I Heart Christmas

Despite Fadz trying to put a damper on my parade by reminding me that Christmas is (a): a pointless religious festival because Jesus Christ was NOT born on December 25 (b): it has become too commercialized and (c): too many damn people squeezing in Orchard Road doing God knows what (usually just sitting around and stoning), I refused to be let down and kept the festive spirit.

I simply adore Christmas. Ok, so I'm one of those people who try to celebrate every holiday - English New Year, Chinese New Year, Mother's Day, Father's Day, Children's Day, Teacher's Day (used to, anyway), Deepavali (until Rajeeve upped and went to bloody England), Hari Raya Puasa, Christmas and Hari Raya Haji. Yes, as you can see, I'm not very discriminating. Ahh, the benefits of being atheist. I do it for the people, for the people I say.

But I really love Christmas despite it having become a frenzy of shopping for gifts and whatnot. I love the holiday for the happy feelings (usually) invoked by knowing that it's the holidays, it's bonus time, people are happy and chilled out. I have wonderful meals with the people I love, receive presents that are thoughtful and labor to find the perfect gift for my loved ones. Seriously, what's not to like about the holiday?

So I spent Christmas Eve with the Fadz man. We do it every year. It's our thing. So even though he was incredibly grumpy and mean and Scrooge-like, I finally cracked through his thick skull that I really want to remember Christmas as a good one and he gave up being sullen. In fact, he was downright positive and cheery. Jolly good chappy.

We decided to go to this Lebanese restaurant at Holland V, Al-Hamza, for our Christmas dinner. Let me just say that I'm deeply sorry that I ate lamb chops. In case you didn't know, I'm the leader of a new religion, Pro-Lambology. No, not pro in the sense that I practice eating them. But rather, because lambs are so fluffy and adorable, I have taken it upon myself to never eat lamb. So far the religion's total following is 1. Oh well, I'm sure it'd catch on. But yeah, I broke the number rule and ate lamb. Whoops.

I love the decor of the place. As expected, the patronage was mostly ang moh families, ang mohs with Asian girlfriends, or ang mohs with Asian wife/girlfriend and Asian family members in tow.

I loved the falafels! Amazing fried chickpea thingamajigs. Definitely a must try. The lamb was pretty good, but the other reason for me not eating lamb is because I think it tastes funny. Oh well. It was pretty good, but seriously, I don't find it as a great loss not to eat lamb.

We then took a slow bus ride to Esplanade, careful to avoid Orchard. Our bus did pass through Orchard, and can I just say it was utter chaos. Not as bad as last year, with the stupid idiots spraying foam everywhere, but the human crush was appalling. Esplanade was crowded, but in a pleasant, hey, there are people around.

We are such gluttons. Even after eating a full meal at Al-Hamza and finished off a plate of diabetic but amazing Lebanese desserts, we still had room for more. A new shop at Esplanade has opened, Earshot, and it's a pretty cool concept. The food is not bad, a new chillout joint.

After that, cos I wanted to count down in town, we walked around aimlessly to pass time. At midnight, we were standing in the middle of the Padang, all alone, and shared a Christmas kiss. Yup, quite quite perfect.

Merry Christmas, baby. Hope to do it again next year. =)

Christmas was spent with the folks. After the opening of presents (whoopee!), my mum made us play mahjong (humpf, lose money again). Of course the highlight of the day was Christmas dinner at the Fullerton Hotel. The service was impeccable. The food brought tears to my eyes. And I overate, but it was for a worthy cause. And I love my dress!

Hope you guys had a good one too!

Talk To Me

*pout* see lah, never talk to me on my tagboard, and it keeps getting deleted cos it thinks that no one is using it.

I know you're out there, reading this silently. So tag me.

Bah.

Reflection

It seems like the neverending rain is causing me to be a little melancholic and reflective. Or maybe it's just the end of the year. Whatever the case, it does seem appropriate to reflect on the past year as we are about to usher in 2007.

I always imagined that my 21st year of existence would be memorable, but I didn't think that it would be such a great mixture of wonder, elation, bitterness and heartache. And perhaps a dash of weariness for extra measure. At times, it seems like the weight on my shoulders can be so terribly, terribly heavy to bear and I can either take a deep breath and carry that burden or just collapse from sheer exhuastion. Not great options, don't you think?

This year was marked by traveling and the feeling of true independence. I would never, ever forget my Vietnam backpacking trip. In a way, I felt a little more grown up, a little more worldly; being pulled away from the comfort of luxury hotels and being pushed into situations out of my comfort zone - non-English speaking natives, bare necessities, navigating a foreign land and living 24/7 with my boyfriend. The Taiwan trip was fun too, but that was more of a shopping thing. But the Vietnam trip.. now that was living.

But this year was also marred by a lot of emotional strain and heartache. Fadzli is such a big part of my life that sometimes I really wonder what it would be like to live life without him. 4 1/2 years. That's like 1/5 of my life spent with him in it. To laugh, cry, shout, fall in love, and go on a crazy rollercoaster ride with that one person. I do think about my dependency, I do fear that I'm losing my identity as a solo person, but at the same time, I delight in knowing that I love and am loved. If only there wasn't so much bitterness to sieve through.

People always say that NS is the toughest time a couple has to go through. But I disagree. To me, those 2 years felt more like a honeymoon. On hindsight, it felt like we tried to make ourselves perfect to each other and minimize any abrasive actions because our time spent together was so short. We held our tongues, our temper, kept emotions in check and because we only saw each other during the weekends, any unhappy thoughts could be ironed out during the week and we could cool down before we said anything stupid or hurtful. But ever since Fadz entered university, it seems like he has become a new person. And I know that people are always constantly changing, but I sometimes feel like we are moving in completely different directions. And I fear that we are holding each other back because of distant memories of good feeling. And as we make the transition from teens to adults, do we still have a place for each other in our lives? I certainly hope so, but I think back on all the dreams and promises we made to each other, and all I can think about is getting from one day to another. Long term planning is for the idealistic and perhaps I've grown a little too jaded for that.

3 near breakups in 3 months. The intensity was driving me crazy. To live in constant doubt and pain for those 3 fucking months. I felt messed up; I felt drained. I felt like I'd aged 10 years. Like optimism and hope was sucked out of me. It came to the point when I was so DAMN SURE that NOTHING could be worse than this and perhaps a complete, clean separation was the answer. To be alone. To not be hurt another. To not be affected by another person's actions and words and be only answerable to myself. To be selfish and take care of my incredibly fragile heart and refuse to let anyone near me.

But in the end, I couldn't do it. To keep yourself safe from pain is to prevent yourself from experiencing the full joy of being loved. Because when you close yourself to pain, you also prevent anyone from getting close enough to you. So I guess, the stubborn me wants to be loved to badly that I just have to risk being hurt. Yes, Fadz may hurt me over and over again by his lack of sensitivity and sometimes sheer stupidity. But is that enough to make me give up the man who makes me laugh, who makes me cry; who makes me want to beat my fist against his chest and collapse in his arms; who kisses me and makes me feel weak with butterflies. Someone whom I can talk to for hours and not get sick; who remembers the smallest details and surprises me.

No, I'm not that brave. Or rather, not that jaded. I suppose all I can say is, bring it on. Walk through fire and hell to be proven worthy. Even if it comes to an end, at least I know I tried. And I was loved.

And as for school, I'm tired of it. The pleasure and delight that I felt when I first entered SMU has diminished. The spark that kept my enthusiasm has died. For the first time in my entire career at SMU, I'm dreadfully affected by things like projects, GPAs and exams. I despise that I can't do better, I'm horrified by my lack of commitment, I despair when I lack understanding.. it's just all too much. The comparing, the arguing, the competition... it's all a rat race, and it seems like that's all I have to look forward to in the corporate world. Great.

2006, you've been... interesting. 2007, what secrets do you hold?

Post Exam

Haven't really blogged in a while. In case you were wondering, yeah, last post was about Fadz. Yeah, we fought. Yeah, these past few months have been very, very, difficult and we're trying to work it through. Thanks for all the concern! =) We're ok now, trying to be more understanding towards each other and all. But I still say men are stupid creatures. Hur hur hur...

Anyway, just because my love life is not going great, doesn't mean I can't enjoy my friends!

The last day of the exams ended on a Saturday and without wasting much time, I was off having fun with fellow SMU-ers (eh KB, when are we getting together???). Ate too much and overdosed on alcohol and mahjong. 'Nuff said.

FYI, the guy is Jerry, Sylvia and Kristin's poly friend. I think he's quite cute, in a tiny squirrel kinda way. And he's single! And peels prawns for all the girls! How's that for a gentleman?

Ate 麻辣火锅 at Bugis, before scooting off to EskiBar at Holland V for some drinks. The freezer room is... COLD. And I walked in without a jacket cos I thought it'd be funny. Not funny. I felt my insides freeze up. And finally, we retired to my house for an all-nighter of mahjong. Lasted till 6am, before they dragged their bones home. Haha, we played for alcohol instead of money. Yes, such alcoholics, right?

Apparently, that wasn't enough mahjong because exactly one week later, we found ourselves playing mahjong again at my house. Except we switched guy. See, men are so disposable. Haha.. kidding Shawn! You know we love you for all your Ah Pek glory!

Told you he looked like an Ah Pek.

I think I was falling asleep.

Aiyah, pose for what? Supposed to be candid, can!

Yeah, mahjong!

I was a bit embarrassed though, cos I "ate" all 3 of them.

At 5.30am, our stomachs expired and we hopped over to MacDonald's for a lovely breakfast.

Ah, holidays, a time for debauchery and fun.

And I'm bored already. Gaahh.

Trust

Trust is such a funny little thing. It is bandied around casually, but when it comes down to the crunch, it may sometimes prove to be the deciding factor.

I believe a strong relationship is built on the foundation of 2 things: trust and great sex. Kidding, kidding lah! Don't have a heart attack on me, grandpa! Trust and respect. That's what I really meant. Seriously.

Trust can make you stand up against the world when they are against you, casting a disapproving eye, shaking their heads in disbelief, but when you trust that your other half will be there, you can really conquer anything.

But such a priceless trait is incredible fragile. Break or shatter that trust, and the whole building (foundation, building, geddit?) can come crashing down upon you. Pity there isn't a clean up crew or contractors to rebuilt it for you. You simply have to pick up brick by brick, laying the cement. Oh, don't forget the water proofing. Otherwise, it would be a shoddy patch up job and the building is still vulnerable to attack.

So should I trust my brain or my heart? Neither, they're both equally fucked up. The brain thinks in a logical, sinisterly cold manner that is devoid of all feeling. The heart, however, is all touchy-feely and has nary a logical thought. So when hit with crisis, the brain, in a very logical manner, would seek to protect the heart, a vital organ, from further injury by disengaging from combat. Either that, or batter the opponent to emerge victorious.

The heart, however, would be screaming at the brain to have some warmth and trust in feelings and intuition.

Why can't they meet somewhere?

But I think the scariest outcome is when the heart goes cold too. Stops feeling. Stops believing. Stops hoping. All the blood being pumped into the brain so that it can logically work out the next step. To do that, you need to think that there's no more pain, no further pain... only salvation in the blissful arms of numbness.

So should I be safe from all harm and be numb, or jump into the abyss of doubt and fear, hoping that the outcome would outweigh all troubles?

Don't complain about all the metaphors that I'm using. I have never met a fur I didn't like. Hiak hiak.

It's inappropriate, and severely lacking in respect for me.

When you are in a relationship, you think about how your actions affect your partner too; you do not make decisions based on your own gratification with nary a thought for me. When you start acting and behaving like a single, it becomes reality.

You've made the decisions, now live with the consequences.

Random Thoughts

Exams start tomorrow, for 2 consecutive days. Am I prepared? Don't think so. Fingers crossed and hopefully I don't fail.

3 construction works going on simultaneously around my house. Neighbour tearing up kitchen. Government tearing up the parking lot. Some other work. Noise is killing me. Am retreating to Cheryl's house for the remainder of this week. No, this time I'm seriously gonna study. I have to! And I'm NOT bringing the swimsuit.

What do I want to do once the exams are over (in 3 days time!)? Hmm, no one wants to employ me, so that means I'd be broke, but damn free. Great. And Christmas was is coming. What do I want, what do I want.... Prada Gucci Dior Fat chance. Need to think realistically. What do I want indeed....

Told you it was random. Too much last minute cramming does that to the brain.

Whoopdeedooooo.....

The Incredible Blahness of Being

Nothing's happening in my life to blog about. Exams are around the corner, so that basically spells the end of any social activity. The only thing that gets me worked up these days is that my supposedly straight, rebonded hair ain't so straight anymore. Damn my genes. It took Cheryl (my sister) 7 years of rebonding her hair to tame the beast. Geraldine (my other sister) also rebonded her hair, but has the financial means to keep going to the hair salon for touch-ups and professionally washed and blown hair. Me? I just have my hand held that smells burnt. Great.

Random photos of me and friends doing projects in school. How pathetic can life get?

Hilarity ensues when the clock ticks past midnight.

See? Sylvia is crying.

And here she is looking sleepy. I swear that girl only has 2 moods.

You don't say.

We were in the library. Yes, I wrote that. Yes, I'm antisocial. Bite me.

Oh yeah, and we hung out at the pool one day after class. Yes, my school has a roof top pool. Yes, it also comes with a sauna. Yes, it's under-utilized.

The pool men were definitely happy.

Tyra Banks on ANTM: "I have a couple of rules. When posing for a men's mag, legs apart. Women's magazine, legs together. Men's mag, chest out. Women's mag, chest in." Ah, what wise words indeed.

No lah, not free not free.

And that's the small pool. But peace and serenity lasted all of 1/2 hour before guess who turns up? My Investment Banking Professor. Talk about awkwardness. Hello, half-dressed prof with us in a pool? Besides, it was disappointing. I thought he would have a better body. After all, he swims and jogs every day. But, nada. His body was DEFINITELY not equipped with a 6-pack.

Sigh. People always say Fadz is malnourished. Whatever it takes to plump up my feller, right?

You've become toxic, instead of intoxicating.

My health is suffering as a result. Enough is enough.

I come first now.

Keeping the Faith

Sigh, I should really be wary of what I wish for. The cliche has never bitten back with such vengence before. I was musing the other day that I've never stayed over in school before. Not at the new campus, neither at our beloved Bukit Timah campus. Nada. It's like I've missed out on an entire component of student life.

So this semester, time management has basically sucked and one week before all the projects were due, my group and I found ourselves with half-finished projects, meaning, we were fucked.

So what did the brilliant moi suggest? Let's stay overnight, yo!

Somehow, I was envisaging more slumber party and running around City Hall at 3am, and less huddled up in some godforsaken room, typing till my hands trembled.

Guess which happened?

We had to churn out a 90-page financial project and towards the end, I was typing gibberish. LOL, can you imagine doing the same project from 10am to 10am the next day and still not complete? People walked in and out of the common area, stunned that we didn't sleep the whole night and still not be able to complete. No, I do not want to hear any talk about our inefficiency. Some things don't need to say.

Highlight of the whole fiasco? Laughing like bimbos even at 2 in the morning. Being entertained by our himbo sole male team mate. He's from China. He listens to China songs. We had military songs blaring out of his lap top at 12. It vibrated throughout the whole building. We were all tempted to line up in rows and march to the tune.

Oh oh, and eating at the 24-hr kopitiam at 2 and 3am. Fishballs have never tasted so good.

I'm really glamourizing the whole event. Most of it was tedious and back-breaking. And not sleeping for so long was bad for my skin. And my temper. Cranky Joanne is a sight to behold.

Worse case: We had to go back the following day (SUNDAY!!!!) to continue because there was just too much work left. And everything was due on Monday. Haiz.

This week has not been good. Bad, bad, bad. I can't wait for Friday.

Hell

I'm in school. On a Friday. Staying the whole night through. To finish a project. It's due on Monday. After 14 hours, it's still no where near completion.

Please, please, please let us finish the project by today. I can't imagine having to come back on Sunday to continue doing it.

My eyes are drooping. My darling lappy is screaming in heat at the abuse from being switched on so long.

I'm overheating too. The school turned off the air-conditioning in a bid to save money. AM.BURNING.TO.DEATH.IN.GROUP STUDY ROOM.

I want some comfort. Perhaps a midnight jaunt to 7-11?

Haven't blogged for a while. Life is sucking at the moment. 4 projects concurrently. 2 not going well. Fingers crossed and heart willing, the next 2 weeks would pass mercifully quickly.

It's like an injection. Let's get it over and done with ASAP.

Hee, not to belie my miserable position, but I still managed to spend some time with Fadz.

FINALLY checked out Vivocity. Can I say, so totally hyped up? I was bored after walking around for 10 minutes. I couldn't find anything worth parting money with.

Plus, the scenery was so-so, thanks to the stupid haze rearing its ugly, stinky head. Sigh.

Am I too fair? Why would fair equate sickly? *pout* I'm going for the snow white, shiny straight black hair look, can? I want to return to my Oriental roots, can?

Yes, Vivocity paid some artist to construct a giant snow man.

Smile! Why you never smile!!???

Ok, try again.

The harbour front. That's Sentosa across the water. Not very spectacular, hor?

Oh yeah, and we cam-whored a bit in school. Hey, it was Saturday and we had been doing project for 8 hours.

Kawaii!

Very thirsty work.

Jo is not happy.

And... it's almost Monday again. Save me.

Alamak, I've been hit by celebrity fever! I'm in total idolize mode. I haven't been this way for a long, long time, can! (Well, at least since Taufik).

Is he not utterly gorgeous? I'm totally obsessed with Princess Hours now, and I can't stop falling in love with his character!

Why can't Singapore dramas be like that? Kim Jeong Hoon is probably thought of as the perfect male specimen not only because he looks like a gentle God, but also because his character makes him out to be this sensitive, romantic, utterly mesmerizing prince.

Sure, K dramas have a bigger budget, but must story plots in Singapore dramas be so damn predictable and boring? Everyone plays a stereotypical character that they don't break out from, bad means bad, good means good; not like these K dramas where the characters have different dimensions. Seriously, it's pathetic.

I hate to say this, but what is wrong with the Singapore male gene pool? You know what, I think it's not so much gene pool as opposed to 'jean' pool. Singaporean men just lack the flair for dressing up, good grooming and the art of chivalry is pretty much lost to the general population. Would it really kill them to pay more attention to their appearance?

Sigh, I suppose I'm asking for too much. I should be lucky if the men even bother to brush their teeth and put on clothes. Sometimes it feels like if they had their way, most men would still be carrying clubs and swinging women over one shoulder or dragging them by their hair home.

Drool, drool, drool. OK, back to doing my Financial Instruments, Institutions and Markets project. Is it any wonder why I'm so damn bored, bored enough to blog about a Korean star?

Selamat Hari Raya!

I seriously enjoy this holiday. Every year, I work myself up into a gastronomic fever because Fadz mum is a freaking damn good cook.

Every year, she trots out the lontong, beef rendang, sambal sotong and super sedap chicken. Yum, yum, yum.

Besides, it's the only time of year Fadz shops for new clothing, so yes, I am a happy girl.

Fadz with his songkok. They are getting more elaborate every year.

Taking a break from all that walking.

Fadz with his numerous shopping bags and my fave stray cat in the world.. Gandalf!

Hari Raya goodies! I definitely overate.

Unlike Chinese New Year, black is not considered inauspicious.

And presenting... my fave toddler in the world...

ANDRIAN! Isn't he just the most adorable, blur-looking baby you've ever seen? He's a complete terror, though. He's at the stage where he's testing every thing, so when he saw the cake on the table, he squeezed it between his tiny hands and giggled. Sigh.

Yes, eat yourself. So cute right? I just want to hold him and squeeze him like a teddy bear.

You know, love is a very, very funny thing. It makes people do all sorts of stupid things, and yet, it can feel like the best feeling in the world. Like you're unstoppable. But the way I see it, it's just a feeling. Sure, it's a great if you have it, and you always imagine/hope/wish/long that there will always be that special someone.

But if you think about it, EVERYONE could potentially be your special someone. Yes, we all have our ideal mate, with ideal qualities and characteristics. But if you look back on past boyfriends/crushes/lust objects, I don't think there's been anyone who has fit all your requirements. There would definitely be something you didn't like about the chosen one, and you'd have to make some concessions to make things fit. If you can live with the flaw(s), good for you and the relationship. If not, you move on, you try again, and hope that the next time around you find someone whose flaws don't piss you off as much.

But what I really don't understand is unrequited love. I know, I know, it sounds romantic, holding a torch for that ONE person and hoping against hope that eventually that person would feel the same way.. But it only looks good on paper. Personally, I think it's the dumbest idea in the whole world. How can you continue feeling good about a person when the person obviously doesn't feel the same way? I'm a total believer of reciprocity. Besides, you can't tell me that you honestly believe the person you are currently into has characteristics unique to that one person, right? Sure, it may seem that way for some time... but sooner or later, someone else is going to come along that possess most of the qualities you look out for. But if you keep stubbornly clinging on to one person, no one else can break through that wall of stupidity.

Hmmm, I'm not very forgiving, am I? I suppose this stems from having my own bad experience. It was a bitter lesson that I refused to ever let go off. Led up the wrong path? Check. Unrequited feelings (I don't think love is the right word; more like like like)? Check. Slap in the face? Check check. Revenge? Ohhh, totally check with 10 gold stars.

Some of you may recall this skinny boy way back in good ol' BPGHS by the name of Bill Lee Wei Liang. We grew super close to each other over the course of 1 year. I can't take responsibility for the growth of the relationship because he basically did most of the work. He called me every night, he chose to sit next to me in class, he made a big deal when my form teacher told him to change seats because we weren't paying attention in class, he wanted to eat lunch with me every single day.

I didn't realize it, but I was slowly developing feelings for that guy. I still remember one conversation we had. We were talking about guys and suddenly, Bill asked me, "What kind of guys do you like?" I listed down all my criteria, one of them being that my boyfriend had to be at least 10cm taller than me (ah, how young and foolish. Fadz is only 5cm taller than me). There was a pause, and then Bill said, "I'm 10cm taller than you."

Other incidents, perhaps insignificant on its own, when culminated seemed to point towards a disastrous path of infatuation. Things like him singling me out in the crowd and holding my gaze, him giving me a special smile that seemed like only 2 of us existed. People kept telling me that he was slimy and scum, but hey, shit happens, I suppose. Besides, he spoke well in English and carried himself well, and let me tell you, in Chinese-speaking BPGHS, that made him a catch in my eyes.

Long story short, I fell for him, he ran for his life, he tried to find a new best female friend, and that totally pissed me off. My pride was injured, I felt pissed off that our friendship meant so little, and er, went on a vengeance. Got him kicked out of the students' council, unleashed the already disgusted male classmates upon him and basically made his life hell. Yes, yes, I do feel twinges of guilt as I speak of this now.

So why the sudden reminiscencing? Because a good friend of mine is going through the same shit. Honey, no good would ever come out of it. If the guy doesn't like you,there really isn't much you can do. Going out of your way to please him would do nothing because MEN ARE STUPID CREATURES. It's really not there fault sometimes; they are so oblivious that it can sometimes be funny. They treat you like a sister without even knowing that they are giving off the wrong signals. And when you do finally tell them, they think you are a freak.

Can there ever be platonic relationships? I don't believe it. Good friends, maybe. But best friends tend to lead to somewhere more, or someone hoping for more.

I've rebonded my hair!

Felt that it was time I stopped fighting my stubborn hair and waking up every morning disappointed with my unruly hair. Seriously, no more ponytails for a long, long time.

A bad before the rebonding of hair picture. Sigh. I'm so not missing my old hair.

Visited Cheryl's salon. All her friends go there. It's like a big frat party. And the hair stylist drinks alcohol after 9pm. Haha, he's so gay it's amusing.

Xtrim. Not a very good shot.

My new hair! So much neater right? I even felt better instantly.

Cheryl did her hair too. Decided on old Hollywood glam. I think she looks like a giant Oriental doll.

Oh yeah, and I was featured on Business Times! :)

As you can tell, I'm totally not listening in class.

Latest gripe: I officially hate the word "actually". Singaporeans abused it like nobody's business.

Actually, actually, actually. Actually, I disagree. Actually, I have something to say.

Stupid cows can sprinkle their 1 minute presentation with 20 "actually"s. I'm sorry, I thought the English language provided us with a wide vocabulary. "Essentially", "in fact", "in reality", "but"... hello! Stop abusing the word. Learn new words.

I'm getting hives. How can you keep starting sentences with the word "actually" without feeling stupid? I feel stupid listening to you.

And it's not confined to one person, actually. Actually, I have noticed such behaviour for quite some time already. Sure, perhaps it's a bad habit, but actually, some ways of using the word are wrong and actually, people should just think more before using the word.

See how annoying it is?

The. Haze. Is. Really. Bad.

Brain. Has. Stopped. Functioning.

This week is bad. Too much work. Trying to make the best out of a really, terrible situation.

All I want to do is watch Sex and the City.

Love live females who fuck like men!

One drawback to my current living arrangement. I can only access the Internet using my sister's laptop. So besides not being able to surf porn indiscriminately (kidding lah!), my sister's lappy DOES NOT HAVE MSN MESSENGER.

What to do? Government-issued laptop. That also means I can't install msn messenger because my sis is only a user account, and not the bloody administrator.

So if you want to contact me and was hoping to see me online, well you can call/sms me or bloody, jolly well wait till I get home on Saturday.

Did I mention that my sister's neighbour has this stupid, ugly, hairless dog that barks at me whenever I open the door? Did I mention that the neighbours are Koreans who drink Carlsberg by the crate and leave the evidence near their door? When their dog first started barking at me, I was so tempted to yell "Hey Koreans! I thought you ate dogs, not kept them!"

Er, yes, I have since reigned in the temper and figured it might be best to just ignore the dumb dog. Anyway, on the last occasion, he didn't bark at me. Maybe it was because I was covered in chlorinated water from the pool. Bless the stupid beast for not knowing what scent I was giving off.

I moved out of the house. No lah, never run away from home or whatever. My parents are redoing the kitchen. Adios faithful kitchen of 21 years. You have served us well, through rot and fungus, you valiantly stood by us and gave us the best of your years.

So under the pretense that the noise would affect my studying this break week, I persuaded my sister to let me move in with her. You know, cos her place is quiet and will be the perfect place for conducive studying.

Fat chance. Her place is a condo can. I just came up from swimming for an hour in the near deserted pool. Perfect.

So what's happening between Fadz and me? Squat. Nada. What will be will be. I've decided to stop obsessing over everything he said. We are trying to make things work and if it happens, it happens. I've swung from being shocked to hurt to angry. What with school and family and other commitments... Sigh.

On a positive note, I've decided the best thing would be to keep busy. You know, take the mind off things. At least today started well enough. I did some work, went for DJ auditions in school (I was a total spaz! They must think I was either trying to flirt outrageously with them/bimbotic for giggling so much/arrogant, self-centred #$@#^%&). Isn't it amazing how many things I can be at the same time? Came home for a swing, and took a nice long shower. Ah, the bliss which is life.

Carpe diem people. Don't walk around with a gloomy cloud overshadowing you. Life is only as bad as you make it out to be.

Wow, we almost broke up.

Seems like the mud-slinging was only the tip of the ice berg and we had stored up so much bile that it was poisoning our relationship. It just all came out at one go. Ignorance or was I simply ignoring all the warning signs this past year?

I didn't realize my body was capable of enduring so much pain without falling apart. Everything he said was like a barb to my heart, stabbing and stabbing and stabbing. I didn't realize I was capable of so many tears. Haha, I think a lot of people must have been shocked out of their life seeing this blubbering woman at Commonwealth station, with a stony-faced Malay at her side.

Couldn't say that I didn't see it coming, though. I think we simply stopped exploring and trying when Fadz entered the army, simply willing things be better if we imagined that nothing was wrong.

Wrong, wrong, wrong.

He had stopped loving me. It was a deliberate move on his part to cut off his heart from me. I knew that somewhere in there he loved me still, but he had somehow managed to remove himself from me and keep an emotional distance that I couldn't cross.

At the end of the day, I was so tired of fighting and feeling hurt that I was ready to throw in the towel. I seriously considered ending things there and then and even gave him back the ring he had given me so many years ago. It was simply the limit.

But he changed his mind. I dunno what happened, maybe it was the tears (I hope not), the pouring out of my heart, some vague past memory, some hidden love, but he refused to let go.

I would never want to be in a relationship where my partner didn't love me wholeheartedly. I didn't want him to feel obligated, or that he was doing the right thing. I would rather he break my heart completely once and for all, than to cheat on me by not loving me. Because that is a betrayal far worse.

So we're trying again. I'm fighting for him to love me and trust me again. I know he is the one for me and I can't imagine life without him. I just need him to realize that I'm THE ONE for him too. I just hope I'm strong enough. I love him, I love him so much despite my constant nit-picking. But I'm not strong enough to keep loving someone who can't reciprocate. They say love is painful. Hell yeah.

Should I just find someone who can't hurt me this much?

is this the beginning of the end?

how can i trust myself to love you again when you find me so lacking?

Misunderstood

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuckity, fuck.

My own boyfriend thinks I'm a superficial, bimbotic, materialistic airhead. FUCK.

Man, it feels good to cuss like a sailor. Look, I may act like a bimbo at times but I can't stop repeating in no uncertain terms that I'm NOT one. I enjoy the good life. I appreciate material goods. Who doesn't? I know what I want in life, a good, comfortable life, and I'm not ashamed of it. I enjoy a good time, I do not see the need to always be in a morose and "deep thought" mode 24/7. Just because you articulate all your thoughts and feel the need to be "intellectual" all the time doesn't make it the most desirable state to be in.

The world is painful enough as it is. You're faced with petty greivances, annoyances and general upsets in life EVERY SINGLE FREAKING DAY. MUST I BURDEN MYSELF WITH SERIOUS WORLD ISSUES AND WOULD THAT MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON?

Just because I find endless delight in retail therapy and take hedonistic pleasure in watching soppy movies does not make me a bimbo. I've had a tough week. I buy a pair of beautiful shoes and feel comforted. How does that equate to being a bimbo? Am I supposed to be constantly working on the formula for world peace? Curing cancer? Eliminating poverty? Creating a new life philosophy? Contemplating about the war in Iraq?

Good lord, man! Of course I'm bloody offended. Judge, judge, judge. I'm either too masculine and aggressive, or vapid and bimbotic. I can't win, I just can't. Is it any wonder why I sometimes hate the world so much I want to lock myself in my room and hope that the world would implode during my self-imposed exile?

Just because I love you doesn't give you the privilege the assail my character and make false judgments. Just because I love you doesn't give you the RIGHT to think less of me.

Fuck. Bloody geppers who think they're better than everyone else. (sorry Amanda!)

Nostalgia

I think I can be quite the anti-social person. I know, I know, that totally goes against my Gemini nature, but if you think about it, Geminis are dual personality, right? So on the surface, I try my best to portray my loud, affable self, but on the instead, sometimes I wish the world would just go away and leave me to my TV, books and computer games.

However, every once in a while I get a kick in my ass to remind me of my civic duty to act as part of the world. The kick that makes me want to reconnect with old friends, go for dinners, go for parties and basically, face the world.

Met with my OCBC team mates last night to catch up. Joel is finishing his last term, Chiraag is having wild orgies in America on exchange, and Susmit has accelerated his entry into the working world. He's now a Management Trainee at UOB. Haha, seems like I'm the laggard of the team, still drifting aimlessly through this world.

Anyway, dinner was a lot more fun than I expected it to be. We had great laughs, lots of gossiping, bitching and everything typical between colleagues who became friends and worked together for a year. I'm glad I met them. No matter how much I may bitch about them, we still had memorable moments, good or bad, I'm not saying.

After that, I felt the need to reconnect with someone else who used to be very dear to me. We definitely have a history (not romantically, lah!) and even though we only speak like once a year, every time we talk, it's like we never left off.

A bit of a digression, but do you think I'm aggressive? Probably more than most people, but hey, I think it was the result from the need for survival.

When I first entered Bukit Panjang, the guys in my class absolutedly HATED me. They took perverse delight in making fun of the stupid, fat girl who spoke only English and gave blank looks when they cursed me in Hokkien. Very, very colourful Hokkien expletives, may I add. This merciless ragging continued for a year, as I slowly shed my gentle, all-girls school upbringing and stepped up to the plate. I outcursed, outpranked and outyelled those idiots. So maybe I wasn't liked, but the ragging stopped and the leader of the boys and I formed a truce. We're even pretty good friends now. So in some sense, I had to become manlier and that may have contributed to my quite, quite masculine behaviour now.

When I rose to Sec 2, there were these 2 ah lians who took offense to me. Till this day, I do not know what provoked it, but I suspect it had something to do with me talking to my classmate whom they both had a crush on. But whatever the case, they turned super mean and when we meet on the staircase, they would go out of the way to bump me, glare at me and basically threaten my well-being.

Now, these girls are different from the boys who just played pranks. They were the pen-knife wielding, girl gang fights and destined for girls' home type. I was scared out my life. Self-preservation kicked in. Who can deal with such ah lians? Get a beng ah. I made friends with this Sec 5 guy. With lightning speed, I got him to be my godbrother. Through him, I got to know the entire Sec 5 male population. That's when the threats stopped. That year was the most smooth-sailing.

So you see, I'm forever indebted to my godbrother. Besides, he was a really, really godbrother. He listened to me whine incessantly (even while he studied), gave me some of the best presents ever (he made me a 3000-piece jigsaw puzzle for one birthday; a bottle of silk roses the next) and took such good care of me, I felt bad sometimes. We can talk for hours and he allows me to be as loud and boisterous as I want to be. I never have to put on a mask when I meet him and that level of comfort does not come with everyone.

FYI, I only let my guard down when I'm with people I'm very comfortable with. So the people who are privileged enough to see my BIMBO side are a lucky few. You can go ask around, I'm usually quite aloof and not-so-fun. So yes SHAWN, you should count yourself as lucky and stop thinking of my occasional bimbotic behaviour as annoying.

Sigh, nostalgia. I should do more to keep in connect with people dear to me.

Yes, I Watch Singapore Idol

I remember when the first season of Singapore Idol came out, I followed it religiously, watching every episode with feverish delight and cheering for my favorite. When it came to the finals between Taufik and Sylvester, I rallied behind Taufik because I was mesmerized by those long lashes, amazing smile and voice. Besides, Sly was gay and beng. I voted, forced Fadz to vote, and wrote my declaration of love and devotion on a white board in school.

Ah the folly of youth, how I miss that. I even bought Taufik's first album. See, such a loyal fan right?

So when the second season rolled around, I was of course, older and much cooler. Miss an episode here and there? No sweat. Anyway, some of the contestants really, really sucked. Thank God there's no 3rd season. I don't think my ears can take more horror before reaching the acceptable finals.

Hady vs Jonathan. It was always too reminiscent of the first finals. The difference? Erm, hello, more even competition? Jonathan looks a gazillion times better than Sly, and sounds lovelier too.

Just look at that. Jon looks like a slightly less appealing version of Taneshi Kenishiro! Since Taneshi is like the ultimate God, even 80% of that means you're damn good! And for a Singaporean! All the more must give him props!

But fine, it's a singing competition. People aren't shallow, right? And Hady did rock the house, so good luck to him, fighting for the same territory as Taufik. And I do like his singing. But Jon? Limitless appeal, man.

Yes, Hady can sing damn well and he made a pukable song radio-friendly.

But this cuteness is hard to resist.

LOL, maybe I'm not out of the adolescence woods yet.

Why Are Men So Annoyingly Stubborn?

Seriously, what's up with Singaporean men and their stubborness? They would rather appear petty, donkey-headed and downright annoying than to admit that they are wrong. That, or they can't take an apology in a gracious manner. Instead, they must nag and nag and nag in a self-justified manner. Save it. It just makes you small and even more insignificant.

3 petty men in the same week. I can't take it.

First was a mistake on my part. I mixed up my dates and send out an email with the wrong information. This guy, let's call him Alwin, found me on msn and started lecturing and lecturing and lecturing. Seriously. I was sincerely shocked at my mistake and sent out an apology, but it still wasn't enough. He was happy to lord it over me and nag, nag, nag. I wanted to punch him real hard.

Next... the Singapore Uni Games have just ended. I'm the volleyball club treasurer and had to keep track of all the referee payments. Now, we had negotiated with the referees to give us some lead time as the school did not have a policy of paying the referees on the spot. So I asked the office of finance when the payments can come in. They said at least 2 weeks. And my stupid volleyball president repeated the same thing (exactly 2 weeks!) without giving any lead time. So anway, long story short, I had to chase for all the payment slips because different people collected the slips on different days. And so, 1 week had passed. Today, I get an obnoxious call from the volleyball association guy demanding payment. Oy stupid, 2 weeks can! Then I ask for some more lead time, even going so far as to apologize for any inconvenience caused. Then he had to get on a high horse and say that this gives SMU a bad impression, people in the future don't want to work with us... blah blah blah. My fault ah? I apologized again and said a whole bunch of insincere stuff, and he still wasn't appeased. He felt the need to launch into a tirade on how things should be done "properly".

Eh, Ah pek, I owe you $240, not $240,000. And the lead time was not even up yet. Stupid, stupid cow. I curse him forever cannot strike 4D. Either that, or he bet $10,000 and only get back $240. Hahahahha!

And now, I'm sitting in a financial class, fuming over how stubborn and pigheaded my professor can be. Tell me, how would you round up the following to 2 decimal place:

3.44451

12 years of school would tell you the answer is 3.44 right? Even Microsoft Excel says so. But nooooo, my prof says that the right answer is 3.45. He says that he's from a different generation and was taught something different. You must first round to

3.445

Then round again to

3.45

WAH, very smart hor?

The whole class violently objected and we argued and argued. Students from China also agreed with our format. He tried it in Excel and the answer was the same. But NOOOOO, tutors are always right. So he put his foot down, and said that his format was right. In his class, that was law.

When did we become a Nazi/communist state? Free thought is evil, disagreement is bad? Hey Papa Smurf, you really need to talk till you're blue to convince this group of students.

Men.

New Blog Skin!!!

Yay, I'm so happy. This is officially the first skin that I've ever made. Previous attempts were limited to finding a picture, using someone else's script, and making minor tweaks. But this is all mine, mine, mine!

Erm, is it too pink? Even Kristin commented that it was a bit too bright. But oh well, I love it! This represents my new quest to become a super demure and kawaii girl, ok! I can do it!

Er yes, I do plan to change my opening sentence. Doesn't quite fit the image, does it? But brain drain, brain drain. Besides, Rome wasn't built in a day. Demure Joanne cannot be moulded in one night. LOL.

Culture Shock

Am I really very scary? Before you answer that, please consider... Is my loud-talking, ass-kicking, rapid speech, boistrous laughing really that intimidating to men? Haha, oh well.

My Investment Banking project group decided to adopt an exchange student. He's Japanese, but alas, does not look like any Japanese God-like celebrity. As least he dresses well.

We were for lunch together at Sakae Sushi. I know, I know... bringing a Japanese to our lame, fastfood-like Japanese food chain. Must have been a slap to his taste buds. AND he didn't recognize most of the sushi that Sakae attempts to pass off for Japanese food.

But what I found most amusing was just how SHY he was around us. You know what happens when Sylvia, Kristin and I get together. We talk loudly, eat tons of food and basically act the complete opposite of demure Japanese girls. That might explain why poor Aki burst into nervous laughter constantly and didn't meet our eyes when we spoke. Now, we're so used to looking at people in their eyes when conversing that I think at one point Kristin was basically frantically searching his eyes to make a connection, and poor Aki was dodging and fidgeting madly.

Sigh, the poor boy has never been outside of Japan. I can just imagine him leaving with the impression that Singaporean women talk too much, outeat the guys and are too direct.

Man! And I usually do demure so well! *coy laugh*

Killing Me Softly

Sorry Singapore gah-men, but I've yet to feel the wondrous effect of having the IMF meetings held here. In fact, we, the lesser mortals, are being squeezed to death. Literally.

Heightened security, closing of roads, worsening traffic... You gotta love how blindingly optimistic the government can be... going so far as to print optimistic propaganda. Sorry lor, not working. NO, the roads are not moving smoothly. NO, the frequency of public transportation has not increased. NO, life is not similar to before. It is much, much worse.

Because the roads are closed, because the roads are impossible to travel on during peak hour, more people are turning to public transport. What happens? The human squeeze is tripled! I end up smelling people's gross, sweaty armpits! I'm pushed incessantly against the door, against other passengers! And I get to school late!

The government then goes on to claim that it has increased the frequency of trains and buses. Not happening. I think it's getting worse!!! Trains which used to be 2-3 minutes apart are now 5 minutes. I know in normal times it wouldn't matter (2 minutes only what), but during peak hour, when logic is thrown out of the window and people just squeeze and squeeze to save that extra 2 minutes.. it makes a hell of a difference.

And people are getting angry! Very, very angry! I witnessed a fight today on the train because of the lack of private space. This old man was reading his Today newspaper even though it was super crowded. This young man then screamed and ranted at the old man, causing the entire cabin to cease talking to listen in on their conversation. You gotta love the community spirit of Singaporeans. When there's a fight, we circle overhead and pry. Scream, scream, scream, the young man threatens the older man and even told him to "take it outside".

So dear Singapore government, in case you're monitoring the Internet and google the word "Singapore Government" and come across my humble blog, please please please do something to ease the woes of innocent citizens like me. Yes yes, IMF will bring about more jobs, greater spending, prestige, blah, blah, blah. But excuse me for being short-sighted and not thinking on a national level. That's your job, honey. All I can think about is getting to school in one peace and not being squished like the insignificant bug I am.

On the plus side, I might hazard a trip to Suntec for some shopping. Nothing like tightened security to chase away the crowd and bring out the bargains!

I Have A Dirty Mind!!!!

Yes, yess, to all those people nodding sagely, bugger off. I just didn't realize that my mind worked in such a warped manner until today. Anyway, I was with the volleyball people and we went for lunch together at Plaza Sing. So long story short, David and I were chatting and I think we were talking about school or something... Whatever the case, look at what happened:

David: ".... I need to buy CB".

Me: momentarily stunned. brain thinking, "CB? Chee Bye? He needs to buy chee bye? How sad can this boy get??"

Me: "erm, you need to buy what?"

David: "CB, Consumer Behaviour textbook."

That's when the curtains parted and it all made sense. I feel terribly, terribly ashamed. Why like that? Why, why, why? It's not like I actively think about such things... it just happens! In fact, I think I probably know less Hokkien swear words than a lot of people!

Need to wash brain/mouth/ears.

A Great Girls' Night Out

Damn, but I'd almost forgotten how good it can be to let my hair down and par-teeh.

I did have my reservations going to a freshmen bash, but hey, it turned out pretty fun. Besides, nothing lots of alcohol wouldn't solve. After all these years, yesterday night was the closest I ever came to passing out/puking. But I didn't. Hallelujah, the clean record lives on!

Anyway, our game plan was to duck into MoS early so that we can get on the 1-for-1 bandwagon. Armed with a jug of house pour each, Krisin and I watched the ending of the SMU pageant (lame), boogied a little and whiled away the time.

I think I'm getting old, though. At the end of the last sip, I could feel myself already getting a little tipsy. In fact, as I stood up, I knocked over Kristin's jug, much to the amusement of the old guy next to me who tried to engage me in conversation. Sorry old timer, no interest in older guys unless you look like George Clooney or Richard Gere. Hiak hiak.

In the later part of the evening we hooked up with Kristin's BE friends. It's amazing how prim and proper everyone looks in school, but can turn out to be such party animals once the sun goes down. Unfortunately, the lengthy guessing games that we played meant that I drank the equivalent of another jug of house pour. And some beer. Talk about feeling bloated. I almost gagged on all that liquid.

Thank goodness we met up with the other group. Stupid MoS was teeming with people and when it was just Kristin and I, we were squashed against the side of the cages on the dance floor. The guys of the group were so sweet, especially LN. Whenever a gross, badly dressed, dancing lunatic threatened to push any of the girls, LN would heroically slip in between and act as a barrier. So nice hor?

Speaking of dancing lunatics (of which, there were plenty around), don't these men get embarrassed? I mean seriously, your gangly limbs are falling all over the place, you aren't keeping with the beat... how do they get out of bed even? And another phenomenon I've noticed: guys enjoy dancing with each other. I mean, I spotted so many groups of guys dancing in a circle, doing the chest jiggle against another dude. Can I go like, eww? So many girls around, you're obviously heterosexual and you don't think of asking someone to dance with you? Men. Sheesh.

I was definitely feeling the effect of the alcohol later in the evening. Could feel the earth spinning gently around me. Vaguely remember sitting in the toilet and watched a hilariously high Miss Hsu Xiao Hui shout and giggle in a bid to boost the flagging spirits of a pageant contestant who did not get the crown. Let's just say in our lack of sobriety, there were plenty of kisses, hugs and stripping.

The best thing about a school party? The people you know and the love that flows. Even walking from the dance floor to the toilet, I can be accosted by acquaintances who press drinks into my hands and mouth. Long live champagne and drunk boys!

But I'm totally suffering from all that partying. Work up groggy and lethargic. When I met Fadz in the afternoon, my head was stuffy and I couldn't hear what he was saying. My poor baby... For someone who doesn't club, I can't even imagine what must be going through his head. "What happened to my girlfriend? Who is this pale-faced idiot dragging her feet?"

Oh well, hope I don't wait another 6 months before clubbing again. I tend to be excessive. Haha!

Love, Life and Everything In Between

The first week of school has been... trying, to say the least. In between getting the ol' rusty brain to function (oh, wretched holidays, you have spoilt me!), getting the ol' limbs to move for volleyball, squeezing in time for ol' Fadz, and of course, hanging out with my fave girl of all time (personal time, duh!), I'm quite, quite exhausted. I'm sensing a theme here... how everything is aging and not measuring up to expectations.

Speaking of Fadz, we kinda had this talk the other night. I think whenever you're in a long-term relationship, new changes can bring about old insecurities. No matter how happy you may be at a particular point in a relationship, a single external factor can drudge up things you'd rather not think about. Or perhaps the problem never went away, but was suppressed by wishful thinking. I sure hope not; it's too depressing that way.

Anyway, I pigeon-holed Fadz into discussing our options. Now, I must make clear that I'm very, very serious about Fadz and frankly, marriage has never been out of the question. Just not now. However, I was in one of my "thoughtful moods" that night and started quizzing Fadz about why he's so damn sure I'm THE ONE for him. Of course, I'm not talking about throwing me over his shoulder at this moment and rushing off to ROM, but rather, how he knew that he was contented with me. For the rest of his life.

To put things in a 3rd-person perspective so that I can naively distance my emotional commitment, let's use the example of a fish-eater at a fish market. Now, let's say Fadz is a fish-eater and I'm unagi (eel, baby! Yums!) This fish-eater has previously dabbled with different types of fish, nothing serious. But when he bit into the unagi, he knew it was true love. Ever since then, he's been committed to unagi, resisting any temptations from other coy, flashy fishes. So my question is, how does he know that he's gonna be an unagi-eater for the rest of his life? Wouldn't he get bored of the taste? What happens when a red snapper turns up at the market one day, flicks her shiny tail, and beckons him to buy her? What happens then? Would the fish-eater resist the temptation but go on thinking about that red snapper, in which case, would it be better for the unagi to just turn to another fish-eater?

You see, I never thought that NS would be the hurdle for us. Hey, I knew he wasn't about the turn gay and as for myself, harmless flirtations but nothing serious. But now, he's exposed to women. Every.Single.Day. What if there's someone out there who's better suited for him? What if we no longer have time for each other and simply drift apart? What if, what if, what if. I think self-doubt is driving me crazy.

On my part, I can't help feeling restless sometimes. Or simply itchy for something new. To imagine that I'd never know another person's touch, another person's love, to sample the initial courtship ever again can be quite intimidating. So that night, I started throwing ludicrous questions at Fadz like "What would you do if I slept with someone?" or "What happens if I develop feelings for someone else?" Things like that. On one hand, I was trying to test his limits and commitment, on the other hand, I was trying to get him to discuss our options at this very moment. You know, the issue about exclusivity. I know that's very childish but the issue of exclusivity stems from the fear of possible loneliness if things don't work out. I mean, a woman needs to know that she's still desirable and "marketable" and being in a long-term relationship can sometimes make you doubt that. Cos even interested men stay away. I'm practically "sold goods". So it's incredibly scary to imagine that one day, if I'm put back on the shelf, I may not find a buyer. I know I know, I've probably set back feminism by a gazillion years, but seriously, which woman doesn't fear that (All you gorgeous brats be damned, I know my limits and doubts kinda come with the package)?

So many fears and questions jumbled together... I can't even put them in cohesive paragraphs. But that's how my brain works. It's all pure joy or mind-numbing doubt. It's a mess in there. I'm kinda extreme in that way.

Fadz simply replied that he knew he'd never cheat on me. He knows what kind of person he is and being unfaithful was out of the question. He can't gaurantee the future, as in whether we'd drift apart, stop loving each other. But he knows that he'd love me for as long as he can. We definitely can't predict what happens 10 years, or even 1 year down the road, and who knows, perhaps eventually we'd go our separate ways. But for now, he's mine and I'm his and that's all that matters.

I'm definitely not ready to settle down (even though Fadz described me as homely!!!! %#^@&^#@ I'll show him homely! Kristin, we are so gonna have a wild night this Thursday!!!), but you know what? Self-doubt be damned. I'll worry about the future later and I KNOW what we have now is special. So no matter what, I'm gonna make it count and stop trying to find cracks. I'd rather remember this as a beautiful period in my life than golden years lost to a relationship that went no where.

And you know what? If Singaporean men can't appreciate me, I'll go some place where the men do. The world is my playground, baby!

I Heart Melbourne (Pictures explosion alert - aka will load very slowly)

Sniff, I miss Melbourne already. Want more. Want to go back. *pout* Just wish it wasn't so terribly expensive. The freaking food court costs like AUD12 for a hotdog, fries and drink. That's S$14.40, by the way. For foodcourt food.

But on to the pleasantries.

You know what is better than taking SIA?

Taking a half-filled SIA midnight flight. The stewardesses were super attentive and happy (which I suspect stems from there being less customers to service), and it's marvellous being able to stretched out and sprawl all over 3 seats.

We stayed at the Crown Promenade Hotel located on the Southbank of Melbourne, which is about 15 minutes walk from the city centre. I love the hotel. Sure, by 3rd-world countries' standard this 4.5-star hotel is nothing to whoop about... But I love its elegant and simple decor, big and comfy beds and good food. Oh yeah, and it also has a casino. Yes, we went every night. And yes, it ate quite a bit of my money, but I won some too. So take that, casino boss!

Think I'm the only camwhore in the family? Think again. Point a camera in the right direction and see all the hams. Haha.. and this is why NO ONE in my family knows about this blog. I think my mum would murder me if she knows the language I use here. :P

Yes, yes, we are shameless. But that's a civil servant, advertising producer and idle student you're laughing at. We (ok they) deserve to loosen up on a break from work.

I fell in love with Melbourne the moment I saw... the bare trees. I know, I know, wtf right? But when I went to Vietnam and Taipei, it sometimes felt like I was still in Singapore. But when I saw those damn trees, I wanted to weep from joy. Cos it meant that I was in a country that had more than 1 season every year. Yay, trees! Oh yeah, and I love how Melbourne preserved it's old buildings for posterity, mixing the old and new seamlessly.

You know how in Singapore, people would laugh at you if you said that you were walking from point A to point B, and it took more than 10 minutes? But got train, what! Take a cab lah, goon du! But the weather was perfect for taking long walks. We didn't take any cabs at all, which is quite an accomplishment for my family, really. We walked and walked and walked. And no one complained. Although I doubt we would have felt the same way in the summer. FYI, our hotel is the smaller, blue one in the first photo at the top-left. The bigger building is the Crown Tower Hotel, which is more opulent.. but I think in a cheena kind of way. And it has more mainland Chinese guests because of the casino.

The Southbank river to the left, Federation Square the right.

The Melbourne authorities thought it would be a good idea to construct some monument welcoming visitors to the city. And they constructed this... monstrosity. As our driver described it... A slanted MacDonald's sign and multiple carrot sticks.

Look ma! Bare trees and old buildings! Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas (Singapore) anymore!

Our hotel room. Had to share a bed with Cheryl. Thank goodness it was big enough. And the stupid toilet has no tub, but hey, 1st world country. Cannot expect that much.

Port-o-loo. Teeheehee. I wonder if anyone actually uses it.

The casino thoughtfully planned out entertainment for its guests. And they thought that a series of explosions would be fun. That's us cowering in fear as fire exploded above us in succession, building up to a giant burst of fire that lights up the skyline. And you can actually feel the heat. Yes, that big.

There was this confectionary shop in my hotel's shopping arcade. I would pass it every night and drool. But i never ate anything cos I was always full. Damn.

My fave shot of the whole holiday. I didn't look fat and actually posed quite glamourously. Hahha!

We went on a chocolate tour. Ate so much that I was a bit sick that night. But the chocs were amazing, guide was nuts and the extra pounds were worth it... mostly.

Mmmm... Chocolate.

Took a lovely horse carriage ride after the chocolate tour. My poor dad was so exhuasted (and I suspect, sick from the choc) that he went home early. So the Chan women took a delightful tour around Melbourne, via smelly horses.

The next day was reserved for a wine tasting tour. It was a whole jumble of things, really. We:

Fed some birds... (one bit my hand while gobbling the bird food, stupid sod)

Trekked through a forest...

Sat on the Puffing Billy Steam Train and winded through a forest (yes, I sat on the sill the whole 30 minutes. Can anyone say, sore ass?)...

And of course, tasted wine. My first time, so I must say, it was quite an experience. I didn't know it went to fast. And 10 different types of wine at each location (there were 3)? I was sick to my stomach at the last stop. Not from being drunk, but just sick.

You have to visit the Moet and Chandon winery. IT IS FREAKING GORGEOUS. Look at that! Isn't it unreal? I swear no Photoshopping or whatever (I don't even have the program, can).

What else did we do? Shopped, ate loads, and went for a stupid river cruise. Only old people and devil school kids take such rides. But Geraldine wanted a cruise, so bloody hell, got dragged along.

Not very happy.

And erm... we just stopped taking photos after that. Not much to cronicle, anyway. Except on the final night, which also happened to be my parents' wedding anniversary, was celebrated at the wonderful number 8 restaurant at the hotel. It was utterly fab. Fantastic food, service so discrete and attentive I wanted to stand and clap, and best of all, we (ie. the sisters and I) wanted to arrange for a cake to be brought to the table at the end of the meal. The restaurant not only gave us a free cake, but a damn good one at that.

So Happy 30th Wedding Anniversary, parents! Love you and thanks for sharing this magical event with us!