Ding Dong The Bitch Is Dead

Hoho, remember when I was screaming my lungs out over the office bitch? Well, well, well, what comes around, goes around. Apparently, the head boss (my actual boss) doesn't like her either. And so on Friday (I was blissfully away on leave), Rashidah (the bitch) was informally told to get lost. Well, probably more polite than that. In any case, she is only a permanent temp stuff (is there such a thing???) and she wasn't doing a good enough job. So bye bye bitch. My head boss even has someone else in the wings waiting to replace her already. Ah, how the mighty have fallen.

I did express some sympathy for her. No, I'm not a two-faced bitch, I'm just a soft-hearted bitch. Even though she took me as her personal slave, you can't help but pity her somewhat that she was treated this way. To be treated so callously. Ouch, man, ouch.

My head boss is another 2-faced bitch. Asshole. After working for 1 1/2 months under her, she suddenly decides that it's important to know what I've been doing and unceremoniously asked me to list out what I have done so far. How many hours a day, how many FREAKING DATA ENTRIES I KEYED.

Eh fucking bitch, you think I can be bothered to remember ah? After a while everything looks the same. You think I'm so free to go and count how fast I type meh? Siao. Bo Liao. EeEuuugggghhhhhhhhssss. And you make me man the bloody phone line after the ticking time bomb you dropped on the students. You ask me to tell you how many calls I made in how many hours. Oy stupid, it's the people calling in can, not the other way! You think it's fun to be yelled at for 6 hours straight over the ineptitude and incompetency of the school administration which I am not even part of! You think it's nice to be nagged at for 10 minutes and miss 86 calls in the process then have to do call back???? Bitch.

So I anyhow did it. Not happy ah? Fire me lah. Big deal. I'm quitting soon anyway. Not responsible? Can't find replacement? Go shit yourself. As if I care.

Fadz finally got a new phone! Ahh, I think I was more excited than him. I'm so glad he has finally decided to replace his lao pok, no MMS, no colour, no poly ringtone phone. It was a bloody Nokia 8250 lah! I had that in Sec 2! Yeah, so he now has a Nokia 6610i. Not terribly advanced, but a big leap. And haha! It has camera function! Guess whose face you would see more of... :P

Memories For The Old Age

Wahaha, so exciting! My first blog entry on my spanking brand new laptop! The gloriously small and ultra light IBM X-41! For those of you who knew its predecessor, the monster of an ACER laptop, you would understand why I'm so crazy over my new laptop! And I'm naming it... Princess!

What an absolutely fun weekend. Met up with old friends, caught up on the gossip, and basically indulged in socialising, socialising and more socialising. Haven't done that in a long, long while. Well, at least not socialising that did not involve the boyfriend. A nice change indeed, even though I wish Fadz knew my friends better. Back in AJ, I knew his entire class, and he sort of knew mine. But now, I don't even know who his army buddies are, and he only knows my SMU friends on a face basis. Oh well, another problem for another day.

First up: Pictures from my dinner with the 12/02 peeps. Who turned up? As usual, I spent most of the time dissing Edwin, cos he's just too easy a target. Almost takes away the fun. I also had fun poking Meng Loon in all his silliness.

Group shot!

Meet the food from Out of the Pan at Raffles City. I love the crepes. They are so delicious they border on sin.

Yummy, yummy, tomato crepe stuffed with smoked ham

Me, 3rd sergeant Meng Loon, Jing Xian, psycho commando Edwin

Me and Hui Min (she wanted me to go to a ButchHunt to support her girlfriend!)

Fastforwarding to Saturday evening. After putting in the requisite hours for OCBC, i rushed home to get ready for the Bukit Panjang 45th Anniversary Dinner! So exciting! A time to see who has made it, who hasn't, who looks better, and who looks best with a bag over the head. LOL, to see and say hi to people who once made a difference in my life, be it by making me laugh, cry, or even smile. It was definitely poignant and seeing the old school brought a lump to my throat. I love BP so much it's unbelievable. The school gave my some of the best memories of my life, and everywhere I turned, old snatches of events would replay in my mind. My best friends were made in BP, my heart was first broken in BP, my face was smashed in BP by a volleyball.. so many, many wonderful (?) memories. But that night was one to creat memories too. The only mar to the whole night was that stupid, thick-skinned MING Xin joined our class for the dinner. Oy, imposter, extra, you're not part of the class. You sit there with no one talking to you, very exciting meh? Cheah...

Posing for the camera before stepping out of the house. I'm vain, so what? Put in so much effort to go to a hot field, must take a photo before the makeup is destroyed. I happen to LIKE this photo.

My beloved volleyball girls on our beloved volleyball court!

The 206 classroom where I used to run havoc and amok! Ahhh.. those were the days of stupidity and blissful ignorance to the nth degree...

I was stuck between Goh too-much-eyeliner Hui Yee and Er Chee-Ko-Pek Siong Chie. Yeah. How fun. I also know.

The closest I got to the GOH, SM Goh Chok Tong - Seeing him on the big screen. And yes, the vultures known as the reporters harrassed the poor man the whole night regarding the NKF saga...

I couldn't resist! Muahaha, introducing the No. 1 and No. 2 (shuai ges) of my class. Although No. 2 looks like an ape here. He really did look a lot better in person. Honest. (Left: Wei Yi. Right: Kai Jie)

Of course I had to pose with the infamous Wong Jun Jie. Looks like an Ah Pek right??? Somemore still dare to ask me to sit on his lap. Box him ah!

Other highlights of the evening: Mrs Doreen Soh getting the long service award for 32 years of teaching. Mr Sim Hai Sha got his for 38 years, the longest serving teacher in BP. When he went on stage, old and young ex-pupils of his stood up and gave him a thunderous ovation. We truly love that grandaddy of ours. It was such a great moment to see all his old, old pupils cheering him on. Sniff. Almost makes me want to be a teacher. Almost.

But I believe the best moment came when we all stood up to sing the school song. AJ's school song - who gives a fuck? But BP? We remember it word for word. Both the English and Chinese version. And even the old, old pupils were singing the Chinese version. It was really heartwarming.

Of course, that wonderful moment had to be spoiled by stupid, enthusiastic ex-councilors who burst out into the BP Rap. Haiz... And yes, I did cheer along.. I can't help it.. It came out before I could stop it.. It was all that brainwashing and training, I swear!!

Yeah, his fault. Bleah...

Haha, I was in top cheesy grin form. See you all in 5 years time!

Reconnection

The worse thing about dating an NSF (aside from the fact that you can only see your boyfriend on weekends) is that gradually, you find yourself losing touch with your friends. As weekends are the only time I can meet Fadz, I tend to schedule my weekends so that I can spend maximum quality time with him. I've been comforting myself with the idea that hey, since my girlfriends aren't stuck in camp on weekdays, I can always catch up with them then. But it's not that simple. Most people are either dead tired from working or studying that evenings are usually not a great option to go out. So how do I meet my friends who can only spare the weekends? I don't.

If I'm lucky (or not so lucky, depending on how you view it), Fadz gets stuck in camp doing duty and then I see myself scrambling to schedule some appointment with my dearest friends. Frankly, it's unfair to my friends, whom I suspect hold the grudge of being second in importance. But I am really trying my best! Please be understanding... And I know it's tough on Fadz too. He wants to spend more time with me, hence alienating his old friends. I can't remember the last time he went out with his RI friends. I doubt he even calls them anymore. He doesn't want to hang out with his army buddies. Like he says, "Why the heck would I want to see them during my off days when I see them all week?" But I know he misses male companionship (non-army related) and I wish I could be more understanding and encourage him to go out with him males buddies, but I can't; I'm too selfish. If we want this relationship to survive this stinkhole called ARMY, spending time together is vital. They often say absence makes the heart grow fonder. Let's not forget the other saying: out of sight, out of mind.

But moving on to a more pleasant thought, these 2 weeks are a time for reconnecting with those I have neglected. Attended Becky's birthday party on Sunday. Ok, so they are not officially close friends of mine, seeing how it's an association thing (I'm Fadz's girlfriend hence they became my friends too), but it's still nice to see them. I'm glad I'm not treated like some outsider; they talk and laugh and joke with me, plan vacations and holidays, and of course, catch up on the latest gossip. There's nothing worse then going to a party and being left alone to twiddle your thumbs.

But they're not the only people I'm catching up with, check out my upcoming week's schedule:

Monday: Work (RP, 9am - 6pm) :: OCBC Meeting (OCBC, 7pm)

Tuesday: Work (RP, 9am - 6pm) :: OCBC Meeting (SMU, 7pm)

Wednesday: Work (RP, 9am - 6pm) :: OCBC Meeting (tentative) OR Meeting Li Wern & Pris

Thursday: Work (RP, 9am - 6pm) :: Meeting 12/02 classmates (City Hall, 7pm)

Friday: Work (RP, 9am - 6pm) :: Meeting Fadz (tentative)

Saturday: OCBC Meeting (SMU, morning - afternoon) :: BP Anniversary Dinner (BP, 7pm)

Sunday: Fadz, Fadz, Fadz

Wah, it's exhuasting just typing it. But it'd be fun doing all that socialising. Eh KB Gang, when are we meeting up???? Let's go KTV, baby!

Oh yeah, Jun Jie got me a last minute ticket to the BP Anniversary Dinner... erm, I've decided to go. Would be nice to see all those idiots again. I'll take lotsa photos k?

Hai, I hope OCBC pays me soon. Would be nice to have some extra moolah. They keep hedging on the pay issue. I'm getting truly, truly, pissed off at those buggers. Talk about unprofessionalism. Salad is visibly the most upset, Crotch is mildly concerned, and Jolly is still trying to play the nice man and listen to all sides and sit on the fence and have no opinion of his own. Well baby, perhaps it's time you started to think about your own welfare and act like a Project Manager. Your team mates are about to revolt, yeah.

And the guy from OCBC, let's call him Mr Ratface, keeps sweet talking us and telling us that he will get this issue sorted out ASAP. Eh hello, bloody fool, you said that same sentence a month ago. So much for being the "ACTION" man. In the end, still execute the NATO policy: No action, talk only. You are asking for faith in your ability to do what you say. Eh, this is not some freaking religion; this is business. I don't believe in faith, I believe in trust. Faith requires you to believe in something unproven and unknown. Trust involves KNOWING you can believe and have reason to believe. I have neither for you right now, Ratface. And I'm fast losing RESPECT as well.

Show Me The Money, Baby!

Singaporeans Ain't That Bad After All

Sometimes, a few events can shame you into thinking that you're a horrible and uncourteous person. But at the same time, it makes you realise that there are good people out there.

I'm not the nicest person in the world. Quite far from it. Ok, occasionally I give up seats to old people on the train, and pick things up for people, but that's pretty much it. And if I'm in a foul mood or just too damn lazy, I won't even bother to get up from my seat. Damn my screaming conscience and all.

But then you witness some events that make you want to be a better person. Or at least believe that eventually, you'd become that nice too.

I was on my way home from my facial and basically, I was awed by the seemingly simple, yet kind gestures of some Singaporeans (well, at least I'm assuming that they're Singaporeans). This elderly uncle gave up his seat to this harrassed father who was carrying a sleeping toddler. The father was so tired that he prompted fell asleep after settling down.

One seat was dirty and people just shunned away from it or walked to another seat. This man attempted to sit down, but only on the peripheral and hence took up 2 seats. This nice Indian lady from the opposite row took out a packet of tissue and passed it to the man to wipe the dirt away. Once comfortable, the man then gave up his seat to this elderly woman.

But the cutest moment had to be was when a seat freed up in the row, 4 people shifted one seat to the left so that 2 friends could sit side by side.

I know these gestures may not seem earth-shatteringly significant, but if I was on the receiving end, I think it would have made my day. :)

So to all the detractors out there, Singaporeans aren't that apathetic after all. Sure, you read stories about people copying down the license plates of vehicles in an accident, or of adults shielding their vision and nonchalantly looking away as an old man struggles on a crowded bus. But there are so many stories that don't make it to the front newspaper that are nonetheless equally important. To such nice Samaritans, I salute you.

By the way, have you ever wondered why nobody smokes on the train? Don't tell me it's an obvious question, because really, it's not. People still eat and drink on the train. Why not smoke? Seriously, if you saw someone smoking, would you walk up to him and tell him to stop? Very few would. But surprisingly, people automatically obey the law. If you were on the New York sub, you would see people eating burgers and some are even smoking. I know, I've seen it. But here in Singapore, even the angmohs and potheads obey the law dilligently. Is it something in the air that makes people afraid to break the law in Singapore? Or is our "FINE EVERYTHING" stance so terror-inducing that all who walk this country automatically bow to this greatness?

Oh well, it's really to our benefit. At least when I walk into the train, I know I won't be greeted by that pungent and choking smell of cigarette smoke. LOL, oy friends of mine who smoke, I won't object, but doesn't mean I have to like it either. Second hand smoke isn't my idea of a fun night.

If only there could be a law against BO in public transport.

New Blog Skin!

LOL, got a break from data entry hell today. Am helping out another colleague. But it turns out to be an easy assignment: I get to sit around all day and not do anything except hand out forms to students. I even get to use my laptop.

Ahhh... Peace. Serenity. And so, I found time to change my blogskin, in between the twiddling of thumbs and all. Like it? Like it? Very girly, right? Haha, to all those people who can't stand purple or girly pictures, bugger off. This skin reflects my whimsical and feminine style. Haha, don't puke at the screen.

Sianz man, haven't seen the Fadz man for 2 weeks. He's stuck in camp for some stupid nation standby. I think I might be suffering from withdrawal symptoms. Urgh, I'm such a wuss.

I'm soooo glad that it's finally Friday! Oh gosh, this was seriously the week from hell. So many shitty things happened to me that I was convinced I was suffering from bad karma. I shall now perservere to not kill gross insects (except crockroaches - they don't count) and be nicer to people so that my good karma goes up a notch.

Yeah right.

Hello, it's me. Not bitch about poor working conditions and stupid, incompetent people? Wait long long lah. Oh shit, I am so going to suffer for that comment. What next? Fall down a flight of stairs? Slip on a banana peel? Oh well. :)

Can't wait for this Sunday! Can finally throw my arms around my chocolate-skinned darling and french him into insensibility. LOL, yes, my withdrawal symptoms are that bad. So there. Ok, shall not gross you out with further details.

Besides, Sunday also marks Becky's birthday celebration - Fadz's classmate in AJ. For some reason, I became closer to his classmates than mine. Classic case of relationship over friendship. You know how you enter a relationship and his friends become your friends? I remember sitting with his class instead of mine during common lectures so that I could be with him. Breaks, lunch, outings and gatherings, I would end up hanging out with his friends. No big wonder I wasn't close to my own classmates. Oh well. At least now they still call me up occasionally to go out. And, I will have my spies when Fadz enters NUS. hiak hiak hiak.

And the celebration is a potluck style dinner. Which means I have to cook. Hey Mandy, does teriyaki chicken sound ok?

In case you're wondering if I'm some domestic goddess and can cook up some exotic Lebanese dish, I can't alright. Whether food turns out ok, it depends on your luck. So no gaurantee there.

Ok, now back to aimless surfing.

Salvation.. When Will It Come?

Oh. My. God. Someone PLEASE save me from minimum wage and data entry hell. I'm burning! I'm burning!

In case you haven't guessed, I HATE MY JOB. Yes, I absolutely hate it. There is only so much data entry I can take before I'm thinking of killing myself. And since I'm on the 7th floor, there's a good chance that I'd die instead of just maiming myself if I choose to jump.

So why am I so miserable? Well, you would be too if you're treated like the fucking slave of the entire department. Couple that with being the personal laptop of a certain someone, and you might just understand what I'm going through.

Need a recap? I'm doing admin at Republic Poly, which, by the way, is one fucked up, screwed up, damn piece of inefficient shit. Aaarrrggggghhh!!!!!

So here I've been for over a month, typing away at my stupid computer, data entry after data entry after data entry. Occasionally, the RP phone would ring and I would have to spend 15 minutes listening to people yell or scold me for DARING to inform them that their child's school fees are way overdued and blah blah blah. That is still sort of tolerable. I can make faces and curse them in my heart.

But what really, really gets my goat is that I'm chained to this woman called Rashidah. She's the perm Admin Associate at my department and basically does what I do, just full-time (*snort*). But she's a piece of work, man. She equates my presence as the chance to milk me of all my energy and make me do all sorts of piddling jobs.

Joanne, can you go down and get the mail?

Joanne, can you go upstairs and get this signed?

Joanne, can you call this person and get his full name?

Joanne, can you insert this paper into the printer? Stay there, stay, collect the printout... great!

Joanne, can you rub my foot? Kiss my ass? Spit on your damn face!!!!!

Yes, I am full of rage. And my working conditions have only deteriorated. After being made to move desks once when a new perm staff came, I was kicked out of my second desk because another new perm staff was added a week later. So where did I go? I didn't mind sitting at the conference table. Whatever. But nooooo, Rashidah had to insist that I share her table with her, so that I can COMFORTABLY sit next to her and work. The fucking table is too small lah! And your bloody chair keeps knocking into mine whenever you turn around!

So now that I'm literally chained to her, she fires commands at me whenever she needs something done. And because she's so inefficient and lazy and gross, she can't get off her chair to do something as simple as get the RP official letterheads from another colleague 2 steps away.

You tell me, how not to get angry? On top of everything I have to deal with, she thinks that I'm a blinding idiot. Just because I'm not careful doesn't mean I'm stupid! And the thing is, I admit, I was careless and not meticulous while doing the mountain of data entry (duh, I was falling asleep). So I told Rashidah and said that I would double check everything again. She rolled her eyes and said whatever. Then she looked closer at the screen and discovered a mistake. A fatal one. One that occurred even before I did anything. And of course, she pushed the blame to another department. So if I did not own up to my mistake you would not have discovered that error which was worse! At least I had the guts to admit what I did wrong! How bout you, you COWARD! So now I have to redo everything. And she had the cheek to tell me that I should break up the work into little pieces so that "I wouln't get confused". And when I was keeping the paper and put everything together, her 2 stupid brows furrowed and she dared to innocently say, "But you might get confused if you put them together." Eh asshole, not everyone has her brains stuck up her ass can. Get a FREAKING LIFE and a FREAKING BRAIN.

I think the best (or worse) part of this whole "academic" experience is that even the other perm staff can't stand her. Sucks man.

So in conclusion, I hope she stuck in stupid, low-paying admin jobs for the rest of her stupid life. I can't believe she dares to tell people that she has a double major business degree from Australia. Cheah. Very big meh?

Beware The Butt Connoisseur

Hmm, must be the hormones talking. Either that, or I'm really missing the boyfriend. He's stuck in his stupid camp these 2 weeks for a stupid standby for the stupid IOC meeting in Singapore. Anyway, I've been feeling peckish lately; caught myself checking out this guy's butt the other day. All nice and perky, covered up with a pair of delectable and nice fitting white bermudas. Of course, the fact that he had a nice face and a nice body overall helped a lot. Okay, I'm digressing. Actually, not really. This whole entry is going to be well, about boys. Or more accurately, my changing preferences in men.

Long ago, back in good ol' Bukit Panjang, I had a taste for the more effeminate and less er, rugged. Think Bai Zhan Ji (White Chicken). I remember liking this guy from choir (!!!! Already a danger signal for faggoty fags!!!!) who was all soft and fair (of course, he had a nice baritone which was quite sexy). For those of you who knew me back in Sec One and remember how white I was, I think this guy could have matched me in the fairness department. Unfortunately, I can't remember his name now to include in my Hall of (Liking) Shame. Let's just call him.. The Jap Wannabe Gay Guy.

Sec Two: I started to play hardcore volleyball and let's just say the volleyball guys were the few better looking folks in BP. And guess who I would lust after? Hanxiong and Zee Kiong. So what were so special and distinguishing about them? Nothing. Except that they were both very fair, slight of built (but tall enough, thankfully) and played volleyball very well (damn big turn-on can!). Hanxiong was the worse of the 2: he had the smoothest legs I've ever seen, on a guy or girl. Zee Kiong, fortunately, was born with a little more dignity and had hairy legs. *smirk*

I think I truly degenerated in Sec Three. Ahh, thinking back on the whole Bill Lee saga, I feel more than a twange of shame. For this was the one truly big twerp who (I strongly suspect) turned me off Chinese men once and for all. He was this fair, nubile young thing, played trumbone in the school band, and was also a fellow councillor. He turned out to be a complete bastard. Going into the same class but not knowing anyone, I suppose he thought that by banding with me, he would at least save himself from complete ignomity (I knew most of my classmates from previous years). He truly played me like an idiot. He would call me up every night, say sweet things to me, basically did things that I now see were designed to make me fall for him. Very, very cruel. And because of him, I nearly came to blows with a dear ol friend of mine (Jun Jie), who thought that I was the blindest fool in the world for liking Bill. Sadly, I never saw it coming. After getting bored with me and since the class boys weren't letting him in as part of the group simply because he was my good friend, he deserted me. He chased the other girls in the class and tried to play them too. But I think only I was the biggest fool to fall for him. I don't remember breaking down into tears. I don't remember being particularly upset. I only remember wanting revenge and hating him for using me so callously. And so I systematically worked to destroy his life and reputation in BP. Ah yes, a vindictive and spurned woman at her best.

And so ended my love affair with Chinese men. I'm just glad that Bill didn't cause me to turn into a lesbian. :)

Moving on to AJ, my feelings were still a bit raw from the whole Bill thing (it took me 2 years to recover completely) and I wasn't exactly looking for a relationship. But who knew? Along came Fadz who healed me emotionally. Of course, I was hesitant in the beginning and even tried to deny any feelings. Mainly because I was afraid that I was jumping to the same conclusion as I did with Bill. Fadz called me every night. He did little things that made my heart flutter. The similarities were almost uncanny. Thankfully, thankfully, thankfully, he turned out to be who he is. Simply great. I'm not saying he's perfect (he did almost crush my heart to pieces when we broke up for a while), but we're still together 3 years later, and I still love him with enough intensity to have a smile on my face whenever I think of him. :)

But what was equally significant was my changeover to checking out Malay guys. I don't know when it happened, but it did. Hello, does anyone remember when I went ballastic over Taufik? I thought he was hot as hell and those long eyelashes nearly drove me nuts. Gosh, that was really crazy. And remember the student I mentioned at the start of this entry? Well, he was Malay too. Hahahaha... I just feel that the Muds know how to dress and act with more style.. Call it poser or whatever, but some of them are seriously hot, hot, hot!

So the point is this... From nubile, fair and androgynous Chinese boys, I've developed a taste for chocolate skinned, nicely toned Malay guys (with gorgeous perky butts in nice fitting jeans). Hehehe... I'm so terrible. But if any girl ever wants to join me in a nice afternoon admiring the finest dark skinned butts in Singapore (not too optimistic about the face. It's Singapore, yeah :P), you know where to find me.

A Journey Of Faith

Many people often look upon my relationship with Fadz with wonder. Not only are we of different races, but also different religion. As you know, religion can often be the missing link or wedge that brings people together, or keeps them apart. Just look at Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman (it separated them!) or Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes (she's taking up Scientology for him!).

People are always inclined to ask when they learn that I'm dating a Muslim, "You have to convert to Islam right? So are you going to convert?" I used to brush this question off with "I'm still so young" or "Why are you taking about marriage? Hahaha.." But now, I know. Actually, I've known for some time. I am going to convert. There's no question, no ifs, no buts. I simply cannot imagine not being with Fadz for the rest of my life, and if this can bring us closer together, then hey, I'm all for it.

I'm not saying that it's going to be easy. Oh no, I see the perilous future that I'm walking into; I know that I'm going to encounter much difficulty - my family, his family, society and simply the integration into a new religion and the culture. But I don't see this as a sacrifice. Who knows? Maybe if I learn to accept his God, I'd be a better person. In any case, we both know that I'm not going to be some traditional Muslim wife, all covered up and quiet and subsevient and conversative. Heck no. I'm gonna be a real modern lady who lives off her husband and goes shopping everyday. LOL.

So how did this self-reflection come about? Well, last weekend we decided to do something cultural. Having seen the publicity posters for the exhibition at the Asian Civilization Museum, I've been subtly dropping hints that it would be eye opening to go view those treasures from the Vatican. My dear sweetie then remembered those ahem, hints and hence, we ended up at the Museum, ready to embark on our Journey of Faith on a sunny Saturday afternoon.

That's another reason why I adore Fadz. He's not some deeply secular and religiously pious follower who believes that the world should only have 1 religion; he's always opened to learning and viewing other religions. LOL, when I asked if he had any concerns about viewing another religion which has tried to exterminate his on many occasions, his reply was, "Well, so have we."

Anyway, the exhibition was good. Not only did it explore Christianity, but also the other religions of Southeast Asia. What is Sikhism? What are the 10 Courts of Hell like? When is it ok for polygamy in Islam? (Cue: Punched Fadz here)

But at the end of it all, I realized that it was near impossible for me to accept that a God, any God, exists. I believe in the goodness of humanity, I believe that in times of need I turn to the people around me for guidance and advice. I believe in the society I'm in and the moral implications that I live by. I can't foresee myself praying and asking for guidance from this figurehead, this supposedly omnipotent and all-knowning Being who can deliver salvation. I can't. If so, why did God make us this way? Why are we allowed to have wars, pestilence and famine? Why are civilizations wiped out in a single day? Perhaps someday I will come to terms with this God issue, but until then, I'm just glad that Fadz isn't persistently pushing me to accept his God. I'm just not ready. The Malay culture, the morality and issues surrounding Islam, the lessons and rules that guide a Muslim, yes, those I can understand. But to offer prayer, tell your problems, seek advice and strength from Allah? I need more time.

After that exhibition (I was seriously spooked by this gigantic, 20 feet-tall painting of an Angel), we emerged into the bright and blistering hot sun to see this group of students with lots of chalk. Turned out to be part of the Singapore Arts Festival where passerbys are invited to draw grafitti on the walkways of Clark Quay. So in case you ever walk to that area and happen to sit down on a bench near Sir Stamford Raffles, who know, maybe you'd find pictures of a pink and white name "Joanne" and the Singapore Flag with the words"SAF - Serve and F*ck Off" next to it.

Haha, ahhh, so much art and culture. How can I bear it?

Draw Out Your Swords To Draw Some Blood

I can't believe that bidding for classes has brought out so much bad blood. Reading the blogs of various individuals, all there seems to be is hurt, betrayal and much, much anger. But I suppose you need to be in the situation to know how these people feel.

I guess it all began with an email sent out to a selected few. This guy wanted to form alliances with people he knew he could count on. Without really knowing what his true intentions are, one can only speculate the meaning behind his email. Is he trying to surround himself with people he knows he can work well with? Is he quickly forming the "perfect" group for projects? Or is his claim of merely wanting to have a group of people to study with, true? If so, why leave out so many names whom you've worked with before?

I dunno. When I first saw the email, I was like, oh ok, bidding soon. I even emailed everyone back telling them the courses I wanted to take. I really didn't know what the implications were then. Does that make me an accomplice by tacit agreement because I didn't ask about his intentions, and even replied? Because in the end, I didn't bid for a single class with him. I never really had that intention, anyway. Way back in the last semester, Kristin, Sylvia and I had agreed to bid for the same courses, and by silent agreement, we would be in the same group. Kristin and I are even doing the same major. By telling those people on that selected email what I had planned to take (which turned out different from what I did eventually bid for), I just wanted to see if anyone else was taking the same courses.

But you see, people on that list included more people into the mailing list and soon, the frenzy began. People were hurt that they weren't in the original list, they felt backstabbed that alliances were being formed during the holidays, and so on. Soon, there began a political debate of grades versus friendship. I mean, are Singaporeans really that kiasu?? Everything is about the bell curve, bell curve and more fucking bell curve. Hello, if you are so insecure, then don't bid for the same classes. Moreover, forming alliances is an old secret at SMU. After all, after doing projects together, you would know who you can click with and who you can't.

I'm with Sylvia and Kristin because they are my good friends and we bounce off each other well. That's all. It's not about the grades (of course we compare, but we're not about to attack each other, yeah), it's simply because it's just nice to have friends around. Want to call it an alliance? Up to you.

I don't know why I wrote this entry. Perhaps because I read the blogs of my friends and saw how affected they were and want to provide some reason for the choices I made? A couple of people came up to me and asked if I wanted to form groups. That was a commitment I couldn't make because I already had a group. Also, I didn't know what classes I was taking. Yes, I did initally have a plan. But eventually, that was all scrapped because Sylvia and Kristin and I officially agreed to bid together. That meant changes and things that I couldn't spend time on. I was so busy that I left all the planning to Sylvia and Kristin. In those early weeks, when people asked, all I could say was, I really dunno.

And perhaps I'm feeling some guilt. I should have scolded that original mailer. No one likes to be manipulated like that. I would understand that if he had sent out that email to 2 -3 people to form 1 group, ok, fine. But to send it to 10 people, what then? So that we can bid together as a class and form happy little groups, according to your fancy? Real life doesn't work that way, now does it?

I'm definitely seeing a lot of ugly sides. The ones who strategize for maximum personal benefit, the ones who only crave grades, and the ones who are left out. No one likes to feel left out,or not asked to be in a group. No one would like to think that, "Oh my God, if I didn't know this earlier, I could have started school without a group." All I can say is, thank God for Sylvia and Kristin and thank you girls for putting together an entirely different schedule.

Blogging Wars

The profound stupidity of some people never cease to amaze me. In case you have been hiding under a rock (or not reading the newspapers), you might have seen the article about the "Naked Blogger". Who is she? Some 19-year old chick who thought that it would be hilarious to post naked photos of herself on her blog. So what happens? Readership goes up, parents complain about porn and threaten to tear down website, Newpaper gets on the case, LianHe WanBao reports about the wrong person. Sheesh.

Ok, being one who always snoops around at blogs, I logged on to the infamous Sarong Party Girl website to see some action. All I did see was this totally messed up chick who screws Ang Moh guys (only) on a regular basis, but in the end, is scared, lonely and in need of some serious therapy.

So what makes this sega more interesting is that Newpaper decided to get a "professional" opinion about this SPG's weblog by interviewing Xiaxue, another infamous blogger. She, on the other hand, has been touted as the best Blog in Asia, and is known as a hugely funny bitch. She merely said that SPG's popularity may be due to her pictures, and perhaps her writing style may not appeal to the masses of Singaporeans as it is more formal English. (btw, her English ain't that great. LOL)

Now what? This catastrophic blowout of hate mail pouring into Xiaxue's mailbox. And surprise, surprise, most of them (or even all?) are from guys who scream at Xiaxue from being jealous of a bunch of tits. They call her ugly and stupid and an embarrassment to Singapore. Eh, hello, losers alert? Are you seriously that deprived that these nude pictures are the highlight of your pathetic life and thus you live and breathe this blog? You don't even know this Naked Blogger, what, you think by writing a bunch of hate mails to her "rival", she'd turn around and shag you?

I've long suspected that men are equally vindictive as women, but this takes it to the whole level. Defending a pair of boobs. Wow.

Checklist

I'm being shuffled around at RP. Whenever they need help, ask Joanne! Piddling, stupid, insignificant tasks... ask Joanne! Hey look, everyone! A lackey for everyone's personal use! Go ahead, don't be shy, give her work! Mega bitch...

Working at One-Stop Centre

Pros:

1) I get to bitch with the other temp, Michelle, about the miserable system we're in, namely, the RP adminstration

2) Sam is a really nice boss and he doesn't give me a lot of things to do mainly because HE'S NICE AND DOESN'T PASS US EVERY MENIAL WORK TO DO AND DOES IT HIMSELF

3) I get to surf the net all day whenever there isn't work to do without having to fear being caught

Cons:

1) I have to man the "hotline" and deal with nonsense and stupid calls

2) I have to deal with nonsense and stupid students

3) I have to deal with nonsense and stupid parents

4) Did I mention nonsense and stupid?

So what's my alternative? Freezing my ass off in the Office of Registrar, where they keep their 3 air-cons at 16 fucking degrees.

Working at Office of Registrar

Pros:

1) I'm away from the insanity called the RP helpline

2) My in-charge is always away for some meeting

3) I get silly little jobs that let me surf the net most of the time

4) It's quiet

Cons:

1) I get to do stupid jobs like clicking 1 button 900 times

2) Everyone makes me do the menial tasks that they do not

3) I have to look over my shoulder frequently to make sure that no one catches me surfing the net

4)

It's quiet

Finally! Some Pictures!

Lol, yes, I've gotten around to uploading some photos. Comprising of some random shopping I did a while back, and my latest weekend activities. Hmmm... time for some revelations...

Ahhh shoes... so comforting... so pretty to look at... but such a pain to wear. Oh gosh, Noda shoes suck big time can! Blisters galore and they get twisted out of shape when I walk. Grrr... luckily they're pretty. Lol, I'm like a man in this area. Women, never mind that they are a pain, pretty can already. See the similarity?? :)

I've always wanted nice pointy shoes... but light blue is a pain to match.

More faux snake skin! Isn't it pretty?? But my toes are numb from wearing them.. but the torture is worth it!

The weekend began as all weekends lately do - in school. Sigghhh... was working on the OCBC project again. Surprised? Please don't. Only adds to the pain. Anyway, after the meeting, a group of friends celebrated Crotch's birthday at Brewerkz. A nice enough joint, even though the beer was horrendous. Ewww... I mixed beer with a Cosmo. Bad bad choice. Kiddies, when they say don't mix beer with spirits, it's for good reason. Luckily I didn't drink a lot.

Time to meet the gang.

Birthday boy and me. Yeah, I know. Bad photography.

Salad boy and me. Beware the trash talking when he's had a drink. Or when he's with other trash talkers. I nearly died from all the rude male jokes that were flying around the table that night. I needed all the alcohol for fortification.

Group shot! I only knew 4 people in that group! Please, no racist jokes. I can just imagine... :)

Onwards to Sunday. Back at school. We really have no life huh? At least this time I had my camera to entertain myself. Jolly asked that I take candid shots, but subject to his approval. My eyeballs rolled to the back of my head. Sheesh. So here are the not-so-candid shots.

Jolly and Salad

The Crotch Man at work

Lol, I've never rejected a photo op

Celebrated Father's Day at Brewerkz (again!) Me Dad wanted to drink himself silly, but it's a little hard with your dear old wifie (cue: my mum) is glaring down your neck. The last time the father got drunk in front of the wife during a wedding, my mum took her supplementary platinum card from my dad and went shopping. Beware the huffy woman. Hahaha!

Say cheese!

Cheryl and I

Oh yeah, I was supposed to give me final proposal presentation to the head honcho of OCBC today. But that stupid guy had something on at the last minute and cancelled the presentation. To think I even took leave so that I would be fresh for the presentation! And he only informed us when we were almost there! Fume...

And when we were walking back to the MRT station, this insect suddenly attacked me on my face. It flew and landed just below my lip, and I could feel it's spindly legs POKING into my face. I screamed like mad, grabbed it and flung it into the bushes. Dammit, but I hate, hate, HATE insects. I'm going to have the heebie jeebies the whole night. I kept feeling it's legs poking me. Ewww...

Updates on my not-so-eventful-life

Spent the weekend working on the OCBC project. I'm getting seriously sick of OCBC; the constant meetings, brainstorming sessions, having to see those 3 jokers day in and day out... Burnt out, anyone? Luckily I like setting up things, otherwise I would have walked out of it. They haven't even confirmed our allowance. Darn. Free labour.

Anyway, went to Brewerkz on Saturday AND Sunday to celebrate a birthday and Father's Day. Will talk more about those celebrations when I finally upload the pictures. :)

What else did I do? Managed to squeeze in a last minute movie with Fadz (the one we were supposed to watch on our anniversary)! Batman Begins is surprisingly good. After the mega flop of Batman and Robin, I had almost given up on the franchaise. That ridiculous script! Arnold Swazzeneger (who the hell knows how to spell that!?) as My Froze, Poison Ivy! Oh gosh, even the delectable George Clooney couldn't save it from being a catastrophic movie dud.

But Batman Begins, ah, now that is a good movie. The first half is mostly peppered with psychobabble, but for once, Batman is truly protrayed as someone with a lot of vengence and doubt in himself; someone all too human and tempted with revenge instead of fighting injustice. And the cast is brilliant; aside from Katie Holmes (that bitch is engaged to Tom Cruise! It should have been me!!!). Liam Neeson is deliciously deceptive as Ra's al Ghul, one part mentor, one part uber villain. It's amazing how the story twists such that the person who trains Bruce Wayne to be one the dark side, but in the end, Bruce is the person who stands up to him. Brilliant. And Christian Bale is great at being all torn-up inside and broody. Hehe. My new hero.

My wish list is growing. I have so many wants! If some kind soul wants to make me happy, or if OCBC finally decides to be nice and pay us, here's what I'll get:

1) A Longchamp La Pilege bag

2) A pink mini IPod!!!!

3) Yves Saint Laurent foundation powder!

I have another presentation tonight. Presentation, work, presentation, work... Sianz man! I feel so boring! Work, work, work, work.... bleaaaahhhhhh.....

This Is Crazy!

Oh gosh, oh gosh, oh gosh, oh gosh! I'm so running out of energy! Between RP (yeah, they're crazy! they called me back for another week... another week...), OCBC (final presentation!!) and trying to find time for myself, I find myself melting down. Hmmm... does this sound familiar again?

RP called me back to handle their students' tuition fees. All the late payment reminders and fines and stuff. So what happens? I have to deal with irate parents. And the person who sent out the letters has such bad English! The reader doesn't even know what is going on lah! Moreover, the school screwed up and GIRO forms were not processed... bloody buggers. Parents scold and scold and yell at me, and all I can is mentally plot their demise. Muahahahahahahahaha...

So what's up with OCBC? Well, our second presentation went off not very well, because the other guys in the group were ill-prepared and tired. By the time it reached me (I was the last speaker), the audience had fallen asleep and was very irritable. So I just HAD to wake them up. I just HAD to poke that egoistic, self-centred bastard and make him listen. At the end of the whole presentation, our project head from OCBC praised my presentation style. Hooha! Score one for this lady! I did a mental victory lap... :)

So what's happening on the personal front? Mohammad Fadzli Bin Abdul Hamid has been sneakily reading my blog!! Aaarrrggghhh... to quote him, he "skims through my blog entries looking for information on himself". So he found out about the Adidas bag. Dammit lah... I should keep track of the people who come to my blog... Anyway, I then tried to find out if he would like the Adidas bag. He gave me a sheepish look, and gave a whole lot of excuses as to why he can't use the bag very often... or why he must still keep his old bag. Stupid, unfashionable fool. Haiz, so disappointing; I wanted to buy the black-pink version so that we can have matching bags. Hahahaha... so corny right?

What did I get in the end? He always say that I don't listen... So I got stuff that he mentioned needing in the past. Sigh, stuff that is mundane and FUNCTIONAL. haaaiiizzzzzz.... But if he likes it, fine.

Ah crap. I can't concentrate. No time. I'm in school doing OCBC stuff now. My group mates are looking at me for my opinions. I.CAN'T.THINK.ABOUT.TWO.THINGS.AT.THE.SAME.TIME. Darn.

And I'm sooo sleepy... I was working yesterday at RP till 6, flew down to school to meet my school mates till 9, and then I tried to meet Fadz for a 9.30pm movie, but I just couldn't heck it. No bus, no train, meeting end late... the Gods were against me. Sigh, so how did I spend my 3rd year anniversary? Eating at Al-Ameen. Sigh... How memorable.

This deep-seated weariness I'm feeling is not only physical, but also mentally exhuastive. I feel like I have no time for myself, much less my loved ones. I can't afford time to go out with my boyfriend, I can't afford to go out with my friends, I have to schedule a Father's Day dinner weeks in advance. LOL, sound so scary right?

Ok, back to focusing. Sighhhhh....

Stubborn Males

It's the oldest issue for contention between the sexes: Why does he insist on keeping his ratty stuff? And if you tell me the answer to that question is 42, I will slap you. In case you're wondering why I'm going mad, 42, according to The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy, is the answer to life, earth and the galaxy as you know it. So there. There are a lot of smart alecks around.

Anyway, I'm just despairing. Why do guys always, always like to keep their smelly, falling apart things? Like shirts, shoes, bags, whatever. It seems like a lot of males, and correct me if I'm wrong, cannot break away from some mystical bond that ties them to their old things. Even with holes, stains and strings coming apart, some things just can't be thrown away. If it was a woman, she would have marched right out and gotten something shiny and new. Sheesh.

I don't know what to get Fadz for our anniversary. I tried the old beating-around-the-bush-method and it turns out that he doesn't want what I originally planned to get him. You see, he likes to carry this cheapo, ratty sling bag he brought from the ARMY for a grand total of $7. It's black. It's made of cheap nylon. I casually poked at his bag and jokingly suggested that maybe he should get another bag. He flatly told me No and said that his current bag suited him perfectly. Dammit. There goes the beautiful oldskool Adidas bag I had my eyes on... Sigh... Gift ideas, anyone?

Muahaha, I have another pair of new shoes! I persuaded Fadz into buying them for me.. Seeing how I'm practically a pauper now, and I really, really need those Ipanema sandals for... erm.... casual wear, and seeing how my other 2 pairs of new shoes are impractical and more for work... I think he bought them just so that I would stop "persuading" him. Well, whatever works! So new shoes!

Oh gosh, I'm so bloody bored. My boss left me at my desk without any work again. Aimlessly surfing the net, as usual. Help help!

Much Needed Retail Therapy

What a great day. I'm sooooo glad something good is finally happening. It's been a long while, man. By the way, the Oriental Chicken Salad from KFC is surprisingly yummy. I think it's my new poison. Yeah, just sharing and digressing as usual.

Anyway, I had a lunch meeting with OCBC reps and Jolly this afternoon. You know, just talking and "getting to know one another". LOL, whatever lah. I tell you, the banking industry is cutthroat. Even a simple project like this sees all the department heads having a political war. So what is the team doing? Wisely staying out of the way, of course. Go shit in your own pants, you know what I mean? As long as we do our work and they acknowledge it, I'm happy.

The delightful part came later. I was at Raffles to hand in my long overdued timesheet. More money! Woohoo! And Republic Poly has called me back for another week! So more money! I can't wait. I know, I know, I said I wouldn't find another job. But then again, I got bored twiddling my thumbs and staring at the passing clouds. So, goodbye aimlessness and hello being useful!

I went a little crazy today. Being cooped up in the house, having to face "weird characters" (I'm being polite), and wading through politics... I so needed to go shopping to perk me up. I can see Shawn shaking his head already. Eh, not happy ah? I'm female, and I really believe in retail therapy. So there. :) And see? I sound happy.

Anyway, do you know that they have revamped the so-called "shopping centre" at Raffles Place MRT? Not great, but still quite a few shops to look at. I went into NODA and came out later with 2 pairs of scrumptious and gorgeous faux snake skin shoes. I love them so much!!!! Would try to upload pics of them some time soon. Anyway, I showed a lot of restrain ok! I could have bought 4 pairs, but I figured my mum might freak out. (Mum: "Siao ah! Now the house got so many shoes, so messy! How are you going to wear all of them!") Never underestimate the power of nagging to cut off desire for buying. Hiak hiak.

Met up with BB, aka Bobo, aka Mei Bao, who ended work early. Headed over to City Hall for more shopping and lunch. I bought 2 polo tees, which I feel, is a totally justified purchase. I have no clothes to wear... Besides, they are Bright Pink and Lime Green! I just luuuurrrvveee spring colours... it makes me so happy wearing bright colours. (Remember the Pantene commerical, where the stupid woman is talking about her shiny hair and she goes, "I'm shiny and I'm happy."? Haha...) Oh man, that sounded totally bimbotic. Heh.

I told myself enough was enough. Hmmm... hair accessories don't count, so I was still keeping to my promise...

And then stupid La Senza had to deck their whole shop in bring colours. How to resist? But one can never have too much underwear right? So in I walked, and came out poorer again. Haizzz... but the panties are so damn cute! And it was on sale!

So yes, as you can tell, I have very little self-restrain. But quite proud of myself already, I could have bought so many more things. Stupid Great Singapore Sale, things are so bloody affordable... just not added together.

And I saw a perfect sling bag to buy for Fadz. Will get it when my pay comes in. What's the special occasion? Wwwweeelllll... our 3rd year anniversary is coming! Oh mi gosh, 3 freaking years! Have we really been together that long? Am I really getting that old!!???? Don't answer that.

Fine, I shall stop here. Bobo complained that I gushed too much about Fadz. Huummppfffhh. Do I really? Cannot meh... passionate what.... :P

And I should stop the Singlish. Stupid Salad and Crotch always make fun of Jolly when he speaks Singlish. They are like, "...like that... HOR." or "... can or not? can LAH.." or "send to you... LIAOZ." They would add in the Singlish after a pause for added effect. Jolly, being less than sharp, let's it sail over his head. So mean right? They India Indians, by the way. So they make fun of our less-than-perfect English. *snort* So uppity for what? English very good har? Both are English colonies, and English is not our native tongue, so no need to be so yaya papaya.

Ok, the more I type the bitchier I'm getting. Need to stop. Need to cultivate niceness... Ohhmmmmm....

I've Had It With Men

I haven't ranted in a long while, especially against the not-so-fair-sex. So sit down, read all about my trials and tribulations, and join me in my quest to murder all men and only keep some for pleasure and procreation. Huummppfffhh.

As you might have already heard, I'm working on an OCBC project with 3 other guys. For convenience and confidentiality, let's call them Jolly, Crotch and Salad. Jolly is the team leader. He's jolly most of the time, but can act really foolish and immature at times. Crotch constantly scratches his crotch. During meetings, at OCBC, scratch, scratch, scratch. Like never wash his underwear in the last 20 years of his life. And Salad, he's the vegetarian of the group. But unlike the cute little herbivorious animals of nature, he is one giant dickhead.

Before I continue, let me make clear that I'm actually quite fond of these bastards, but at times, they just test my patience to the limit.

So why am I so annoyed and riled up? Because I've tried so hard to infiltrate the ranks. You know, be one of them. But no matter how hard I try, I'm forever reminded that I'm just not one of them. And frankly, I give up. I can't be bothered anymore. It's absolutely mind blowing that these people are actually educated beings, and not some ancient Neandethals.

I've tried cold logic while talking to them. Their eyes glaze over and give me this mental condescending pat, like I shouldn't strain my brain or something. I've tried to meet them as males. You know, talking cock and bullshitting. But I can't do it for long because it is absolutely meaningless and an insult to my intelligence. And what baffles me is that the only time they take me seriously is when I throw a tantrum and act all petulent, talking less sense and generally whacking them with anything available. Then they take notice and take my advice. It's amazing. Really, it is. DO YOU NEED ABUSE BEFORE YOU TAKE ME SERIOUSLY? WHAT, ARE YOU INTO S&M OR SOMETHING???

Anyway, even their behaviour is appalling. Crotch always, always scratches his crotch in front of me. No matter how hard I try to ignore it, my eyes inevitably pick up his hand moving up and down from the peripheral of my vision. Standing up, sitting down, all day, all night, scratch, scratch, scratch. Eh, hello, I'm female alright! It's downright disturbing and offensive to my sensibilities! Not as if I know you so well!

And then Salad. He's the biggest trash talking, egocentric dickhead anyone can meet. Sure, he's funny and all, but at times I just want to kill him. He accuses me of being a feminist. He admits that he's a real chauvanist. He's perverted and can only talk about food and women most of the time. Aarrrggghh, trying to hold a decent conversation with him is like trying to tell a monk God doesn't exist. In other words: it's freaking impossible.

Which brings me to Jolly. I've always thought Jolly was decent enough, although occasionally he can say the stupidiest things. Take last night, for example. We left OCBC at 9.30pm and walked around looking for a place to eat. Crotch wanted to bring us to this Indian food place at City Hall. 5 Minutes, he claimed. 15 minutes later, we were still walking. I mentioned that the place might already be closed. They ignored me. When we reached the restaurant, it was closed. I wanted to murder somebody. Then Jolly started to complain that he was so tired. And suddenly, this amazing exchange took place:

Jolly (to no one in particular): "I'm so tired. How I wish Joanne was a horse."

Me (head snapping back): "What? So that you can ride me?????"

Crotch: Collapses onto the floor gasping for breathe.

Me: Stomps off in a fury.

Jolly: Has no idea what his statement implied.

Idiots. I'm surrounding by hairy, deformed idiots. Why do I torture myself so?

I really miss having a female around. The guys simply don't get it. Like when Jolly was complaining about the long walk (sissy! what has the army bred!), I told him to quit whining. I was in heels and I wasn't saying anything. He gave me this totally blank look and said that what difference does it make? Moreover, wearing heels is a personal choice. Personal choice? Hellooo??? Corporate wear dictates that females must be in heels of at lest 1 inch. What choice?

Aaarrrgghhh. And the cherry that tops it all off. I stormed into the meeting room last night and Salad asked politely what was wrong. I huffily told him that throughout my train ride to Raffles Place, this gross guy couldn't stop staring at my boobs, even when I pointed stared back at him. And you know what Salad did? His eyes FLICKED DOWN TO AFOREMENTIONED BODY PART!!!! Would a girl act like this? Noooo, she would be comforting me for my outrage. But what does a guy do???? Huh, huh, tell me, what does a guy do????

I couldn't sleep last night because all these things were churning in my head. I want to bang my head and throw my hands up in defeat. That, or plan world domination. Muahaha...

Wish Me Luck!

I'm having heart palpitations. Tonight is my first presentation to OCBC. Even though it is only the first draft, and the people present are people whom I've come to know with some familiarity, I cannot starve this feeling of fear and anticipation.

Fear because I'm technically still on probation and this presentation may make or break me. I fear that I'm inadequate and I will fall flat on my face. I fear that I will be thrown out of this project, a project that I've come to care about and desperately want.

The anticipation is just the butterflies that flit around in my tummy before any presentation. I can't say that I'm terrified of presentations, in fact, I sometimes enjoy speaking to people and having their attention... But still... That gnawing feeling of inadequacy... Sigh... I even cut my hair for luck. Nothing like a bit of grooming to calm me down. Muahaha.. :)

I'm recovering from the most dreadful flu. I nearly freaked out my group mates when I met them yesterday night. 2 on them thought I was crying. Another jumped everything I sneezed. I refused to sneeze daintily because I was irritable and annoyed that I was in school at 8pm in the accountancy, aka ghost, block.

anyway, speaking of being in school at night, it was fun in some sense. I was waiting alone for my dad to pick me up, and there was no one around. not even the security guards. just the sound of nature all around me. i thought i would be spooked out, but it was nice just sitting there in the silence. to think that in a few months time, all this will be lost to me. the familiar zebra crossing between house 1 and the business block, the wooden benches with mysterious stains, the sheer amount of nature and darkness that seems to stretch on for miles. dear ol' bukit timah campus... good memories... good memories. and then suddenly, ginger the school cat leaped onto the table and settled down next to me. she's so adorable in all her rat-chasing ferociousness. although it's sad that I won't be seeing her in the new campus, at least i know she'd live out her days in relative comfort.

oh yeah, i'm rediscovering my love for chocolate. it is truly the best lover any girl can have. sweet, smooth, coating the tongue in chocolatey tenderness... sighh... i kept eating chocolate throughout my flu misery. how comforting. it doesn't ask questions. it makes me happy without me reciprocating. it can be sweet, slightly bitter, filled with nuts (haha, can you tell there's a lot of chocolate in my house?)... i could go on.

maybe i should eat chocolate now to calm the nerves. hehe..

oh yeah, did i mention that a couple of nights ago, i dreamt of james denton, the totally hot plumber from desperate housewives? wooowheee... very, very, very delicious and detailed dream. I'll leave it at that. hahaha...

Yes, i'm rambling again. maybe i'm coming down with fever. haha..

I took the "Chinese Elements" quiz on gURL.com
		I am... Fire The ancient Yin-Yang scholars saw fire types as adventure-seekers who like constant change. Do you love a good party--and sometimes getting into a little trouble? Fire people have a way with words and friends enjoy listening to their stories nearly as much as they enjoy telling them. Fire people get bored easily, but their artistic side helps keep things in flux. The energy and charm of fire types may make it hard not to like them, but look out for those mood swings! Fire burns with a bright and hot flame and is related to passion and enthusiasm. Joy is the dominant feature of the elemental energy of fire. Fire helps us see the beauty of life and to enjoy living. Fire burns brightly and can spring up quickly...but it can burn out just as fast. The fire element gets us excited over things that are worth it but allows us to let go. Structures with sharp edges and pointed features bring out the best qualities of fire. A hot climate is the best for fire as it helps the flame to burn strong. The color that corresponds to fire is red. Fire types like to eat bitter food such as grapefruits. NOTE: Fire types usually have bright eyes, big smiles and mouths that run a mile a minute. What chinese element are you?

H2G2

I thought Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy was hilarious. I know it got crappy reviews, and it doesn't have anyone famous, but it was funny. And the guy next to me thought so too. He laughed so loudly the people in the front row turned around to stare. The woman behind me wanted to stuff something down his throat. At one point, he even started to tear.

Marvin the robot was absolutely rib-ticklingly silly in his maniac-depressive ways. He's a robot who is programmed to feel and behave like a human, and he was programmed to mimick all blue and depressed humans. His dry, witty one-liners bring a fresh humour to a show that relies quite a bit on slapstick. When he saved their lives from a bunch of gross aliens, he was like, "Oh, I saved your lives. Bummer." Teeheehee...

I'm stuck in school now. Oh well. And remember the cookies that I baked? Fadz didn't like them... surprise, surprise... Nothing ever pleases that man. When I baked brownies for him during our JC days, he didn't like it. He passed to brownies to Alan, who ate everything in a flash and even complained to Priscilla (his girlfriend) that she never baked him anything. And today, I fed my cookies to my OCBC mates. There's only 1 cookie left. Bloody bugger. Maybe I should just buy Nestle cookies and say they're mine.

Or I should ask the aliens to blow up the earth. Then maybe he'd appreciate my cookies. Hummph.

This Is The Life

I decided not to take another job. RecruitExpress called me twice but I figured since most jobs end at 6.00pm, I'd be once again harrassed and panicky if I try to run from one job to another.

It's fun being semi-employed. I get to wake up late, go for nice lunches with the mum (equally free!), watch Friends Season 7 in one sitting (woohoo! Imagine 24 episodes nonstop! I couldn't stop laughing!). And then at night, go down to OCBC to work. It's... nice.

Am baking cookies now. I feel so domesticated! Muahaha.. I tell you lah, I was made for the tai-tai life. Ok, tai-tais don't exactly cook. But the point is, I enjoy it and find it strangely therapeutic. No, no, I'm not reverting back to 1600s women and being all subservient, but it really is fun making stuff and creating something edible. One day must let you try ok? Promise won't poison you guys. *fingers crossed*

By the way, I ate at Suki Sushi yesterday and within 1/2 hour, I developed a most horrific diarrhea. I tell you, the poor quality of food, the terrible service and the food poisoning possibility... aarrrggghhh, no amount of buffet and endless sashimi can make up for it. The next time someone asks me to go to Suki Sushi, I might have to box you. *flexes fingers* So there.

Break Time!

I've just woke up from a 13 hour sleep. Now, before you recoil in horror and start yelling "Pig! Pig!" let me assure you that my long slumber was fully justified.

I've not sleep properly for the past couple of weeks. Holding down two jobs is not fun, especially when I have to rush from one to the other. Fighting the going home crowd, running down the streets of Raffles Place, just to get to OCBC on time. And then sit through meeting after meeting after meeting. Not fun at all.

So anyway, I'm unemployed again! Yup, my contract with RP is over, so back to looking again. But this time, I don't think I'll be looking very hard. It's just not worth it. Having to run around like a stupid chicken and sleeping a few hours every night is not how I envisioned spending my holiday.

So anyway, if anyone has a nice, high-paying, office job that doesn't require much effort, call me! I'm available!

Right. Now back to my slacking. Muahaha!

Hello, I'm Dork Vadar

Nope, not referring to myself, I'm way to cool for that. For some weird reason, I'm surrounded by NUS engineering people. My boss is one; the other temp is also an NUS engineering undergrad.

Don't get me wrong, the girls are perfectly fine. (Jing Yi don't kill me!) There's just something wrong with the men. Maybe the NUS air, combined with male hormones, creates this dysfunctional breed of men.

How we've all heard horror stories of engineering men at clubs, with bad dressing and even worse pickup lines. Those, we're familiar with. The socially inept gorillas, bane of every clubbing girl.

But let me now introduce to you another peculiar specy: humus havenotgrownupus. They're the eternal boys, to put it mildly. Forever lost in the long-ago memories of their childhood sandbox, these boy-men are nervous around women, sometimes awkward in speech and always surprising to a totally urbanized and modern gal. (cue: me)

My boss was nervous around me the first few days. I've been described as aggressive before: do I intimidate grown men as well? Previously, he would swallow repeatedly when talking to me. LOL, at least now he no longer minds his Ps and Qs around me and we have been known to share a laugh together.

Now, the other curious specimen I'm about to dissect is also a temp at the Office of Registrar at RP. He's a second year NUS engineering student. Seeing how he is also a RI alumni, I felt I had to be friendly to him out of courtesy to Fadz.

Two words: He's weird.

Today at lunch, he exhibited silly behaviour. He asked me what dessert I wanted and I said attap jelly. And he was like "grass jelly?"

Me: "attap jelly."

Him: "grass jelly?"

Me: "attap jelly!"

Him: "grass jelly? grass jelly? grass jelly?"

No, he's not a moron. He just found doing that very funny. My eyes nearly popped out from too much eye rolling.

We proceeded to have a casual conversation over dessert. The topic somehow veered towards relationships, and I asked him what kind of girls he liked. Anyway, you all know I'm a strongly advocate guy-watching and every guy I meet, I passed on the incredibly useful knowledge that girls like looking at nice male tushes. He then followed up with: "Well, I suppose boobs and butts represents the person's... you know... organs" and "If you're not visually satisfied, how do you.. you know...copulate... and copulation is the key to a successful marriage".

I burst out into horrified laughter and amazement. The last time I used the word "copulate" was when I was writing an article about Aphrodisiacs for a school newsletter. The first thing out of my mouth was "sex? you mean sex? why can't you say the word sex? are you offended and can't say sex?" He then turned incredibly red and said "Yeah... besides, I think corpulate sounds nicer". I couldn't stop laughing for the next 10 minutes. I was sitting next to a real-life prude/conservative, all at the ripe old age of 23. How brilliant.

And the piece de la resistance would have to be when I was walking towards the office. Because all the doors are only accessible by a pass, it's a little inconvenient. I thought he was being chivarous when he held the door open for me. Upon walking nearer, he suddenly let the door close. I thought he wanted to let the door slam in my face. But at the last moment, he kept the door open by squatting and bumping the door open with his butt! Oh gosh, I think my jaw dropped immediately! Eh, has being in a boys school during your developmental period completely warp your ability to associate with normal people?

Haha, or, can we draw the connection that NUS engineering is, well, a breeding ground for a new kind of dorks?

Enter the Dork Vadar, beware his light saber of moronic behaviour

Tee hee hee. I'm so mean.

Koped this off Sydney's blog. Hope you have the patience!

Top 100s

1. Name: The Goddess Joanne

2. Nick: Jo, Anne, Anne-Anne (are you sensing a pattern here?)

3. Middle Name: easily-amused

4. Hair: Raven Black

5. Eyes: Limpid Pools of gorgeous brown

6. Height: 160

7. Location: From the west 'hood

8. Birthday: 24 May

9. Zodiac: Gemini the Twins

10. Status: Very blissfully attached (go ahead! roll your eyes all you singles!)

[Favorites/facts]

11. Animals: dogs, cats, birds, rabbits, sheeps (mutton-eaters be damned!)

12. Sports: Volleyball (sigh, I try to)

13. Color: Pink, purple, red

14. Song: Boulevard of Broken Dreams by Green Day

15. Band/Singer: Always switching

16. Flower: Roses! Violets!

18. Scent: Hugo Women

19. Movies: comedy, drama, action, romance, horror, epics, senseless... Did i mention that i'm a movie buff?

20. Holiday: Maldives, Venice, Atlantis City (the hotel), Hong Kong Disneyland

21. Season: Summer

22. Element: Er, who knows? Fire?

23. Book(s): Romance (don't snigger!), anything that is readable

24. Do you wear makeup: Hell, yes!

25. Do you pluck your eyebrows?: Duh! Gotta keep away those unruly hairs!

26. Do you look for personality or looks?: Looks for me to lust after, but personality to keep me interested.

27. How many rings before you answer the phone? : sometimes 1, sometimes never. I'm a bit deaf so depends on your luck.

28: Perfect girl: ME

29. Future Career plans: Tai-tai who keeps herself busy with a nice little sideline business; nothing too strenuous that would get in the way of my facials

30. Do you sleep with stuffies? too many in fact

31. Do you want kids? Yup yup, but stop at 3!

32. Are you popular? You betcha!

33. Are you pretty: I have my moments

34. Do you have your own phone line?: Not so high-class; just a cell phone

35. Do you get along with your family?: very well

36. Do you have any piercings or tattoos?: Just 1 on each ear. I'm too wussie and I can't stand pain

37. Giving hugs?: Long, warm, luxurious hugs... all for it!

38. Taking walks in the rain?: Only with my lover... :)

39. The mall?: My favourite pastime. Goes best with my good friend call Money

40. Go on stage?: I crave attention... even though I have stage-fright... I know.. how complicated

41. Drink: Anything fruity. But I'm nuts about banana milkshakes!

42. Smoke: Bad for health, bad for skin, bad breathe.. of course I don't smoke!

43. Drugs: I'm too clean-cut

44. Eat meat: Can't do without... I pity vegetarians

45. Date: Anytime I'm with Fadz :)

46. Sex: Wouldn't you like to know?

47. Eat sushi: Crazy about that stuff

48. Bake: Cookies, cakes, brownies, potato dishes

[Preferences/facts/beliefs]

49. Hot or Cold: Hot

50. Lace or Satin: Lace. it's so incredibly feminine and sexy!

51. Blue or Red: Red for passion

52. New or Old: Bring on new experiences, while retaining the best of the old

53. Rain or Snow: Snow

55. Wool or Cotton: Wool in Singapore? Want to die ah?

56. Rose or Daisy: Rose. Especially red roses. So sensuous...

57. Private school or public school: Public school. Private schools are for brats

58. Plain milk or chocolate milk: Chocolate milk. Love chocolate-y stuff

59. Celsius or Fahrenheit: Celsius. That's all I ever learnt

60. Spring or Fall: Fall. It's cooler

61. Math or Art: Math. And only because I can't do the other

62. One pillow or two: ermm.. I have 4

63. Dogs or Cats: Used to be dogs.. but now I'm incredibly fond of kitties!

64. Adidas or Nike: Nike. Nicer logo.

65. Coke or Pepsi: Coke light. Low on calories, great on taste. Pepsi is too sweet and gross!

66. Oranges or Apple: Depends on my mood.

67. Deaf or Blind: Deaf. I would rather die than not be able to see

68. Pool or hot tub: hot tub... more action!

69. Blonde or Brunette: Brunette. I may be ditsy at times, but never a full-on bimbo

70. Guys or Girls: I've batted for the other team before.. but now definitely male. Mmmmm..

71. Tall or short: Tall man!

72. TV or Radio: TV! there's MTV mah...

73. Homosexuality: Hey, it's your life.

74. Brand names: A&F/Zara/Topshop/Warehouse/Inphinity

75. Abortion: Hell no! It's cruel and mindless!

76. Religion: Free thinker

77. Animal Rights: Ermm.. can't say I'm a deep fanatic...

78. Love at first sight: Yes! I'm a hopeless romantic...

79. God: yeah, but not the ones defined by present-day religions

80. Aliens: too myopic to believe that we are alone.

81. Horoscopes: never comes true. all rubbish

82. Heaven: my afterlife home, how lovely

83. Hell: better have, or else where will all my enemies go?

84. Reincarnation: No, there can only be one of me. ever.

85. Transvestites: Sure. Some people really need it.

86. Boy Bands: *blush* Unfortunately, I was a fan. A very big and crazy fan of that era.

87. Rap: bring on the Jay-Z, Snoopdog and Eminem

88. 80's music: I'm not THAT cheesy.. (karma, karma, karma chameleooonnn..)

89. Punk: eww.. too weird

90. What's the most beautiful instrument?: The human body

91. Whats the prettiest part of the body?: arms on women, butt on men

92. Biggest fault: Jumping to conclusions

93. Biggest fears: That I'm not as competent as I believe myself to be

94. Do you live in the moment?: YES

95. Do you care about looks?: Hey, I love guy-watching

96. Do you like your handwriting?: could be neater

97. Obsession: Scent. I even smelled a stranger in a crowded train cos he smelled so clean

98. Looking forward to: A life of luxury and travel

99. Favorite weather: Slight overcast with a gentle breeze

100. Do you ever wish you were somebody else?: Not anymore. I love myself now. :)