I'm not saying there's no value in a career, I get it, there's a sense of achievement, goal-setting, ambition.

But if there's no one to share it with, is there really a point to all that ambition? What's the point of pumping your fist in the air in victory, but turning around and finding no one there to really congratulate you? Just empty faces and empty claps?

Whenever I have good news, or bad news, I find myself immediately seeking ZW's opinion, or wanting to tell him first.

Be it a promotion, or a fight, or frustration, I want his support, his words, his thoughts, his comfort. And I hope I do the same for him too.

No matter how bad a day has been, there's nothing, nothing in this world, that feels better than being engulfed in a tight embrace, being kissed on the forehead and told everything will be okay.

I feel the relentless climb up the corporate level is only worth it if there's someone to share it with.

Sure, there's family. But the funny thing is, we tend to take family for granted. We always assume that they will be there, even if we don't do anything. We move continents to further our career, spend time apart, sometimes forgetting to talk, all safe in the knowledge that family will always be there. There's often little effort involved.

But a relationship is different. Work at it or you may find yourself out of one. Neglect it too much and it may all be over.

And it's that work that intensifies the bond, and makes it all the more magical, every emotion more powerful.

Anyway, back to the editor, I actually said, we have to find said editor a partner.

And my parting shot? That a relationship makes me want to try harder at work, be more efficient, because I have a motivating force. I want to complete my work on time, get out of the office, and have a life. I want to be a lean, mean machine and cut out the chatter, remove myself from politics and day-to-day frustrations, because there's someone waiting for me and I cannot afford to be idle.

And I'd move heaven and earth to be with him.

The one about the boat....

My life is starting to feel like I'm adrift at sea in a boat I'm not particularly fond of.

The captain is starting to annoy me, the first-mate is starting to annoy me, the boat feels rudderless and moving without any real sense of purpose. It's just moving because it has to.

So why don't I get off? Because I don't see another vehicle in sight.

In the beginning, I imagined myself standing on an island and I had to step off off as I could no longer live there.

Without knowing what to do, I looked to the sea, the sky.. anywhere for a sturdy vehicle to take me somewhere.

So along came this boat and I was like, why not? So I hopped on.

But it's been over 3 years and I'm starting to feel trapped. I gaze out at sea, hoping to find an alternative seacraft... and I see nothing.

I think there are people who have faced a similar situation. Some see another yacht on the horizon, shiny and desirable, but feel like the distance is too far to swim and choose to stay put.

Others may choose to leap into the waters without a boat in sight, and know that they can float on their backs until something comes along.

Me? I don't see a boat in sight, and I'm not particularly good at swimming. And so I find myself frozen in place, unhappy, but in doubts over my ability to survive, or to try something new.

Cowardice and lack of direction is really, really, starting to piss me off.

I used to think that going on holidays was the solution - giving me the time to cool off, recharge and come back reset at zero and ready to deal with the challenges.

But lately, it just feels like I'm escaping and when I do have to return to reality, nothing has changed, and the angst simply builds up.

 

Back to regular programming...

It was a whirlwind 17 days of GE, during which I would collapse on my bed every night out of exhuastion, only to jump up in the morning and hit the ground running again.

I think it was raw adrenaline (and copious amounts of ginseng) that kept me going. Because the moment all the excitement was over, I fell brutally sick.

During those crazy days, I would literally wake up with my mind racing through the things I had to do for the day, trying to remember all that was said the night before and the new issues I had to bring up.

My phone was always beside me, and I would pick up calls on the first ring - never knowing if it was to send me on my next job, or to inform me of last minute changes.

The only time I got to see the boyfriend was in-between jobs, because I needed a place to crash and his house was nearer to my office than mine.

For the campaign period, I was almost always exclusively dipping in the blue pool, although I did do some mingling with the whites and orange.

And it's interesting to see three different political parties at different stages of evolution - the men in white representing perhaps a slightly bygone era, dressed in slightly faded clothing, sitting in old-fashioned saloons and discussing better times.

Then you have the guys in blue - it's taken them some time to polish up, but they most certainly have gotten their act together. Dressed in modern gear and speaking modern day lingo, these guys get the issues, and have hit the ground running with them.

And finally you have the scruffy teens in orange. A hodge-podge of people from all sorts of backgrounds, it is a team held together by the same uniform they wear, and little else. The leaders never really seem in charge, and anyone willing to speak up can make a name for themself.

It's easy to see why the blue party has been able to ascend so quickly. While not markedly different from the current ruling government so as not to create too much discomfort, it also speaks to the growing tide of resentment that seems to be bubbling ever so vigorously these days.

The thing about the current ruling party is that it's not doing a supremely terrible job, perhaps it's getting worn around the ages, but nothing earth-shatteringly bad.

Which is why those parties which chose the rhetoric of demolishing everything the current party has established, and demonising them to the point of religious fervour.. never quite took off. You can't expect the electorate to swing so left so quickly.

As we await the first sitting of Singapore's 12th Parliament, I can only wonder just how much impact those 6 election opposition MPs will make. And further down the road, if they will consolidate and strengthen their position, or will they go the way in 1997, and be cut down to size?

Election fever

It's been a whirlwind... I dunno how many days.

Time seems to have stood still since parliament was dissolved.

Think it's my 12th straight day of working. And not just working, but working insanely long and tiring hours.

I think i'm getting five hours of sleep maybe?

Morning walkabouts, afternoon conferences, evening rallies. I leave the office after midnight and arrive at my assignment at 9.

Some of you know that covering the GE has been a long desire of mind, putting aside holidays and job opportunities.

But damn, it's slowly ripping me apart. Luckily only 3 more days to go.

Jason derulo

Not sure if you guys have heard of him, but he's the guy who sang "in my head".

Fun, clubbish-type of song. That in itself is no great shakes.

But the song never fails to make me smile because it was THE song of the moment when i was in China, during the asean-china youth camp, where i met ZW

Jason derulo

Not sure if you guys have heard of him, but he's the guy who sang "in my head".

Fun, clubbish-type of song. That in itself is great shakes.

But the song never fails to make me smile because it was THE song of the moment when i was in China, during the asean-china youth camp, where i met ZW

I think i'm getting old...

It's been ages since i last visited a club.

With my busted ankle, limited stamina and alcohol-dulled senses, i'm actually blogging.

Hmm.. Think i'm over this whole clubbing thing.

Oh, and i'm getting old.

Inward looking

I can't remember what sparked the conversation, but one balmy night after work, i started talking to this editor.

And somehow, the conversation drifted to moving overseas.

The editor then gave me this sage advice: "a relationship has to be very strong if a couple decides to uproot and move overseas."

"And it's important to have a core group of friends, otherwise, the relationship becomes inward looking, and can crumble."

That statement struck me, simply because ZW has expressed a desire to go overseas.

And really, in all likelihood, i would go with him. Japan, London... Wherever the winds blow us.

Since i have no concrete plans, it's highly likely that i'd not do anything for a while, trying to set up a home in a foreign land.

Would i be able to set up a strong support network too? Or would i become so overly dependent on ZW for human contact that it strangles him?

When we holidayed in Japan, i broke down at one point because i felt so isolated.

Deep into our vacation, ZW was the only person whom i could speak to, converse with, ask questions of. He was my intepreter, my only contact.

And when he chose not to talk to me, or do translation, i felt all alone and isolated.

So the idea of going away for a prolonged period of time, while exciting, is also very, very scary.

Relationships are like rechargeable batteries...

When it's new, everything it touches is super fired up and energised.

And then the battery power starts to fade. If you remember, you quickly plug yourself into a wall socket to get a much needed boost.

Health restored, you're ready to go again.

But sometimes, something major hits and it drains the power so quickly, you're left with nothing to work with. And left wondering what the hell happened.

I'm not sure, but i think i just got hit. And there's no wall socket in sight.

mindfucked

I'm not a fucking mind reader. So don't blame me if my well-meaning intentions do not comply with your non-communicated desires.

This is ridiculous on so many levels.

Mindfucked.

Now the quake gets personal...

I suppose you must have heard that the biggest earthquake to hit Japan struck on Friday afternoon.

I spent the whole day chasing down Singaporeans to interview, and finally got through.

Just when I thought I was done with the situation.. well, the situation just got personal.

My mum and sis are en-route from New York to Japan, before coming back to Singapore.

The last I heard, their flight got delayed, and I'm not sure whether chaos would greet them at Japan. I just hope flights can still get out of Narita.

And now the boyfriend is being sent to the actual disaster site to report.

I'm terrified. The whole newsroom was fixated on the images coming out of Sendai. Entire coasts, homes, vehicles, farmland were wiped out in sheer minutes. The tsunami spread so quickly, some cars became trapped. We saw people run out of their cars and make a dash for it, running somewhere, anywhere, to get away from the black water threatening to overwhelm them.

Aftershocks are expected. And ZW might be walking into them. Hello sleepless nights..

A snippet of what happens when logic meets excitement...

It all started with an article from the New York Times travel section...

me:  http://travel.nytimes.com/2011/03/06/travel/06bahia-bustamante.html?ref=travel

Lin:  Rooms are $215 a night, including three home-cooked meals a day and all the malbec you can throw back.

wow

if that isnt ex i dunno what is...

me:  but but but... it's 400 guests allowed in a year!!!

it's all the wildlife nature up close and personal

Lin:  yes yes

it does seem very good

(.. some discussion..)

Lin:  if i were to go, i would stay at least a week

and buy at least one expensive telephoto lens to bring along

a trip like this would cost me at least 5k sgd

me:  yessss but wouldn't it be totally worth it???

that's like a trip of a lifetime!

Lin:  there are many "trips of a lifetime"

me:  ostriches!!!  penguins!!!

Lin:  italy for me was a trip of a lifetime

me:  especially penguins!!!

!!!!!!!!!

Lin:  japan was a trip of a lifetime

you take the bait too easily baby

you're the advertiser's dream

me:  .... you just deflated all my exclamation marks

now i feel empty

Lin:  haha just want you to get real

there's no such thing as trip of a lifetime

unless you intend to die after your last trip

me:  why can't i have multiple trips of a lifetime??

every trip should be memorable!

Lin:  because then the phrase wont have any meaning

what does trips of a lifetime mean??

me:  it means i've had a good life

so there

Lin:  ...

New project

So…. I’ve started a new blog. Borne out of a need to do something new, a secret desire to a be travel writer, and an appreciation for ZW’s photos.

I’ve created a travel blog. Still trying to get the tone right. It’s a cross between travel writing and travel information.

Whenever I travel, I do get requests from friends asking about accommodation and things to do. So here it is!

Let me know if you have any thoughts! All comments appreciated!

It’s called He Shoots, She Writes. For obvious reasons.

There are only 2 posts so far… but I’m getting there!

Spending Time With The Girls

It’s always a challenge finding time to meet up with my friends. If I’m not working, I’m usually passed out on my bed. If I’m lucky, I get to squeeze in time with my honey bunny.

Just the other day, we both realised that the honeymoon period is pretty much over and the starry-eyed lovers ain’t so starry-eyed anymore.

Cute quirks have been replaced by annoyances, tempers are a little more frayed, and arguments are a lot more frequent then necessarily.

We both agreed that we spend so little time together that it’s almost like we have to reestablish a connection each time we meet.

Guess what people, we are no longer just giggly lovers. We’re – dare I say it – in a relationship. Oh help us both.

Anyway, that aside, I was talking about meeting up with the girls.

First up – celebrating Sylvia’s birthday! Shawn was upset that we didn’t wait for him… but it’s very difficult coordinating 4 people’s schedules, ok?

We gave Sylvia something cute and cuddly to hug at night. Just what every girl needs. :)

Meet meh-meh!

Disgustingly good chocolate cake with vanilla ice cream

Meh-meh and chicken in a basket.

What? Cannot act cute issit?

Happy birthday girl!

Next up… meet the volleyball girls. I can’t believe it’s been more than a year since I last saw them. It’s amazing how we can go from seeing someone 3 times a week for 3 years… to not seeing the person for a year.

We’ve all aged a little – a little more jaded, a little more tired, but still a whole lotta bitchy. HAHA!

Meet: The special education teacher, the normal teacher, the reporter, the finance analyst, the banker

For some strange reason, the flash on my camera only lit up half the picture. Damn lighting in IndoChine.

Say cheese!

A Tale Of Two Differences

Attraction can sure be a funny thing. There's really little basis for it - all that talk about commonalities and whatnot.. I'm more inclined to believe the whole "opposites attract" theory.

Just look at ZW and I.

I email him fruity articles about love and attraction. He emails me stuff from the Economist about property markets.

When we browse at magazines stands, he heads for the current affairs and photography section. I'm permanently parked in the entertainment and fashion portion.

As he describes his passion for the Discovery channel, I'm nodding and flicking over to E! Entertainment.

I have this mental image of us sitting on a couch in some distant future, and he's reading the Financial Times (which he says he loves) and I'm flipping People magazine.

I think the reason why this somehow still manages to work is that we don't try to change who the other person is. Sure, there are differences that annoy and grate on one another. Things that can end in shouting matches or angry words being exchange. (I swear he's the only person who can sound annoyed saying "Baby!")

But at the end of the day, we are who we are (shit, did I just quote Ke$ha? Or as Principal Figgins from Glee would call her, "Ke-dollar sign-ha")

Some people go into relationships thinking you can mold the other person into this ideal personality, or that something you dislike can be changed over time.

If I've learnt anything, it's that people don't change that much. Just that love can make you want to compromise on certain points, slow that sharp tongue and think before yelling.

And another thing I love about ZW - he said he doesn't believe in compromise, 'cos that means giving up something about yourself. Rather, a relationship is about understanding and seeing the other person's point of view, instead of just caving in for the sake of harmony.

<3<3<3

Random photos of us

Thought it'd be nice to put up some photos that are either too random, or too few to make it to facebook.

Ever since ZW bought me a camera, I've been snapping a lot more pictures, but never know what to do with them.

Hey, what's a camera for, right?


When Cheryl was back in Singapore


Our Christmas stay Wanderlust


Cam-whoring in the glass lift


Dinner at the hotel's restaurant, Cocette. Fabulous food. Stuffed ourselves silly


Christmas day lunch with the family

I'm Stuck In A Rut

At work, in life... just stuck.

It's like being in limbo - there's no sense of movement, just a floating sensation that time is passing me by, but nothing concrete is happening.

It gets worse.. I'm not even sure what's a viable alternative. Seriously, I think I'm in a sucky position, but what's a better option?

Sometimes I wonder how I got here. I had a defined path, I was actively pursuing it.. and then the winds blew me here. And I've been here for 3 years, and still not sure what I'm doing.

And that's really the story of my life. I see the pattern repeated over and over again. Just when I put my mind down and decide on a course of action, after I've made peace with it... the winds of fate blow me completely off course.

So am I waiting for the next gust of wind? Have the heavens grown bored of me? Am I finally left to my own devices?

Yes, I'm in a rather dramatic mood at this hour.

In other, completely unrelated news... I met a mutual friend of F and mine today. We starting chit chatting and I know he meant no harm..

He mentioned that F told him bits and pieces of how things ended, and he said I cheated on him.

Cheated. Such an ugly word.

But I guess it was simply calling a spade a spade.

I don't regret my decision, I really don't.

Perhaps the only thing I do possibly regret is that I started something when I was still in a relationship.

But hey, the best advice I received, strangely enough, came from F.

He said the heart is seldom wrong.

The Pursuit of Patience

The more I stay in this job, the shorter my patience is. Seriously.

When deadlines are counted not in weeks, not days, but in HOURS... every second becomes important.

Every decision starts taking on consequences - do I eat lunch to power through the day, but it's 1.30pm and 2pm requires a few lines... you get the point.

And because time is so tight, I have no patience for long chats.

The brutal nature of broadcast is that you spend very little time actually talking to your interviewee, trying to get to the bottom of things. Because ultimately, that 30 minute interview is going to turn up as a 20-second soundbite.

And so, sadly, I'm starting to apply that to my life. I find myself increasingly cutting people off mid-sentence.

Like my brain is on auto-mode, and if my brain assesses that your sentence is going nowhere, I jump in with questions. If you start rattling, I get impatient and try to divert the conversation to something more interesting. Skip the soliloquies please, and just get to the point.

ZW hates that. I can't entirely blame him. He thinks I'm not listening. He's wrong - I'm just selectively listening.

Shit, I have the attention span of a cockel spaniel.

I got on the weighing scale today...

And got the shock of my life.

I've put on so much weight since i got together with ZW.

Happiness is making me fat.

I've always been curvy, but hopefully in a sexy way.

This development, however, is.... Disturbing.

Argh.

Polygamy...

At work people, at work. In life, I'm monogamous, ok?

Being a bi (tri?) platform reporter is sucking the life blood out of me.

While we're expected to be like Mormon, polygamous men and treat all wives equally - attention, love, sex, money - I'm starting to feel more like a Chinese rich lord in ancient times - by taking on a new wife, I've neglected the old one.

What can I say - the new always looks brighter, shinier, more appealing. The old is familiar, comforting, but ultimately, tired.

So what's a girl to do?