I'm cracking up

I'm cracking up

I'm crumbling from within. I've made the mistake of attempting to do too many things and now i'm paying for it. I can't concentrate on any one thing for too long, and end up neglecting too many things in the process.

My commitment to Ventures sees me helping out with the campus cafe and Conclave; Volleyball has me helping out with Waikiki, and let's not forget about my school work, These, while trying to squeeze time to meet my friends and boyfriend.

I've totally messed up my comms presentation. things that were supposed to be done never got done. My team is now screwed up in the process, and all because i didn't send in the slides in time. How ironic, seeing that the presentation is about EQ. Sylvia had to cover my ass and do some slides for me.

Moreover, i see myself canceling meetings or walking out of them earlier to go for other meetings. Just the other day, i was at NUS with Mel but cut short halfway to rush back to school to help out with Waikiki. Then it turns out that they cancelled it cos of admin problems. -_-''' Later, i walked out of LTB meeting cos i had to go meet a couple of VCs, in the process also missing volleyball training. That was followed with a Conclave meeting, which i walked out of to go down to my LTB beneficiary.

I feel so lost and out of focus. My homework is piling up, i haven't studied for tests, and i snapped at Fadz yesterday, for being so indecisive, that i felt he was wasting my time. And this coming after not being able to see him for so long, after missing him so much, and then i have to go be so mean.

What am i supposed to do now? I know i will get through this, and emerge stronger (hopefully). But at what cost?

Cut Off My Nose

Cut Off My Nose

The flu is back with a vengence. My eyes are watering and my noise is so irritated i feel the urge to sneeze every 2 minutes. I'm experiencing chills and hot flashes alternately, and all this is happening during TWC class. Great.

The air-con is killing me and my noise, and yet i'm sweating cold sweat. My eyes looked like i've been punched, and i'm sooo miserable...

Bleah. And to think i still have project meetings, and various pressing Ventures events that i have to attend to. I think my body system is breaking down. Help!

TaufikTaufikTaufikTaufikTaufikTaufikTaufikTaufik

TaufikTaufikTaufikTaufikTaufikTaufikTaufikTaufikTaufikTaufik!!!!

Lol, the title says it all. Taufik was in SMU! and i was like less than 50m away from him!!! Those eyes! Those lips! That voice! Damn, but he was sexy!

TaufikTaufikTaufikTaufikTaufikTaufikTaufikTaufikTaufikTaufikTaufikTaufik!!!

I went absolutely ballistic when he appeared. It's been a long time since i last hollered my love and devotion to some stranger, but it was fun! i was screaming so loudly the guy in front of my went deaf! and i was jumping up and down and asking him to marry me! Hahaha, so much for dignified uni student.

TaufikTaufikTaufikTaufikTaufikTaufikTaufikTaufikTaufikTaufikTaufikTaufik!!!

A meeting with old friends

A meeting with old friends

I was absolutely bored stiff today. Bored enough to go around asking people to go out with me. If you know me, it doesn't happen often. Usually, i wait for people to ask me out, otherwise i'm stagnating at home. So when i do the asking, it's probably because i'm really desperate.

I first messaged Kristin, Shawn, Desheng and Sylvia. Kristin and Sylvia were holed up in school preparing for Patron's Day. sigh. Then Shawn had a previous appointment. But at least he declined my offer politely. And dear ol' Desheng. He was willing to go out with me, but since i don't know him well enough, i casually mentioned that it would only be me and him, ie it's kinda funny if only the two of us met up. He was sweet enough to go around asking other people, but no dice. Oh well, good friend, good friend.

Wallowing in self-pity, it dawned on me that i had a group of most dependable friends: my dear ol' KB gang. Called them up, and we were set to go out, albeit at Lot 1. It's been a long time since i last met them. It's incredibly comforting being around people whom you've known for so long; where it doesn't matter what you wear, what you say, cos they'll still love you.

Ate Sakae Sushi, and it was fun catching up. We then watched Shall We Dance. I love that we can be so spontaneous and know each other well enough that we can feel absolutely comfortable even though we're in a dark theatre not talking.

My dear KB gang, what will i do without you? Sigh, i've been known to neglect them once in a while, but when it comes down to the crunch, they're the same people who knew me when i was sobbing on their shoulders, or laughing most unladylike-ly.

Not Taken Seriously

Not Taken Seriously

It sucks when you're not taken seriously. It's even more bitter when you don't get any recognition. Let me explain my rage...

With regards to the varsity cafe that JS is proposing, i've tossed some ideas around. One of them (which i vehemently supported) was to become a cafe and events management entity. I spoke to JS about it, voiced my opinions, and he agreed. Few days later, he talks to Desai (faculty adviser) and the prof says the same thing. He then publicly announces the conversation that he had with Desai and credits all the ideas to him. End of story.

Next grouse: I suggested that it is most profitable to outsource the cafe to NYDC. It's a place that people can identify with, especially the younger crowd. Makes more sense than trying to hire the kitchen crew from scratch. I suggested NYDC. Any mention that i helped? No. I'm made out to seem as if i'm not doing anything, or perhaps i'm just riding on this project as a ghost helper.

It's aggrevating; really, it is. I so wanted to help, but JS always seems to dismiss my thoughts and ideas as if they didn't matter. Moreover, when i volunteer to go meet people with him, he tells me it doesn't matter and that i don't have to be there. Then he turns around and asks if there are people free to meet up. Aarghhhh....

It makes me sick to the stomach. I hate it when people don't take me seriously, especially when it comes to business. When i do speak, i mean what i say. So if you're asking for an opinion, you better shut up and listen. Otherwise, why would i even bother?

It's Time To Get Fat

It's Time To Get Fat

Spent the day at the boyfriend's house stuffing my face. Damn, but his mum cooks well. So in between the eating of really yummy Malay food, we made a run to the petrol kiosk for some Ben and Jerry's ice cream. Did i mention all the other junk food i consumed?

Oh god, i think i overcompensated the morning jog. See, exercise just makes you eat more. I go for a half hour jog, and end up eating twice as much. tsk tsk...

Spent the rest of the time there entertaining his crazy 5-year old cousin. that psycho kid is perpetual motion and a perv in the making. he kept grabbing everyone's crotch when faced with disagreement. hahaha...

down with a semi-flu now. can hardly breathe. i think the boyfriend passed it to me. Note to self: avoid tongue-hockey when a party is not well. Ahh, how sweet the suffering it....

Picture Time

Picture Time!

Yup, i've finally gotten my lazy ass going and have uploaded a couple of pictures. Urgh. i hate how i look in some of them.

Me with the girls of the office



New Year Celebration at East Coast with Paavo, Fadz and 12/02

My Finnish pal, Paavo. He likes stroking that grotty beard of his.

Moving on to more interesting things, i've bought all my CNY clothes and shoes! I'm in love with this shop in Holland V, it's called Inphinity. Bought most of the things from that shop.

ok, that's all for now... ciao!

Please Shoot Me

Please Shoot Me

I'm stuck in my FA class typing this. The prof is too much, way too much. He gives boring and monotony a new meaning. And the thing that takes the cake is that his powerpoint slides are from a cd that comes with the textbook. Like everyone says, he's the textbook come to life. Sigh.

I'm so bored. Am being dragged down to Yishun to check out the childcare centre for our LTB project. Sigh. Bloody Yishun. Godforsaken place. It's gonna take me forever to get home. Morever, i will have to jostle with the merciless going home crowd. I hate Mondays.

Had my comms individual presentation this morning. I don't think i did exceptionally well; my speech was peppered with occasional silence as i tried to scramble for my notes, all the while screaming "Shit! I'm screwed!" inside my heart. Sigh. But the Prof said i did okay. So well. At least sleeping late didn't go to waste.

Have another hour of FA to go through. The lesson is a snooze-fest. You see everyone's expression glazing over, or else no one is paying attention. Big surprise.

Bored

Bored

Aarrgggghhh. I'm bored stiff, and that's in addition to being stiff all over. Had volleyball training on Friday. I'm sooo out of shape it's sickening. I ache in so many places all i want to do is roll around on my bed and die. Haha, what a depressing thought. Went for dinner with my JC friends after training... went to Pizza Hut (again! went there with Syl, Kris and Ying Wen on Thursday!). I'm not gonna eat Pizza Hut for a long long time...

Went shopping with the boyfriend yesterday. Bought all my CNY clothes. Might post pictures if i have the energy, but it's just too much effort. haha, i'm such a lazy slob.....

Attempting to do homework now... i just CAN'T concentrate! What is wrong with me???? Hence this update, even though i have nothing interesting to report... Just trying to waste time. I'm in sooo much trouble... how the hell am i gonna get all the work done????

Watching the Singapore vs Indonesia match later at HOME. failed to get tickets due to procrastination. *pout* didn't get to go out due to homework commitments. yyeeeuugghsss..... someone kick me in the ass to start the motor!!!!!!!!

The Irony Spilleth Over

The Irony Spilleth Over

The greatest tragedy of my life has occurred; i've just been called a bimbo by a person who personifies himbo-ness and whose thoughts are never far from the next girl he can shag and dump. Mark called me a bimbo while we were having lunch, and he meant it. The knife has never dugged deeper into my heart.

I literally saw red when he dared to mouth the unholy word, made even unholier from that unclean mouth. I wanted to cause so much bodily hurt to him that Sylvia was alarmed. Of course, she was also amused, but alarmed nonetheless. All i could think of was, "How dare that himbo call ME a bimbo!? With what capacity is he fit to name and judge ME?" The sheer audacity of his language caused me to think of all the different ways i could dismember his huge, ugly chunk of humanity gone wrong.

Urgh. Sometimes, i wonder why i even bother. I was complaining to Aldric over msn and all he could do was snort and offer a bit of sympathy. Really. Definitely, some people have called me a bimbo before, but always in jest. (i hope) Unfortunately, coming from King Dickhead himself, the insult went much deeper. It practically hit me in the gut and bowled me over. Yes, i'm that offended. And to think that i have to deal with that creep who carries condoms in his wallet and puts pictures of women he surreptiously takes on his computer screen, for the rest of the semester. God bless my soul. (and brain from being close to a mindnumbingly-stupid jackass)

I'm sick, sick, sick

I'm sick, sick, sick

Aargh, someone save me. i came down with a mysterious illness on tuesday and i'm suffering it's after-effects.

it all began on tuesday morning, when my tummy started to feel weird during my stats class. maybe it was brought upon by the incessant droning of the prof, but whatever the case, i dashed to the toilet and crapped my life out.

i got progressively worse during the lesson, culminating in me dashing into a cab and heading straight for home. been alternatedly sleeping and having bouts of diarrhoea. urgh.

but the worse had yet to come. i puked at 4am this morning. i basically sat on the toilet floor, willing myself to heave something out, if only to make the bloatedness go away. i sure did heave after a while; but since all i had for that day was an apple, my stomach contracted severely before the little bits of apple came out. not nice at all.

have to go to school tomorrow. and then to work. not looking forward to it at all. i still feel incredibly weak, probably due to the lack of eating and all that shitting. urgh. but always be positive, hence the one bright spark of this whole fiasco is that i'm losing weight. hah.

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year

2004 ended on a sad note. the tsunamis created a lot of misery and suffering, and i can't help but feel guilty that i'm so unaffected by it all. however, 2005 is beginning with the world showing each other just what humanity is all about. that brings with it a spark of hope that maybe the world isn't that messed up and apathetic after all.

spent new year's eve with my jc classmates, fadz and paavo. weird combination eh? people i used to not know well, someone i barely even know, and the love of my life. it's interesting to see my ex-classmates again; we seem to have grown closer through the lack of contact. haha, like we seem to get along better from not seeing each other every day.

we spent the day playing frisbee, cycling (in the rain!) and just hanging out in edwin's 10-men tent. the rain dampened things a little, but nonetheless, it was pretty fun.

at 12 midnight, the ships docked in the bay of singapore lined up and fired their flares. the sky was alit with all the bright red flares, traditionally a signal for help. but that night, the flares seemed to symbol hope; hope that everything was going to be alright after all.